Options to get freshman dc out of a really bad roommate situation? Airbnb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an RA in college. Room changes can be authorized all year - your DC hasn’t made enough of a stink. If he/she has someone who wants to swap, it’s easier. You can also call, but make sure you don’t call the dorm, call the actual housing dept so they can see that your kid has authorized you to call on their behalf.

I agree with this. OP, your quiet DC probably hasn’t really advocated for herself here and is unloading on you. I don’t think it’s uncommon for kids to call home with complaints. You have to push them to go back to housing and be assertive.

This is a teachable moment. Don’t swoop in and fix this YET.

I agree in general, but some kids are more mature than others. If your child can't handle it, yes, Mom, you do need to help. But hands off as much as possible. Make suggestions, and see if your kid can implement then. It's hard at this age. They want to fit in, and college is such a huge change for them. (I assume your child is a freshman?).

I've found that being persistent is usually effective with housing, even at large schools. They don't want trouble, and if you're nice but persistent, then will back down and be accommodating. I have experience with expensive, elite private colleges and huge public colleges. The housing office is generally difficult to deal with, but if pressed, they will make an appropriate change.

And teaching your child how to escalate is a good life lesson. If the housing office won't cooperate, ask for a supervisor. I showed my kid how to do this when she needed a carpet-less room. It took some doing, but voila, a carpet-less room was found! It required the intervention of a supervisor, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have him go to the doctor, get a note from the doctor asking for a room change, and see if that works. If not, as a parent I'd make a stink. Have him take pictures of the condition.

Does the current room have carpet? My DC got themselves declared allergic to carpet and school had to move DC to building without it which helped with the roommate change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This needs to be up to him. He's not in danger, just inconvenienced. He could take a nap during the day and then stay up later. That may not be his preference, but it's part of group living. And if he really doesn't like it, he can go talk to the RA or housing. Housing may be less resistant if he finds someone willing to switch with him so they don't have to do anything but reassign the room cards.

He could also find a friend who will let him crash on their floor or couch. Truthfully, this is how most college kids would solve it.

OP here—the sleep schedule is an issue too. DC is on a totally different sleep schedule than them; DC gets up and leaves around 7am each day. DC has
overheard the other kids say they’re annoyed by that and the alarm. There days when DC will walk into the room in the middle of the day and the rest of the kids in the suite are sleeping. Messy situation all around. I don’t really consider sharing a room (not just an apartment/suite) with a stranger to be “part of life.”

Sorting this out himself is absolutely a part of life. Are you going to swoop in when his boss is being unfair too?

What a rude comment.

This is an 18 year old. Some 18 year olds can handle this, some need help. Leave OP alone. She's trying to be a good mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two months left in the year.

Your child should be speaking up TO THEIR ROOMMATES, not to the college. My goodness, the snowflakes. This is interpersonal relationship and accountability 101, folks.

What’s that going to do besides cause awkwardness? It sounds like OP’s kid is outnumbered. They aren’t going to change their shitty lifestyles.

There are deals that could be struck. For instance, keep your party out of my room after 10 PM. I'll be sure to turn off my alarm after the first beep.

OP here. I haven’t been posting. This is a good, specific suggestion.

What school is this? State or private? Want to know if privates handle such situations better than state schools. Thanks

Ha ha ha. No. Pay your $$ and still get treated like crap at private schools. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an RA in college. Room changes can be authorized all year - your DC hasn’t made enough of a stink. If he/she has someone who wants to swap, it’s easier. You can also call, but make sure you don’t call the dorm, call the actual housing dept so they can see that your kid has authorized you to call on their behalf.

I agree with this. OP, your quiet DC probably hasn’t really advocated for herself here and is unloading on you. I don’t think it’s uncommon for kids to call home with complaints. You have to push them to go back to housing and be assertive.

This is a teachable moment. Don’t swoop in and fix this YET.

I agree in general, but some kids are more mature than others. If your child can't handle it, yes, Mom, you do need to help. But hands off as much as possible. Make suggestions, and see if your kid can implement then. It's hard at this age. They want to fit in, and college is such a huge change for them. (I assume your child is a freshman?).

I've found that being persistent is usually effective with housing, even at large schools. They don't want trouble, and if you're nice but persistent, then will back down and be accommodating. I have experience with expensive, elite private colleges and huge public colleges. The housing office is generally difficult to deal with, but if pressed, they will make an appropriate change.

And teaching your child how to escalate is a good life lesson. If the housing office won't cooperate, ask for a supervisor. I showed my kid how to do this when she needed a carpet-less room. It took some doing, but voila, a carpet-less room was found! It required the intervention of a supervisor, though.

+1

Characterize it as a "health and safety issue," because that is what it is. Escalate and repeat as necessary.

They DO have extra rooms and your kid CAN get into one, you just need to push and insist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. DC says they treat DC’s shared room as being part of the party area just like the other rooms—so it could be late and the lights are off, but kids are walking in and out of DC’s immediate room.

Are the bedroom doors not lockable? I would tell dc to definitely lock that - it's a safety concern to be sleeping while drunk strangers are walking in. I would definitely raise that issue with administration.

DC says the bedroom doors in their suite don’t lock (but the bathroom doors do), which they plan to file a maintenance request on. DC has expressed that that the kids in the suite get so drunk that they bash their bodies against the walls and run in and out of the rooms, so DC definitely gets scared during them. The roommates also leave the suite door unlocked propped open all the time.

DC needs to take photos and videos of all this. Then email the videos to the housing office, and threaten to post them on social media. The school won't like the negative publicity. Penn State had a child die a few years back in a fraternity hazing incident. It didn't make the school look good.

DC will get moved to another, quiet room in a jiffy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This gets me angry since both drinking and pot use are probably illegal kids that age.

For every bro who says everyone is doing it, some of us have kids who are quiet, serious students. That is what mine is like also OP.

The school should enforce rules. They cost a lot. It is infuriating that kids who are there to study, and try to stay healthy by getting adequate sleep are left to their own devices.

Sounds like this quiet serious student should have picked a quiet serious university, not a state school.

DP. Privates are almost always more expensive, even with merit aid.

There are small public LACs. https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-liberal-arts-colleges/top-public

Maybe OP's kid can find a better fit that's also affordable. My kid got a lot of merit money from University of Mary Washington, St. Mary's College of Maryland and The College of New Jersey, all small, public liberal arts colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ear plugs and a good eye mask. I lived through this one semester. DC will learn to handle these situations on her own as she should. Don’t rescue her. I was able to talk to my roommates and work something out that was okay - not ideal but it helped.

Exactly this. Learning to navigate this is part of life. Your adult child needs to talk to the roommates. They may be able to establish suite quiet hours during the week. I'd drop the weekend fight.

Next, you can get soft headphones to play white noise. Use it with ear plugs and it should help block out quite a bit. Eye mask too!

But yes, learning how handle people you are stuck with is part of growing up.

Yes, this is true in a work situation, but much more difficult in a living situation. OP's kid needs to figure out how to get out of this situation. It would be intolerable to me. But if my kid were complaining every day, I'd tell my kid to get to the housing office and start asking for a supervisor, and providing evidence of illegal activities in the suite where this kid's parents are paying money to the university to house the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ear plugs and a good eye mask. I lived through this one semester. DC will learn to handle these situations on her own as she should. Don’t rescue her. I was able to talk to my roommates and work something out that was okay - not ideal but it helped.

Exactly this. Learning to navigate this is part of life. Your adult child needs to talk to the roommates. They may be able to establish suite quiet hours during the week. I'd drop the weekend fight.

Next, you can get soft headphones to play white noise. Use it with ear plugs and it should help block out quite a bit. Eye mask too!

But yes, learning how handle people you are stuck with is part of growing up.

OP here. Guests of the roommates have come into DC’s room in the suite pretty drunk while DC is sleeping.

It’s a little more serious than you describe. DC can’t just lock their roommate out.

If this were happening to my kid, I'd urge my kid to do something about it, and stop complaining to ME. You've gotten a lot of good suggestions here, OP. Give them to your kid. If your kid doesn't do anything, that's on her. Stay out of it aside from offering advice.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I posted an update on the previous page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole chain but my DS had a terrible situation freshman year and housing didn't help.

I recommend finding out if your school has an ombudsman -it's a student liason that helps with difficulties. Two days later my DS was magically moved to a different dorm.

Yes, this!

Escalate. It's a good life lesson for your kid. Many kids are really passive. They are used to listening to and obeying authority, even if that authority is the minimum-wage drudge who answers the phones in the housing office. Learning how to assert yourself and get past the initial "no" is an important skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP glad to hear that but what is "roommate agreement"

A written agreement, submitted to the RAs, where the roommates decide what acceptable quiet and light out times are, who's going to buy what, what is communal and what isn't, etc.

Do these really work? Two of the roommates are on probation. Fat chance, if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid made some progress today! Bought soft earplugs and spoke to housing.

It turns out they never had a roommate agreement, due to DC moving in January. So, housing is going to come in unsuspecting and say they never had one on file (which is true) and come in and force the roommate to do one with DC. Housing said they'll mention a reason why they absolutely need one on file.

Do you see why so many people were nudging about not swooping in? All they had to do was advocate for themselves and Housing is stepping in. You said they went and were told the date for a room switch was past, so I'm guessing they didn't really explain what has happening in the room. Now that they did, Housing is stepping in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid made some progress today! Bought soft earplugs and spoke to housing.

It turns out they never had a roommate agreement, due to DC moving in January. So, housing is going to come in unsuspecting and say they never had one on file (which is true) and come in and force the roommate to do one with DC. Housing said they'll mention a reason why they absolutely need one on file.

Do you see why so many people were nudging about not swooping in? All they had to do was advocate for themselves and Housing is stepping in. You said they went and were told the date for a room switch was past, so I'm guessing they didn't really explain what has happening in the room. Now that they did, Housing is stepping in.

Do none of you ever worry when your kid has a problem?

DCUM is a good place to vent or get ideas. Leave this mom alone already. She was using the forum very appropriately.

[Anonymous]

ROTC Students have to be up early on weekends. So do students with jobs or religious services. You just have to have your clothes and shower stuff ready and quickly go.

When I went to school, I did 100% of my studying at the library or study lounges. That solved a lot of problems. If you are tired enough, sleep comes.