Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Getting married young seems like an odd thing to be “proud” of. Makes it feel like a checkbox goal you accomplished by a deadline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are worried about people SHAMING them or using phrases such as " YOu'RE SHAMING US!" They aren't mature enough to be married.

In this day and age the vas majority of 22 year olds aren't mature enough to be married, and no dating someone for 2 years is not a reason to get married.


I would strongly advise against anyone getting married before 27/28.

That said if my niece or anyone else wanted to get married at 22/23, I'd bite my tongue and wish them well. They would only hear anything from me is if I were to bring up legitimate concerns, and as I write this I wonder if what they consider shaming is actually people bringing up legitimate concerns.

Your role, auntie is to be supportive and if there are legitimate concerns, such as maybe the relationship is toxic in some aspects address those.

It sounds like they make good money if they work in tech. They’ve been dating for two years. I’m finding a hard time figuring out what an objective concern would be beyond the shrill “your brains aren’t developed enough!” If someone said that to me I’d be tempted to reply, “well, my brain is developed enough to get hired at higher paying job than you…”

Parents need to let go and accept their babies are adults now.

For an old person you sound like an immature idiot.

[Anonymous]

We had been dating for 2 years. Got engaged at 22 and married 6 months later. Celebrating our 30th anniversary next year. No regrets. When you know, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.

I would have disagreed with you when I was younger, but I’ve changed my mind. Especially these days. There are so many man-babies and porn addicts out there. If these two young people have found each other and are happy together and willing to take on the responsibilities of marriage and forming a family, more power to them. We don’t have a culture that encourages healthy relationships. If they’ve found that now, that’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are worried about people SHAMING them or using phrases such as " YOu'RE SHAMING US!" They aren't mature enough to be married.

In this day and age the vas majority of 22 year olds aren't mature enough to be married, and no dating someone for 2 years is not a reason to get married.


I would strongly advise against anyone getting married before 27/28.

That said if my niece or anyone else wanted to get married at 22/23, I'd bite my tongue and wish them well. They would only hear anything from me is if I were to bring up legitimate concerns, and as I write this I wonder if what they consider shaming is actually people bringing up legitimate concerns.

Your role, auntie is to be supportive and if there are legitimate concerns, such as maybe the relationship is toxic in some aspects address those.

It sounds like they make good money if they work in tech. They’ve been dating for two years. I’m finding a hard time figuring out what an objective concern would be beyond the shrill “your brains aren’t developed enough!” If someone said that to me I’d be tempted to reply, “well, my brain is developed enough to get hired at higher paying job than you…”

Parents need to let go and accept their babies are adults now.

Nice values you have there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this thread are cruel. And from (probably) older and “more mature” parents. Shame on you all.

If you can’t actually respond to the question, just move along!

Oh my! I’ve been shammed by this poster. 😬

Haha, sham on you.

Don’t you need to update your Facebook status, gramps?

Are you shamming me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

We got married at 21 and we heard the same “too young” crap. 25 years later and we are still happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.

And you sound like a fool. Where did I say dating multiple ppl to find “the one” is good?

It’s common sense that post 40 is when ppl have more serious stressors in their life like health issues, aged and dying parents, etc that strain the marriage. It’s arrogant to act like your marriage is so perfect compared to others when you’re not that old yet.

You’re missing the point. They were comparing themselves to their same aged peers. They’ve seen people who were single at their wedding, get married later in life and get divorced. Meanwhile they’re still going strong.

You’re projecting your own issues onto the situation you can’t even comprehend simple sentences.

Yes idiot I realize they’re comparing themselves to their peers and I literally explained why it’s shortsighted and arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are worried about people SHAMING them or using phrases such as " YOu'RE SHAMING US!" They aren't mature enough to be married.

In this day and age the vas majority of 22 year olds aren't mature enough to be married, and no dating someone for 2 years is not a reason to get married.


I would strongly advise against anyone getting married before 27/28.

That said if my niece or anyone else wanted to get married at 22/23, I'd bite my tongue and wish them well. They would only hear anything from me is if I were to bring up legitimate concerns, and as I write this I wonder if what they consider shaming is actually people bringing up legitimate concerns.

Your role, auntie is to be supportive and if there are legitimate concerns, such as maybe the relationship is toxic in some aspects address those.

It sounds like they make good money if they work in tech. They’ve been dating for two years. I’m finding a hard time figuring out what an objective concern would be beyond the shrill “your brains aren’t developed enough!” If someone said that to me I’d be tempted to reply, “well, my brain is developed enough to get hired at higher paying job than you…”

Parents need to let go and accept their babies are adults now.

How do you know whether the job you have pays more than mine? Maybe I’m in tech too, or something else that pays even more. Or maybe I know money isn’t everything.

[Anonymous]

Yeah better they all just shack up at 22 instead, which is what happens if we shame them out of getting married.

Everyone we know moved in with their significant other after college and ultimately ended up married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.

Pathetic? If someone is working and traveling as a single person how is that pathetic? Personally, I think marrying at 22 and popping out kids is more pathetic

You see participating in the capitalistic system and tRaVeLiNg as being more valuable than taking the serious and mature steps of marriage and parenthood?

Oh wise one, please do teach me your ways.

First of all, I never said I was wiser than anyone else. We all have one life to live and I would rather travel and enjoy life before committing to one person and settling down. If you are happy with your choice, wonderful. But truly happy people aren't so snarky. And what's the comment on Capitalism. Married people participate too

If my kids found someone they truly wanted to marry ( and they were 22) I would encourage them to wait. This is especially true for women. It is not helicoptering to express your opinion in a loving way. If it is meant to be waiting a few years will be worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had been dating for 2 years. Got engaged at 22 and married 6 months later. Celebrating our 30th anniversary next year. No regrets. When you know, you know.

Great for you but, that is not true for most people who marry young.

48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25. 44. 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rates are high for people who marry young. One's twenties are such a great time to travel and explore and try new things, it does seem a bit of a sham to settle down to married life so young. But YMMV.

That's why there's the term "starter marriage" because so many of them end up as failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I got married at 23 and had my first at 25, while in grad school.

A few of my friends married at that age as well, so it didn't seem strange until I came to the DC area and kept getting strange looks from people, and then realized that other mothers at the preschool were not in the same age bracket. I still made friends, though.

It's all about your outlook and being adaptable.

And that was probably a couple decades ago...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.

Pathetic? If someone is working and traveling as a single person how is that pathetic? Personally, I think marrying at 22 and popping out kids is more pathetic

You see participating in the capitalistic system and tRaVeLiNg as being more valuable than taking the serious and mature steps of marriage and parenthood?

Oh wise one, please do teach me your ways.

First of all, I never said I was wiser than anyone else. We all have one life to live and I would rather travel and enjoy life before committing to one person and settling down. If you are happy with your choice, wonderful. But truly happy people aren't so snarky. And what's the comment on Capitalism. Married people participate too

If my kids found someone they truly wanted to marry ( and they were 22) I would encourage them to wait. This is especially true for women. It is not helicoptering to express your opinion in a loving way. If it is meant to be waiting a few years will be worth it.

+1. PP sounds bitter about her life choices.

Many stupid people get married and have kids young so I don’t see how it’s a serious and mature step.