Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

What’s the magic formula then? Just keep hooking up and having failed relationships well into your mid 30’s the complain you can’t find eligible partners or rush into marriage some Tinder guy after dating 6 months because both of you feel like you are missing out on the milestone of having a family? It’s not going to lead to divorce?

[Anonymous]

Every single couple I know in my generation who married at 22 or younger is now divorced or in their second marriage for a while now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

Never heard of people saying you are too old at 30. Sounds pretty good if you find the right partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the magic formula then? Just keep hooking up and having failed relationships well into your mid 30’s the complain you can’t find eligible partners or rush into marriage some Tinder guy after dating 6 months because both of you feel like you are missing out on the milestone of having a family? It’s not going to lead to divorce?

There is no magic formula. There is a middle ground between marrying at 22 and hooking up until 40 and rushing to get married.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.

DH and I got married at 22. We are 55. Married 33 years.

My parents got married at 21 and 23. They just celebrated 58 years of marriage.

DH's parents got married at 20 and 26. They have been married for 60 years.

My sister got married at 22. Her DH was 23. They have been married for 29 years.

My other sister got married at 19. Her DH was 23. They have been married for almost 30 years.

My oldest got married at 25. His wife was 22. They have been married for seven years.

...Given the divorce rate in this country, our "brains" seem to have been more mature than most.

It's far more likely that you are part of a family/culture that just stays married no matter how unhappy you are or how dysfunctional your marriage is. The metric we are looking to measure is not longevity, it's satisfaction/happy/functional.
The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, nor are they necessarily synonymous.

Some people stay married no matter what - abuse, infidelity, etc. - and one thing that is going largely unsaid here is that sometimes people who marry young don't know BAD when they see it, or have so little independence - financial or emotional - that they can't leave even if they SHOULD leave.

Yeah. No. The women in my family don’t do anything because they are forced. We are all strong, intelligent, educated women. It’s actually laughable to think any of us would stay in an unhappy marriage. DH and I are very happily married. Empty nesters with five adult children. All happy, healthy, educated, with great jobs. If it makes you feel better to believe that everyone who married young is miserable, then you do you.

You beat the odds..well done and we are happy for you. Doesn't mean that this couple will be as happy or successful.

It also doesn’t mean that they won’t be happy and successful. Please show me the statistics on marriage longevity based upon age of each spouse at the time of marriage. Please! Because your anecdata is not exactly scientific.

I am bored but, not that bored! LOL I never said my data was scientific I just said what I would say to this 22 year old if they asked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

Never heard of people saying you are too old at 30. Sounds pretty good if you find the right partner.

I think posters generally are critical of people starting to date in their early/mid 30s to try and get married in their mid 30s. It’s very common for people to meet their significant others in their mid 20s and get married in their early 30s. I haven’t noticed criticism around this timeline on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

Never heard of people saying you are too old at 30. Sounds pretty good if you find the right partner.

I think posters generally are critical of people starting to date in their early/mid 30s to try and get married in their mid 30s. It’s very common for people to meet their significant others in their mid 20s and get married in their early 30s. I haven’t noticed criticism around this timeline on dcum.

Evidently this is the ONLY acceptable timeline. ridiculous

[Anonymous]

One size doesn’t fit all, at least doesn’t fit well. One 22 year old may have emotional intelligence, education, income and family support to do it, other may not. Most failed young marriages begin with issues so statistics are skewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

Never heard of people saying you are too old at 30. Sounds pretty good if you find the right partner.

I think posters generally are critical of people starting to date in their early/mid 30s to try and get married in their mid 30s. It’s very common for people to meet their significant others in their mid 20s and get married in their early 30s. I haven’t noticed criticism around this timeline on dcum.

Evidently this is the ONLY acceptable timeline. ridiculous

This^. This forum’s acceptable timeline for engagement or marriage is 31-39.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.

Pathetic? If someone is working and traveling as a single person how is that pathetic? Personally, I think marrying at 22 and popping out kids is more pathetic

You see participating in the capitalistic system and tRaVeLiNg as being more valuable than taking the serious and mature steps of marriage and parenthood?

Oh wise one, please do teach me your ways.

First of all, I never said I was wiser than anyone else. We all have one life to live and I would rather travel and enjoy life before committing to one person and settling down. If you are happy with your choice, wonderful. But truly happy people aren't so snarky. And what's the comment on Capitalism. Married people participate too

If my kids found someone they truly wanted to marry ( and they were 22) I would encourage them to wait. This is especially true for women. It is not helicoptering to express your opinion in a loving way. If it is meant to be waiting a few years will be worth it.

+1. PP sounds bitter about her life choices.

Many stupid people get married and have kids young so I don’t see how it’s a serious and mature step.

+2 And they are the indiscriminate consumers to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.

They’re all ridiculous. So glad I left DC (and I’m a native).

Never heard of people saying you are too old at 30. Sounds pretty good if you find the right partner.

I think posters generally are critical of people starting to date in their early/mid 30s to try and get married in their mid 30s. It’s very common for people to meet their significant others in their mid 20s and get married in their early 30s. I haven’t noticed criticism around this timeline on dcum.

Evidently this is the ONLY acceptable timeline. ridiculous

Look if you are happy why worry about what other people say or do?

[Anonymous]

There are too many miserable singles, married and divorced on this relationship to prove this formula doesn’t work so well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If they are worried about people SHAMING them or using phrases such as " YOu'RE SHAMING US!" They aren't mature enough to be married.

In this day and age the vas majority of 22 year olds aren't mature enough to be married, and no dating someone for 2 years is not a reason to get married.


I would strongly advise against anyone getting married before 27/28.

That said if my niece or anyone else wanted to get married at 22/23, I'd bite my tongue and wish them well. They would only hear anything from me is if I were to bring up legitimate concerns, and as I write this I wonder if what they consider shaming is actually people bringing up legitimate concerns.

Your role, auntie is to be supportive and if there are legitimate concerns, such as maybe the relationship is toxic in some aspects address those.

It sounds like they make good money if they work in tech. They’ve been dating for two years. I’m finding a hard time figuring out what an objective concern would be beyond the shrill “your brains aren’t developed enough!” If someone said that to me I’d be tempted to reply, “well, my brain is developed enough to get hired at higher paying job than you…”

Parents need to let go and accept their babies are adults now.

For an old person you sound like an immature idiot.

Good paying jobs and dating for 2 years are not reasons to marry.

Sure, but this couple WANTS to marry. I was just mentioning that they’re set up nicely for the infrastructure of married life—2 years is enough time dating and they’re financially stable.

Why not? What’s the concern?

[Anonymous]

Hopefully she won’t feel pressured to start having kids right away or she’ll kill her tech career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, please. Before the wedding, look up the definitions for: sham and shame. Then review the rules for adding ‘ing’ to a word. That’s your assignment.

DP. Sham posters need to move on. It got old after the first joke.