Sexual secrets within a monogamous committed relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I masturbate to a video I found in her attic from her previous husband. Mostly blowjob and missionary but it turns me on so much to see her with somebody else. If she found out she would probably divorce me.

Did he do it better?

No. He had a huge uncircumcised penis but came in a minute or two.

This is a common male fantasy, and helps explain the "hot wife" phenomenon. From what I've read, this may also explain why the MFM situation can be a turn-on to some men.

That fantasy generally falls under the “cuckold” area for men - the word first appearing in English around 1200 AD.. For woman who desire seeing their man with another woman, it’s known as cuckquean - which appeared later; after 1500.

A kink - once discussed on the now-deleted explicit forum - asked: “have you ever watched your wife take a really large ( a word that rhymes with “Bilbo.” ) ?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here again. I think it is interesting the lines some people draw re whether they fantasize about people other than their partner. Some people do so without restriction, others do but only when going solo, still others when with partner but can't see face, etc. Also interesting that some don't like their partner to talk (which may be an effort to prevent reality from intruding on some fantasy). Are these rules we make up for ourselves because we think breaking them is somehow wrong or disrespectful to our partners?

Why are you so interested in this, OP? Research?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, does anyone own a toy that they keep secret from their partner? If so, why do you keep it secret?

I do. My wife is a total prude and we have sex perhaps 6x a year. Lord knows she used to have a great sex drive till we had kids. She won't share fantasies, and sex is something to do quickly to get over it. So my sex life is my own, and occasional fun on business travel, all of which I would gladly give up if I had a sex partner for a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I masturbate to a video I found in her attic from her previous husband. Mostly blowjob and missionary but it turns me on so much to see her with somebody else. If she found out she would probably divorce me.

I thought I got rid of all the videos I took with the Ex but, new DW, when we were dating ran across one. It was at the end of a recorded movie on the same tape. I walked in to see her watching it and I was horrified, but she really enjoyed it, much to my relief. She couldn't help making comparisons. I still got rid of it so she only saw it that one time but talked about it several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here again. I think it is interesting the lines some people draw re whether they fantasize about people other than their partner. Some people do so without restriction, others do but only when going solo, still others when with partner but can't see face, etc. Also interesting that some don't like their partner to talk (which may be an effort to prevent reality from intruding on some fantasy). Are these rules we make up for ourselves because we think breaking them is somehow wrong or disrespectful to our partners?

Why are you so interested in this, OP? Research?

Op here, I just find the topic of human sexuality fascinating. Also dealing with some of these same issues in my own relationship b/c partner hates talking about anything like this. Although I enjoy the gossip and snark on DCUM as much as the next person, I do think you can learn a thing or two about how others act and view things by posing questions like these.

[Anonymous]

Married for just a few years and love DW to death, however, I do all three of these. Reason being, she’s just on the vanilla side and I find that she has pretty much has little to no interest in the things I’m interested in. She doesn’t know the frequency of my porn watching but knows it happens, and even knows about my personal sex toys.

Fantasies? Who doesn’t have those? I’ll likely never tell DW those because there’s no point if she’s not interested in said acts. I’m pretty sure hers are all pretty tame though and hopefully she’s fulfilled all of her fantasies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for just a few years and love DW to death, however, I do all three of these. Reason being, she’s just on the vanilla side and I find that she has pretty much has little to no interest in the things I’m interested in. She doesn’t know the frequency of my porn watching but knows it happens, and even knows about my personal sex toys.

Fantasies? Who doesn’t have those? I’ll likely never tell DW those because there’s no point if she’s not interested in said acts. I’m pretty sure hers are all pretty tame though and hopefully she’s fulfilled all of her fantasies.

The now-old book “My Secret Garden” makes the compelling case that most sexual fantasies our brain creates are never meant to ever take place; they may even be impossible. Rather, they are a function of our sexual psyche, are normal, and are healthy to think of from time to time.

I think what you may be describing is a particular kink you would like to try, but your wife would never be open to trying.

Then again: you never know until you ask (timing is everything here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married for just a few years and love DW to death, however, I do all three of these. Reason being, she’s just on the vanilla side and I find that she has pretty much has little to no interest in the things I’m interested in. She doesn’t know the frequency of my porn watching but knows it happens, and even knows about my personal sex toys.

Fantasies? Who doesn’t have those? I’ll likely never tell DW those because there’s no point if she’s not interested in said acts. I’m pretty sure hers are all pretty tame though and hopefully she’s fulfilled all of her fantasies.

The now-old book “My Secret Garden” makes the compelling case that most sexual fantasies our brain creates are never meant to ever take place; they may even be impossible. Rather, they are a function of our sexual psyche, are normal, and are healthy to think of from time to time.

I think what you may be describing is a particular kink you would like to try, but your wife would never be open to trying.

Then again: you never know until you ask (timing is everything here).

Something like that, but oddly enough I do recall actually sharing it with her a while ago. She ended up asking why I don’t force her to fulfill my fantasies and it left me speechless. The last thing I want is to force anyone one to do something they aren’t into. I also recognize that certain things probably aren’t as special as people make them out to be—so I’m likely not missing much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married for just a few years and love DW to death, however, I do all three of these. Reason being, she’s just on the vanilla side and I find that she has pretty much has little to no interest in the things I’m interested in. She doesn’t know the frequency of my porn watching but knows it happens, and even knows about my personal sex toys.

Fantasies? Who doesn’t have those? I’ll likely never tell DW those because there’s no point if she’s not interested in said acts. I’m pretty sure hers are all pretty tame though and hopefully she’s fulfilled all of her fantasies.

The now-old book “My Secret Garden” makes the compelling case that most sexual fantasies our brain creates are never meant to ever take place; they may even be impossible. Rather, they are a function of our sexual psyche, are normal, and are healthy to think of from time to time.

I think what you may be describing is a particular kink you would like to try, but your wife would never be open to trying.

Then again: you never know until you ask (timing is everything here).

Something like that, but oddly enough I do recall actually sharing it with her a while ago. She ended up asking why I don’t force her to fulfill my fantasies and it left me speechless. The last thing I want is to force anyone one to do something they aren’t into. I also recognize that certain things probably aren’t as special as people make them out to be—so I’m likely not missing much.

Sounds like she strongly suggested she wants to be submissive (many people do). Assuming you are in a trusting, loving relationship, there may be ways to explore that, and see if she responds positively.

But I doubt that having a detailed, graphic,conversation ahead of time would lead you two anywhere. It would probably turn her off.

Sorry, but you’ll need to use your intuition here, and tread carefully but firmly.

[Anonymous]

One night, DW walked into the bedroom wearing a $trapon around her waist. I’d say that was a surprise/secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One night, DW walked into the bedroom wearing a $trapon around her waist. I’d say that was a surprise/secret.

Does she use it exclusively on you? Or is she testing it with other DWs in the neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married for just a few years and love DW to death, however, I do all three of these. Reason being, she’s just on the vanilla side and I find that she has pretty much has little to no interest in the things I’m interested in. She doesn’t know the frequency of my porn watching but knows it happens, and even knows about my personal sex toys.

Fantasies? Who doesn’t have those? I’ll likely never tell DW those because there’s no point if she’s not interested in said acts. I’m pretty sure hers are all pretty tame though and hopefully she’s fulfilled all of her fantasies.

The now-old book “My Secret Garden” makes the compelling case that most sexual fantasies our brain creates are never meant to ever take place; they may even be impossible. Rather, they are a function of our sexual psyche, are normal, and are healthy to think of from time to time.

I think what you may be describing is a particular kink you would like to try, but your wife would never be open to trying.

Then again: you never know until you ask (timing is everything here).

Something like that, but oddly enough I do recall actually sharing it with her a while ago. She ended up asking why I don’t force her to fulfill my fantasies and it left me speechless. The last thing I want is to force anyone one to do something they aren’t into. I also recognize that certain things probably aren’t as special as people make them out to be—so I’m likely not missing much.

You totally missed her clue. Totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One night, DW walked into the bedroom wearing a $trapon around her waist. I’d say that was a surprise/secret.

Does she use it exclusively on you? Or is she testing it with other DWs in the neighborhood?

She said she always wanted to use it on me so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds like she strongly suggested she wants to be submissive (many people do). Assuming you are in a trusting, loving relationship, there may be ways to explore that, and see if she responds positively.

But I doubt that having a detailed, graphic,conversation ahead of time would lead you two anywhere. It would probably turn her off.

Sorry, but you’ll need to use your intuition here, and tread carefully but firmly.

You don't go around trying to intuit if a woman wants to be forced into something. Consent is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds like she strongly suggested she wants to be submissive (many people do). Assuming you are in a trusting, loving relationship, there may be ways to explore that, and see if she responds positively.

But I doubt that having a detailed, graphic,conversation ahead of time would lead you two anywhere. It would probably turn her off.

Sorry, but you’ll need to use your intuition here, and tread carefully but firmly.

You don't go around trying to intuit if a woman wants to be forced into something. Consent is important.

Seriously. Better risk not fulfilling her fantasy than, well, the other option.