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[quote=Anonymous]I have an acquaintance like this. She and her husband both grew up UMC and have a huge expensive home (like twice the size of my house for a same size family). Their house is always a wreck despite having cleaners come regularly, and despite the fact that their one child spends 8 hours a day at a nanny share.

She would say, and I'm sure this is correct, that the problem is that she and her DH both have ADHD and it causes lots of difficulties with keeping the house tidy. I am married to someone who has ADHD that is hard to medicate and I can see how this would happen -- my DH is a natural packrat and easily distractible, plus the sort of person who will start projects and just never finish them. So two such people in a marriage must be very challenging.

In addition to house cleaners who come regularly, they have also hired an organizer to come and organize their house. It lasted for a time but then fell apart.

Even though I know ADHD is a real thing and I know first hand how challenging it can be, I have to admit I still judge them. They are so disorganized and unreliable and a lot of it has to do with the fact that they live in chaos and haven't figured out a way to deal with it. I think my experience with my DH drives this some -- we use systems and habits to help him and it works really well. At their age and income level, they could certainly afford someone to help them do this (not just an organizer but someone who will help them set up systems in their house to help with the worst of it). I also think their decision to marry knowing they are both like this was selfish -- I think they like that since they both have ADHD they are both very understanding of the other. But I think it is awful for their kid and is going to continue to cause problems down the road, plus I think sometimes with ADHD you need someone to draw a line and say "This is not acceptable -- we have to figure something else out because these behaviors are not workable." Like you can't just descend into chaos and say "Oh well, it's how my brain works" because it impacts others negatively and you become a burden over time.[/quote]

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