Affluent people with dirty/messy houses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affluent person with a super messy house here.

The hassle of getting my house cleaned just outweighs the benefit of having a clean house for me. Cleaners may vacuum and mop and all that, but it's not their job to pick up clothes, dishes, empty cans/bottles, or know where to put back general clutter, so it's its own work getting the house ready for them to clean. My wife and I both work from home, so we have to be constantly moving while they go from room to room. Vacuum noise disrupts work meetings. We also have an aggressive dog so we have to figure out something to do with him while they're here.

It's just too much damn work for something that supposedly saves you work.

Most people see your “too much damn work” as the basic chores of daily life.

NP. Why do you care?

DP. That's the title of this thread. Don't click if you don't want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m uncomfortable with setting the expectation for my male kids that house cleaning is done by someone who is female and has more melanin and probably doesn’t speak English as a first language. We do it ourselves, which means it might be a while between cleaning if friends aren’t coming over. No, I’m not embarrassed.

Check out care.com. My housekeeper doesn't fit this description.

(My house is still a mess sometimes between cleanings though...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you would be shocked at the houses I go into where people don't take shoes off. Immaculate, beautiful houses.

And other houses where people do take shoes off, which are messy and dirty.

I really don't care either way. I grew up not taking shoes off, and I take shoes off now. As far as I can tell it doesn't make a difference either way as long as you have a regular cleaner or clean regularly, such as vacuuming periodically. Which you should anyway.

I make my kids take their shoes off BECAUSE the house is a mess, and I know they won't be able to find them if they aren't right by the door

[Anonymous]

We have a dog so taking the shoes off seems a little futile. We actually do usually take them off by the door. And certainly if they’re muddy. But I don’t think twice about wearing shoes around the house.

[Anonymous]

We have a sizable income and live in a dirty/messy house.

My husband is a slob, my two teen sons have unfortunately inherited this slob trait. I used to clean early on in our marriage, but I've given up. They are purposely helpless and gross.

We had a house cleaner, the house looked decent for approximately 18 hours.

I'm moving out once the kids are out of high school.

[Anonymous]

Child of hoarders here. My parents live in the nicest and richest neighborhood in their city. Their house is disgusting on the inside, you smell it before you even see the filth.

I have no idea how they got this way because my grandparents were super clean and organized. But I was raised in a very cluttered and dirty hoarded house. It was awful.

For me, today, I have cleaners come twice a week, every week. I’ve had the same ladies for over 10 years and I pay them well. I enforce people putting their stuff away, cleaning up the kitchen every night, changing sheets weekly, shoes outside, etc. I also married someone who is a neat freak/very organized (and it probably was not a coincidence). I cannot live in chaos and filth.

There’s a very good saying: Look around. All that clutter used to be money. And all that money used to be time.

Don’t waste either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's probably us. We were going to hire one and then COVID hit and I was 8 months pregnant. Then someone I knew got COVID from their maid. So we still haven't hired someone because I'm pregnant again. My one child is also high risk.

A dirty house is good for the immune system. So it's prophylactic.

[Anonymous]

I have an acquaintance like this. She and her husband both grew up UMC and have a huge expensive home (like twice the size of my house for a same size family). Their house is always a wreck despite having cleaners come regularly, and despite the fact that their one child spends 8 hours a day at a nanny share.

She would say, and I'm sure this is correct, that the problem is that she and her DH both have ADHD and it causes lots of difficulties with keeping the house tidy. I am married to someone who has ADHD that is hard to medicate and I can see how this would happen -- my DH is a natural packrat and easily distractible, plus the sort of person who will start projects and just never finish them. So two such people in a marriage must be very challenging.

In addition to house cleaners who come regularly, they have also hired an organizer to come and organize their house. It lasted for a time but then fell apart.

Even though I know ADHD is a real thing and I know first hand how challenging it can be, I have to admit I still judge them. They are so disorganized and unreliable and a lot of it has to do with the fact that they live in chaos and haven't figured out a way to deal with it. I think my experience with my DH drives this some -- we use systems and habits to help him and it works really well. At their age and income level, they could certainly afford someone to help them do this (not just an organizer but someone who will help them set up systems in their house to help with the worst of it). I also think their decision to marry knowing they are both like this was selfish -- I think they like that since they both have ADHD they are both very understanding of the other. But I think it is awful for their kid and is going to continue to cause problems down the road, plus I think sometimes with ADHD you need someone to draw a line and say "This is not acceptable -- we have to figure something else out because these behaviors are not workable." Like you can't just descend into chaos and say "Oh well, it's how my brain works" because it impacts others negatively and you become a burden over time.

[Anonymous]

I, F35, have ADHD and a really cluttered house. DH is an averagely clean man on his own, but cannot pick up the slack that I am creating. I haven’t been medicating for the past 5 years due to pregnancies and breastfeeding. It’s impacting every aspect of my life including how clean my home is and how well I feel I’m performing at my job. Hope to take a week off during the holiday season to declutter and organize.

[Anonymous]

Dogs & a cat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are super wealthy with cleaning service but they are incredibly dirty, so it's never clean enough even with the service. They wait for the gardener to pick up the dog poop from the yard and they have 3 huge dogs. They wear shoes indoors, they let the dogs on the furniture etc.

Taking off shoes to come indoors is very annoying when you aren’t wearing slip ons. What about when you need to go back and forth to load things in/out of the car?

Shoes are gross. No way do I want residue from public bathrooms or the metro on the floor where my toddler plays.

I wear shoes to walk items into the house and leave them in the entryway. Then, I come in and take off my shoes and put things where they belong.
If I pack the car, I put everything on the porch before I put my shoes on.

It really isn't tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a cleaning service so our house isn’t dirty. It does get cluttered / untidy though. The #1 reason we have a cleaning service is to force ourselves to tidy up before they come.

This is us. We are high earners and have a cleaning team once every two weeks. We’ve tried weekly, but I don’t like people in my home that often. Our house isn’t dirty, but it’s not tidy either and we often have dishes to do and laundry to fold. It’s not my ideal, but I’m not really friends with people who would judge? My husband also has ADHD and tidying/putting stuff in the right spots is genuinely kind of hard for him. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

I guess I don’t spend my time judging other people and the state of their homes. Why do you all care? As long as it’s not a hoarder/unsanitary/child neglect situation, MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3500 sq foot house, 3 adults, 2 elementary kids, one toddler. I am a clean freak and give maids come every other week now that both DH and I work from home. Just couldn’t keep up during lockdown and the baby. I don’t think I’ll go back, because even I’m between I may mop. I vacuum probably every other day/every day because of the baby, but I have a dyson animal and it’s super easy. Nanny cleans the counters, sweeps periodically. The maid change the sheets every other week. HHI is 390 recently and it’s worth it, even if we don’t put as much in the kids college fund because the feeling of a clean house is priceless.

I had health issues last year and so I’m working on clutter, so we are a medium clutter house. I put away everything in the living room every night.

Thank you for reporting in. We’ll need to see this updated on a regular schedule and on time going forward.

PP here- found this snark funny! Thanks for the laugh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t spend my time judging other people and the state of their homes. Why do you all care? As long as it’s not a hoarder/unsanitary/child neglect situation, MYOB.

This is me. Live and let live.