Why do some men get married early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Plenty of us are loving and excelling at “keeping up with” our younger kids in our 40’s, so get over yourselves. You are not special or better at life because you got married and had kids young. These things happen for people at different times due to various life circumstances, including luck, so don’t be so smug. If anything I have noticed that people in their 40s with young kids seem much younger than people their same age who are empty nesters. The kids are keeping them young I guess.

+1000

+1000. I mean, let's be honest, the baby and toddler years were hard! But now that we have moved from toddlers to little kids, it's is great! They definitely keep us young, and we have time and money to coach their sports teams, hire babysitters for date nights, and super fund their college accounts. And we don't get pulled into any of the drama that some of the younger parents in our circle seemed to be caught up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they don’t want to end up like my ExBF who lost me because he wouldn’t commit. Now he’s with a poor approximation of me and full of regret. Worked out great for me though! My DH is phenomenal.

My ex did this too. I hope he regrets it too. What an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to my husband, he knew someone else would swoop me up if he didn't. Still we dated for three years. Sometimes you just meet the one in your 20s. Still very happy 20+ years later.

Some of you people have very high opinions of yourselves.

Lol.

Yes, I looked great in my 20s. Great body, educated, living on my own.

I've aged, had kids, put on some weight, and my opinion of me is very average. Life still happens. Everyone woman should have good self esteem in their 20s. Sorry if that wasn't the case for you.

We met when we met, the timing was right for us. Period. It's not a judgment of you.

[Anonymous]

DH and I married at 25/26, after nearly 6 years of dating.

I'd like to think it's because he was deeply in love with me as I was with him, and wanted nothing more than to lock it up, but I also know he simply has a serial monogamist personality. I don't think he ever saw serial dating and hookups as fun, has always preferred the comfort of having a partner with little uncertainties.

In other words, the premise of your question is flawed as it assumes 10 years of "single life" is what constitutes fun for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see some successful, handsome, charismatic guys getting hitched mid-late 20's. Why do this when you can easily wait another 10 years while living the fun single life and will probably be even more attractive to women by your mid-late 30's?

I met my DW when I was 22. First ever serious relationship. 44 now. Didn't actually get formally married until our child was born but we were living together and might as well have been married. I mean you meet someone, like each other enough to stick together and pretty soon you get married. It wasn't like I consciously decided that's how I wanted it to go, and I can certainly see the pluses and minuses of both approaches but if your first (or early) relationship is good enough to stick together you're not going to tell them "hey let's split up and get back together when we are 35 so we can go wild."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was 25 when we got married, I was 27. He is very goal oriented and I think wanted a partner to support him in reaching his goals (among, of course, other things).

"Let's merge."

YES. A+ reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think marrying late is a DC phenomena. I feel bad for people in their 40’s who have young children. It’s a great feeling to have an empty nest before you even hit 50.

Great point.

It's also tons of being able to keep up with my teenage kids as we shoot hoops or do anything athletic. Both kids will be out of the house before I turn 47.

Wouldn't change it AT ALL.

Sure, missed out on some happy hours and trips in our late 20s and 30s. But the pay-off in the 40s was totally worth it

Plenty of us are loving and excelling at “keeping up with” our younger kids in our 40’s, so get over yourselves. You are not special or better at life because you got married and had kids young. These things happen for people at different times due to various life circumstances, including luck, so don’t be so smug. If anything I have noticed that people in their 40s with young kids seem much younger than people their same age who are empty nesters. The kids are keeping them young I guess.

Relax. PP was clearly talking about keeping up with their teen kids in athletics.

Its way different to play one-on-one basketball with a 15 years old when you're 41 compared to when your 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think marrying late is a DC phenomena. I feel bad for people in their 40’s who have young children. It’s a great feeling to have an empty nest before you even hit 50.

Great point.

It's also tons of being able to keep up with my teenage kids as we shoot hoops or do anything athletic. Both kids will be out of the house before I turn 47.

Wouldn't change it AT ALL.

Sure, missed out on some happy hours and trips in our late 20s and 30s. But the pay-off in the 40s was totally worth it

I am jealous of this, wish we had kids just a few years earlier.

Yeah, PP here who shoots hoops with his teenage kids.

But I should be honest. There really was a trade-off. We had kids earlier in our career (mid 20s,), so we weren't making as much and money was tight. And there was a feeling sometimes of "missing out". We would see our childless friends go on couples trips that we had to decline because we either couldn't afford it (2 kids in diapers, amirite?), or couldn't find someone to watch 2 kids under 3 for 5 days.

It really is a trade-off, and there's no "right answer". I'm sure the people that wait until their late 30s really value those memories of their childless 20s and early 30s.

But now, as my kids are teens, and I'm only in my mid 40s, it's really great. But I won't act like it wasn't tough being the only family where the parents were 26 & 27, and trying to go a toddler music class in Bethesda, and everyone else was 10+ years older than us

This is the most reasonable post on the whole thread. Pros and cons to both, clearly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best men and women get married in their 20's - early 30's. Any guy who's still single at 35 almost always has major issues.

OP, you sound like a guy who wasn't desirable in HS or college, and now you're hoping that the smaller dating pool when you're older makes you more desirable.

This is bullshit.

+1. Better question: Why are women who got married young so damn smug? You walked down an aisle and married some young guy with little or no dating experience. You didn’t cure cancer.

I’m not smug about it but both my husband and I had a lot of dating and relationship experience even though we married at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume it’s because they want to lock down a woman who theU subconsciously feel is out of their league in attractiveness.

Women have more societal power n their twenties. Men have more in their forties.

Yep there are a lot of.smart women and also some guys who are nerdy etc early on don't realize they'll be a "catch" later on when they are successful and have learned to dress better and work out. They are just happy to have found someone.

I had a very low opinion of myself and my attractiveness when I was in my early 20s. I now realize I could have had lots of women if I was more confident. Luckily my DW saw through that and gave me a chance.

[Anonymous]

I do have 2 young cousins who married around age 20. They both went into the military were it's the only way you can stay together as you get moved around. They both divorced by 23. Thankfully neither of them were dumb enough to have kids first, so that's good news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was that age I seem to remember a feeling that love was super rare, like finding a diamond and once you found it you couldn’t be careless with it because this might be may be the last chance you would ever have. Fast forward about 20 years and I have only recently come to realize that someone else could love me and I could love them very easily.
I’ve had an awful lot of fun in my life, I hadn’t been in a committed relationship when success came I probably would not still be alive … Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang.

I can’t believe you think I would write a post like this…

“I see some successful, handsome, charismatic guys getting hitched mid-late 20's. Why do this when you can easily wait another 10 years while living the fun single life and will probably be even more attractive to women by your mid-late 30's.“

LOL… cute 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think marrying late is a DC phenomena. I feel bad for people in their 40’s who have young children. It’s a great feeling to have an empty nest before you even hit 50.

Great point.

It's also tons of being able to keep up with my teenage kids as we shoot hoops or do anything athletic. Both kids will be out of the house before I turn 47.

Wouldn't change it AT ALL.

Sure, missed out on some happy hours and trips in our late 20s and 30s. But the pay-off in the 40s was totally worth it

+1

But meeting my spouse in mid-20s, we still did tons of happy hours, travel and even a sabbatical and lived abroad before having kids in our early 30s. We were pretty heavy partiers, foodies together before kids---and our passport was filled with stamps.

That's a good point. It was the kids, not the marriage, that stopped us from the happy hours and the international travel, etc

Yep. I'm another person who got married, then spent about 10 years traveling, going to concerts, etc. with my husband before we had kids.

+1 from another PP who married at 25. We started having kids just after everyone else we knew our age were getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe that people are arguing that when you have kids determines the quality of parent you are.

People especially the people who post on DCUM will argue anything to make themselves feel superior to others.

Nobody said that! They said it is a trade off of energy/time to travel and go out comes before kids or if that is cut short the time comes after kids but earlier than those that started later. If anything people are stating their own personal reasons and why they are happy while the insecure chime in with "NO!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best ones get snapped up quickly.

I agree with this. No, you don’t have to be married at 22 and I think there are serious downsides to getting married too early for many people, but if you wait until mid 30s to find a suitable partner you will have a harder time finding someone who shares your values. This applies to people who value marriage, children, and building a life together.

Yup, this! The dating pool doesn't look so good once you hit mid 30's.