Husband Is Adamant I Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am going to tell you secret of having a baby and what the baby wants. Ready???

A happy mother!!!!!!


I swear to you that your baby wants a happy mom more than anything else on the planet. So you do what makes sense for YOUR body and YOUR breasts. We are in 2021 and you luckily have so many choices


For the haters I nursed my 2 kids for more than a year each. It was the easy thing for me. If it’s not the easy thing for THIS mom she should make a different choice

THIS OP. Seriously, this.

I chose not to breastfeed any of my three children, I did not even try one time. And it was simply because I did not want to. My pregnancies were agonizing and I wanted my body back with fervent desperation at the end and I honestly couldn't imagine breastfeeding. I have no problem with it at all, no feelings at all seeing another woman breastfeed, but the thought of breastfeeding myself was actually like, repellant to me, viscerally.

So I just did not do it.

If I tried, maybe it would have worked, who knows, but formula is not just 'fine' it is great. It is a modern miracle! It means babies survive! It means they thrive where they once could not. It is SO modern 21st century America to have had science give us an absolute miracle that every generation of humans before 1900 would have like, given almost ANYTHING for and for us to reject it as 'meh' because its less 'natural.'

You don't like it, you are unhappy, you may start to resent your baby as a result. So stop. I agree with others that it does sound like this is the peak awful time from what I've heard from friends and so if it was something that you had said was important to YOU I might encourage you to push through it. But this isn't important to you and you don't like it. You don't have to keep doing it. Your baby will thrive and no one can tell which of the 6 year olds were breastfed. Be COVID safe and have some reassurance in the fact that healthy babies are less likely to see severe outcomes and if you were vaccinated you have already passed on some protection. And keep your baby protected as you would during ANY winter season from flu and other seasonal illnesses. Honestly you should be more on guard against RSV than COVID with a newborn. You don't have to do this, even if the only reason is that you don't like it. If any doctor could make a choice between making sure a baby was breastfed or making sure the baby was being cared for by a happy, healthy, calm and engaged mother, they would pick the latter. Being happy and engaged is FAR more important to your infant than breastmilk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your supply will adjust. Right now it’s driven primarily by hormones which are going LACTATE LACTATE LACTATE, but soon it will be entirely demand-driven. Your body has a strong sense of time, and you’ll find that as you settle into a nursing rhythm you stop producing so much at times you’re not used to nursing. The first time my baby slept through a normal feeding time I was quite uncomfortable, but after a night or two I wasn’t at all.

That said, you shouldn’t keep nursing if you really don’t like it. But I do want to tell you that the uncomfortable constantly full leaky feeling fades after the first couple of weeks.

Love,
Nursing the fourth baby, this has happened every time

Agree with this. I nursed 3 kids. While the first 6 weeks are a lot of work breastfeeding, it is actually a LOT easier and less of a PIA with the bottles and cleaning and pumping and such after those initial newborn weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your supply will adjust. Right now it’s driven primarily by hormones which are going LACTATE LACTATE LACTATE, but soon it will be entirely demand-driven. Your body has a strong sense of time, and you’ll find that as you settle into a nursing rhythm you stop producing so much at times you’re not used to nursing. The first time my baby slept through a normal feeding time I was quite uncomfortable, but after a night or two I wasn’t at all.

That said, you shouldn’t keep nursing if you really don’t like it. But I do want to tell you that the uncomfortable constantly full leaky feeling fades after the first couple of weeks.

Love,
Nursing the fourth baby, this has happened every time

Agree with this. I nursed 3 kids. While the first 6 weeks are a lot of work breastfeeding, it is actually a LOT easier and less of a PIA with the bottles and cleaning and pumping and such after those initial newborn weeks.

+1 You are only two weeks in. It is hard for everyone in that time. My nipples were sore, I leaked and it felt like DD wanted to nurse all the time. But after a few more weeks, it got a lot better and became a special time. Plus whenever she was hungry, it was there and exactly the right temperature. No bottles to clean or formula to mix and warm. That said, I agree with other PPs, a fed baby and a happy mom are the most important things. Listen to yourself and your body, ultimately there is no wrong answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your supply will adjust. Right now it’s driven primarily by hormones which are going LACTATE LACTATE LACTATE, but soon it will be entirely demand-driven. Your body has a strong sense of time, and you’ll find that as you settle into a nursing rhythm you stop producing so much at times you’re not used to nursing. The first time my baby slept through a normal feeding time I was quite uncomfortable, but after a night or two I wasn’t at all.

That said, you shouldn’t keep nursing if you really don’t like it. But I do want to tell you that the uncomfortable constantly full leaky feeling fades after the first couple of weeks.

Love,
Nursing the fourth baby, this has happened every time

Agree with this. I nursed 3 kids. While the first 6 weeks are a lot of work breastfeeding, it is actually a LOT easier and less of a PIA with the bottles and cleaning and pumping and such after those initial newborn weeks.

+1 You are only two weeks in. It is hard for everyone in that time. My nipples were sore, I leaked and it felt like DD wanted to nurse all the time. But after a few more weeks, it got a lot better and became a special time. Plus whenever she was hungry, it was there and exactly the right temperature. No bottles to clean or formula to mix and warm. That said, I agree with other PPs, a fed baby and a happy mom are the most important things. Listen to yourself and your body, ultimately there is no wrong answer.

Yes. Breastfeeding IS easier than bottle feeding, after the first month. But do what is right for you. If you are looking for easy and convenient, stick with nursing, drop pumping, and feed on demand. Your body and baby will adjust to each other and it will be so easy once that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe have a talk together with the pediatrician who can share how the baby will be fine with formula and how the mental health of the mother is essential to bonding. It’s really challenging to have these conversations when you’re sleep deprived and dealing with the newness of being parents. Having a third party might help with that conversation. The pediatrician is focused solely on the baby.

+2

They did -- OP's pediatrician recommended that she continue to nurse.

Personally, I'd agree to continue until the 6-week mark and then re-evaluate. My ped said that the biggest benefit of nursing is the first six weeks, and then the first four months. So keep it up for another month, and then see how it's going.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm envious that you get 5 hours of sleep in one stretch at night at this stage. I'll also echo others that suggest you give it a bit more time. I've done formula, pump, and nursing and any combo therein with my two, and nursing is by far the easiest option once everything stabilized.

[Anonymous]

Op parenting is mostly doing things we don’t like. Welcome to the club. Wait until travel sports starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op parenting is mostly doing things we don’t like. Welcome to the club. Wait until travel sports starts.

Just like travel sports, breastfeeding is something that's nice to do with some benefits if all parties enjoy it. But there's nothing wrong with skipping it.

That said, breastfeeding does get easier and less painful, so I think OP should wait a couple weeks before deciding to throw in the towel.

[Anonymous]

You passed most of your immunity to your baby during pregnancy. BF is overrated in that area.

[Anonymous]

OP - you are two weeks in. Your body is in a HUGE adjustment period. You are just figuring out so much about motherhood, and breastfeeding. I think you should hang in until the baby is at least 6 weeks old, then re-evaluate. Ideally, try to make it through 4 months (your leave) and then taper off. A couple of tips/comments:
-Why are you feeding off one boob and pumping the other at the same time? Just switch half way through. Change the diaper at the halfway point if you need to wake baby up. You are creating your own engorgement by using more milk than needed at that feed.
-During the day, pick a tv series or movie, grab a snack and plop yourself in front of the tv and binge watch while baby nurses. Try Ted Lasso one episode per nursing session or pick a movie to watch in segments over the course of the day. I guarantee this will make you look forward to nursing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I normally would be very pro your body, your choice. But with covid, would you ever forgive yourself if you stopped breastfeeding and your baby got covid? If you are okay with it, stop breast feeding. Also talk to your doctor. Your baby might be more in danger of measles from antivaxxers.

Your baby can get COVID even if you breastfeed. Your baby can get COVID even if you get vaccinated while pregnant. What was written above is not correct. If you're child gets COVID it's probably going to be caused by a breakthrough infection from you getting COVID, so focus your attention on being safe (whatever that means to you) over the next few months.

Also, speak to YOUR doctor about YOUR mental health and speak to your child's doctor about what would be best for them. I would definitely do the latter with your husband, because hopefully hearing from a third party will calm him down as others having said. If your baby is a premie there may be more of a benefit to you breastfeeding and there is definitely a benefit to breastfeeding in the first few months, but it doesn't need to be all or nothing. You can combo feed and do a mix of formula and breastmilk. You don't need to do everything. Also, I'm sure that most doctors would say that the benefit of breastfeeding is negated if you are experiencing PPD/PPA as a result of breastfeeding and can't properly bond with your child during that time. My SIL killed herself trying to breastfeed and I think it definitely exacerbated her PPD/PPA. Was it worth it? I have no idea, but from the outside looking in it looked like she was going through hell and I doubt that benefitted her child.

[Anonymous]

I'm just so aggravated by all these posts telling OP to stick with it for x period longer.

WTH? This would be appropriate if OP said she is having difficulty but wanted to keep going, or was asking for advice on how to make it easier, but OP clearly says she WANTS TO STOP.

The responses should be supporting OP with her decision and helping her to navigate how to handle the husband, who may be well-meaning, but is pressuring her to do something that she does not want to do with her body!

[Anonymous]

Let me make this very simple.

OP this is your body. This does not bode well for your marriage.

He can not tell you what to do.
Tell him to take a flying leap.

If you don't you will be divorced in less than 5 years.

He's a controlling POS>

[Anonymous]

I understand his feelings, however you don't get to be "adamant" about what another person does with their body. You don't get to insist that your spouse allow your baby to eat from their body.

I would try to do it as long as you can. Maybe talk to the ped. about the earliest recommended point to stop. FYI both my kids self weaned at about 4 months. They just weren't interested in it anymore.

Also imagine how horrible you will feel if you stop and the baby does catch something. And how that could impact your relationship.

I respect your choice, so should he, and I would try to compromise as long as I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a newborn and I don’t have a strong desire to breastfeed. It’s going well for the part but I don’t like it. I would be more comfortable switching to formula. My husband is obsessed with me breastfeeding because he wants to give the baby as much immunize support as possible during this time. He suggested I pump if I don’t want to nurse. I tried a couple days of pumping and it’s better for some reasons but still a lot of work. He’s a great husband who lets me make most of the decisions or doesn’t care but he’s very adamant with this one. He is very involved and has been doing everything he can to make things easier for me to nurse or pump. I still just don’t want to and hate having to breastfeed.

As only you have breasts then only you can make the decision whether you BF or FF. He is a controlling jerk.