Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! No one should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! No one should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

See how that works?

I never claimed that all, pp. You clearly lack imagination. Otherwise you would say something different than parrot me back.

This is what I think it is better to marry older than 22. Does not mean that those who do will be unhappy. The majority of marriages do end in divorce.
.
I would rather encourage my kids to take the chance and marry later. To fully discover themselves before tying themselves to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

Why are you so invested in this?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with getting married at 22 if you have found the right person and have a plan for financial independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! No one should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

See how that works?

Not the pp. The bottom line is that everyone is different. Lots of marriages where the kids were 22 when they got married end in divorce. Same goes for lots of marriages that happened when the bride and groom were older. No one is immune. At the same time, lots of these marriages have been wonderful. Just make sure you are in love with and are compatible with whoever you marry at whatever age. Some people know better than others whether they are well suited for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

I have watched so many friends and family struggle with infertility in their 30s; I plan on encouraging my daughter to get married when she finds the right person (and not wait around and “discover” herself whatever the F that means).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

Ahh so, because of all the people you know that did not get married young were unhappy than therefore ALL couples will have the same fate. Three couples! Oh my gosh!!! Everyone should marry at 22! You are so correct. Pp. How could I be soooo wrong?

Actually, you still don't get it but I give up.

Why are you so invested in this?

Are you the unimaginative pp who is responding to me? I am not "invested". I am bored.. my puppy was neutered and I can't go anywhere or do anything but, watch him. So, I will defend myself while I can!

[Anonymous]

As long as they don't rush into kids it's not a big deal. I know a bunch of people who married after graduation and the ones who didn't divorce the first year after graduation in Mulligan Marriages were divorced by 27ish and they went on to have happy successful marriages with new people. No kids it's just a blip on the radar of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.

DH and I got married at 22. We are 55. Married 33 years.

My parents got married at 21 and 23. They just celebrated 58 years of marriage.

DH's parents got married at 20 and 26. They have been married for 60 years.

My sister got married at 22. Her DH was 23. They have been married for 29 years.

My other sister got married at 19. Her DH was 23. They have been married for almost 30 years.

My oldest got married at 25. His wife was 22. They have been married for seven years.

...Given the divorce rate in this country, our "brains" seem to have been more mature than most.

It's far more likely that you are part of a family/culture that just stays married no matter how unhappy you are or how dysfunctional your marriage is. The metric we are looking to measure is not longevity, it's satisfaction/happy/functional.
The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, nor are they necessarily synonymous.

Some people stay married no matter what - abuse, infidelity, etc. - and one thing that is going largely unsaid here is that sometimes people who marry young don't know BAD when they see it, or have so little independence - financial or emotional - that they can't leave even if they SHOULD leave.

Yeah. No. The women in my family don’t do anything because they are forced. We are all strong, intelligent, educated women. It’s actually laughable to think any of us would stay in an unhappy marriage. DH and I are very happily married. Empty nesters with five adult children. All happy, healthy, educated, with great jobs. If it makes you feel better to believe that everyone who married young is miserable, then you do you.

You beat the odds..well done and we are happy for you. Doesn't mean that this couple will be as happy or successful.

It also doesn’t mean that they won’t be happy and successful. Please show me the statistics on marriage longevity based upon age of each spouse at the time of marriage. Please! Because your anecdata is not exactly scientific.

[Anonymous]

This is young for well educated professionals to be getting married. I’m sure they are getting some comments from peers who think it is too young and can’t imagine getting married at that age.

It’s rude to comment but she should understand that she is getting married early and there are some valid concerns around this. It doesn’t mean, though, that she won’t go on to be happily married for years. Hopefully she is mature enough to be confident in her own life decisions and can shrug off comments she doesn’t agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

I have watched so many friends and family struggle with infertility in their 30s; I plan on encouraging my daughter to get married when she finds the right person (and not wait around and “discover” herself whatever the F that means).

Why is "discover" put in quotes and seen as a negative? Honestly asking. What if your daughter doesn't want kids? And I don't know what you definition of discovering yourself but to me but to me it means trying new jobs, living in different cities, learning new things without yourself the responsibility of making someone else happy. So many women cut short their dreams for their spouse.

[Anonymous]

It’s totally fine and normal in many areas of the country. Just don’t rush into kids. If it happens not to work out, you’re in your mid 20s and divorced with no kids and that’s not a big deal at all - barely any worse than a serious relationship breakup.

You can work and travel and have tons of fun married with no kids. I know because I did it! I moved in with my then fiancé, now husband, at 24, and we were married at 25. And had dated seriously since I was 21 and he was 23. I’m in my mid-30s too so I’m not writing this from the perspective of a younger Boomer. We didn’t have our first kid until I was 30. We had plenty of time to ourselves and it was great.