Options to get freshman dc out of a really bad roommate situation? Airbnb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an RA in college. Room changes can be authorized all year - your DC hasn’t made enough of a stink. If he/she has someone who wants to swap, it’s easier. You can also call, but make sure you don’t call the dorm, call the actual housing dept so they can see that your kid has authorized you to call on their behalf.

And it would be great if they can talk to the former roommate to confirm why the kid left. More ammunition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is counting down the days in his freshman dorm...I hear you. He says it's ok during the week but insane on the weekends...just as you are describing. His roommate actually left in January so he has a private. Otherwise I would absolutely get him a room somewhere if you can afford it. Your ds sounds exactly like mine. We just talked a few minutes ago about this.
And to the pp who said the RA's stepped in...not in our case either. Quiet hours only during exam week, they do crack down on alcohol at times, but ds said it always smells like pot.
Get him out for his sanity if that what it takes to get through.

What school? I ask because my DS sounds like yours and I’m trying to evaluate fit. This would not be a good fit but maybe this is every school…

No, it is common but not tolerated everywhere.

I am telling you to read the survey results on UNIGO. They ask about how much drinking goes on and you can compare schools directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only like two more months of school. I'd tell him to suck it up. I'd get him an Air BnB for three weeks - the two weeks before finals and the week OF finals.

Great advice! Agreed. Learning to adapt and to advocate for oneself is a big part of college. Mommy swooping in to rescue is not a good look.

NP. I mean what can the kid do besides turn the light off and try to sleep? In my experience RAs don’t have to abide by any confidentiality rules, which sucks if the child would prefer not to have to confront the people they live with. Nobody wants to be labeled a “tattletale.” What is the kid supposed to do, tell their roommates they can’t have friends over? If OP’s kid does move, it may be more of the same if the kid moves to another suite.

Not a tattletale. You are paying the same as those kids for your room, and you can't use it for rest which is what you need. Why should they rule the day (especially when what they are doing is literally illegal).

[Anonymous]

OP said her kid is at a big state school. A LOT of kids headed to big state schools are going there to party. It may not be the best choice for a quiet, non-partier type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an RA in college. Room changes can be authorized all year - your DC hasn’t made enough of a stink. If he/she has someone who wants to swap, it’s easier. You can also call, but make sure you don’t call the dorm, call the actual housing dept so they can see that your kid has authorized you to call on their behalf.

And it would be great if they can talk to the former roommate to confirm why the kid left. More ammunition.

Usually there’s a way to get the first name from an old door sticker still on the door. From there, the kid can plug it into the school’s email directory, especially if it’s an uncommon first name.

[Anonymous]

Your 18 (19?) year old freshman is in a dorm suite where kids of the same age are drinking on a nightly basis. Tell him to call the cops for minors in possession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could see if you could find a physician willing to diagnose her with anxiety, and then go to the disabilities office at your university. He might request an accommodation such as a single room based on a new diagnosis of anxiety

The world is very screwed up if they kid who wants to sleep vs party all night (which we now understand is crucial for mental and physical health) has to label herself disabled to have any rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 18 (19?) year old freshman is in a dorm suite where kids of the same age are drinking on a nightly basis. Tell him to call the cops for minors in possession.

Adding - I went to a big state school where 109 kids in my building got an MIP in one night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, to escalation and filming the situation.The RA will try to work it out with the roommates, as if the roommates will listen. I hate to sound sexist (I am a female), but I would send my husband to make this room change happen. I think the school deals with a lot of mothers and don’t take them as seriously. You pay a lot of money for housing and deserve a livable situation.

You sound very sexist. What does this pattern teach your children about who can be effectual in the world?

[Anonymous]

There zero chance that DC is embellishing or being dramatic, right?

OP, consider that you are getting one side of the story. The reality might not be as bad if DC isn't hounding the housing office for a switch.

[Anonymous]

If I were less than 90 minutes away from the school, I’d let my kid come home on most weekends if the situation got this bad. But then again I’m one of those people that doesn’t see much wrong in kids living at home and commuting either.

[Anonymous]

OP --- If you actually state which "big state school" you may get some more focused recommendations... Penn State being different than UMD than WVU than VT for example..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There zero chance that DC is embellishing or being dramatic, right?

OP, consider that you are getting one side of the story. The reality might not be as bad if DC isn't hounding the housing office for a switch.

OP here. DC said two of the kids in the suite have a citation/probation(?) with housing & campus police for drinking. That has not deterred them.

[Anonymous]

I would keep bugging housing-with an emphasis on the negative impact on mental health, physical health, and academics. Maybe try a request to move to substance free housing? In my experience those are the quieter housing options and less popular so more likely to have an open spot.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your DC is suffering with this. I would focus on their mental health and get them out. An AirB&B sounds like a good solution. Just pull the trigger and do it. Clearly, this is an untenable situation.