Sexual secrets within a monogamous committed relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Any other women here who would hide from their partner the fact that they are reading erotic lit? Why do that (other than the fact that partner is puritanical about such lit)? Fear that you'd make him feel inadequate by comparison to whatever happens in the lit?

I’m the PP with the husband who was judgey at first. I never hid it from him. In fact I wore him down and made him read one (he admitted it was good). I think he just had some residual bias. People are generally (and I know they are exceptions you don’t have to tell me you are one of them) more judgmental about women reading erotic lit than they are about men watching pron.

[Anonymous]

36 F. I don't tell my husband about fantasies because I know he'd want to roleplay them with me and it's too goofy. He likes dialogue and trying to talk about them would just make me way too self conscious to enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

We never discuss any of that but we have a great sex life. Am I doing something wrong? FWIW I don’t watch porn but I’m fine with the other two.

[Anonymous]

I’m quite prudish when it comes to talking about sex but I love it and think I’m good at it. What happens in my head stays in my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Any other women here who would hide from their partner the fact that they are reading erotic lit? Why do that (other than the fact that partner is puritanical about such lit)? Fear that you'd make him feel inadequate by comparison to whatever happens in the lit?

I’d be happy if my wife read erotic literature. Heck I’d probably read it with her. A man who feels inadequate over his wife reading a erotic book probably has major insecurities.

[Anonymous]

I recently got into pegging. I have an escort out a strap on and do me from behind with it. It’s something I’ve tried to get my wife to do for years but she would never even try.

[Anonymous]

42M in a dead bedroom marriage. Yes to all three, averaging daily. For solo sessions, most of the time I start with generally mundane porn - nudes and such, and go to fantasies based on things that have happened in the past, with tweaks. I never fantasize about having an affair in current life situation. Not really a secret, but we don't discuss it. I've tried to engage her on her fantasies, but she is effectively asexual at this point.

[Anonymous]

52 female - we don’t talk about it but I’m into 2 and 3. My fantasies are generally around what we do, not doing it with someone else. I have read some erotic literature and that has led to some fun bondage with DH - hand cuffs, scarf tie downs. We have a fireplace in our MBR and being on the floor in front of it seems to unleash something in me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never discuss any of that but we have a great sex life. Am I doing something wrong? FWIW I don’t watch porn but I’m fine with the other two.

I don’t think you’re doing something wrong! Whatever works for you both of you is exactly what you should be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m quite prudish when it comes to talking about sex but I love it and think I’m good at it. What happens in my head stays in my head.

I am too, which is why I watch pron and send DH the things I want to try. When I do that I literally throw my phone across the room and hang my head in shame. DH thinks it’s funny. So basically I’m a prude but I also cant help myself.

[Anonymous]

We both enjoy good porn, occasionally watch together but rarely.

We have mutual sessions a couple of times a week. DH has solo sessions probably twice a day. I take care of myself 2-3 times a week.

We both indulge each other’s fantasies on a regular basis. We have one standing rule, we don’t play with others. Everything else is up for discussion.

[Anonymous]

Female 40. Married 19 years. I do all three, 1- weekly, 2, several times a week. I have several fantasies for 3 and I y’all about them openly. DH knows about all, likes to hear about it. We own a handful of sex toys. Have sex 3-4 times a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36 F. I don't tell my husband about fantasies because I know he'd want to roleplay them with me and it's too goofy. He likes dialogue and trying to talk about them would just make me way too self conscious to enjoy it.

Can you give an example of one that is goofy? I think almost everyone has fantasies and the range is very wide so no judgment here, just curious…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 F. I don't tell my husband about fantasies because I know he'd want to roleplay them with me and it's too goofy. He likes dialogue and trying to talk about them would just make me way too self conscious to enjoy it.

Can you give an example of one that is goofy? I think almost everyone has fantasies and the range is very wide so no judgment here, just curious…

I don’t think she’s saying the fantasies are goofy. The enactment, especially with her husband’s version of the dialogue, would ruin it for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:52 female - we don’t talk about it but I’m into 2 and 3. My fantasies are generally around what we do, not doing it with someone else. I have read some erotic literature and that has led to some fun bondage with DH - hand cuffs, scarf tie downs. We have a fireplace in our MBR and being on the floor in front of it seems to unleash something in me.

Any reason why you don’t ever talk about 2? Seems like you are very open re 3 in a way that does not suggest you are shy or holding back concerning your wishes. Maybe 2 is just by nature a more private thing (although it could always become a group sport if you wanted it to).