I can tell DIL is over our visit, and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

DH and I are visiting my son/DIL and grandkids for the holidays. We arrived on the 22 and are set to leave Monday morning.

In many ways, it's been a very nice visit. Christmas itself was wonderful. Good time with the grandkids, and my son and his wife have cooked, cleaned, and been gracious in many ways. I would like to think that DH and I have been helpful, too. We've played with the kids, and offered to bring/make/buy food. We've offered to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, anything that would be helpful.

DIL for the past day or two has seemed distrant and increasingly irritated. I can't seem to do anything right with offers to help. Instead of coming downstairs after the kids are in bed like she did the first few nights, she now just hides. She made coffee and doted on us the first few days, and now is very "help yourself," which is fine, but I don't understand why she has to be cold and distant.

I honestly don't know what to do. We're not scheduled to leave yet, and I don't want to miss time with the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is an introvert who just needs some time to herself.

[Anonymous]

Take them out to dinner. Offer to babysit so they can go on a date. Next time stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

She’s tired. Give her a break. Go out for lunch by yourselves or explore a museum or take a walk.

[Anonymous]

I love Christmas and I also love my inlaws, but after Christmas I'm done. It was all too much and I just need alone time to recharge. I rarely do anything all of January because November and December are packed.

Are you and your DH going out doing touristy things on your own? Or just take the kids with you if you want to be with them. I need my guests out of my house after 3 days and I don't want to plan it.

[Anonymous]

I have family (mine, not in laws) visiting for 2 full weeks. I love them but I’m totally over it. Hiding at my office now. Are you able to take the kids out alone to a museum or trampoline park or something?

[Anonymous]

Can you and DH decide to go to a museum and see a movie on your own?

Can you ask your son if you've done something to offend his wife?

You're staying for over a WEEK. That's a long time. Maybe she's just plain tired. Maybe next time get a hotel for half the visit.

[Anonymous]

Can you get out of the house and do something on your own or with your son and grandkids the next two days? Maybe the zoo or a movie or Great Falls Park or anything at all that gets you out of the house?

[Anonymous]

Go to a nearby hotel. Invite them to bring the kids to swim for a bit, then take them out to dinner. They need space and to get back to their own routine. It sounds like they've done a lot for you and given a lot to you. Just give them space and time.

[Anonymous]

Take the kids out to a playground. That will give her some time to relax or get things done without the kids underfoot and, also, will tire out the kids so they fall asleep more easily at bedtime. Double win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are visiting my son/DIL and grandkids for the holidays. We arrived on the 22 and are set to leave Monday morning.

In many ways, it's been a very nice visit. Christmas itself was wonderful. Good time with the grandkids, and my son and his wife have cooked, cleaned, and been gracious in many ways. I would like to think that DH and I have been helpful, too. We've played with the kids, and offered to bring/make/buy food. We've offered to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, anything that would be helpful.

DIL for the past day or two has seemed distrant and increasingly irritated. I can't seem to do anything right with offers to help. Instead of coming downstairs after the kids are in bed like she did the first few nights, she now just hides. She made coffee and doted on us the first few days, and now is very "help yourself," which is fine, but I don't understand why she has to be cold and distant.

I honestly don't know what to do. We're not scheduled to leave yet, and I don't want to miss time with the grandkids.

This makes me go with the PP who suggested that she might be an introvert. They truly need time alone (and an hour doesn't do it) to recharge. Things like offering to do the dishes are nice gestures but when an introvert is suffering from overload they just want to be alone--even if it means just doing the dishes without speaking to anyone. I agree with getting out of the house by yourselves or with the kids for a few hours but honestly, don't expect her to be that much different when you get back. Please try not to take it personally. Most likely it's really not about you, your DH or anything you've done. It's about your DIL being on overload.

[Anonymous]

OP answer if you're planning an activity for yourselves every day and you're leaving the house by yourself. Because if not, that's the problem. Bringing the grandkids would be a bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH decide to go to a museum and see a movie on your own?

Can you ask your son if you've done something to offend his wife?

You're staying for over a WEEK. That's a long time. Maybe she's just plain tired. Maybe next time get a hotel for half the visit.

Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

My mom is visiting and I've been doing this. It's really nothing to do with her, I'm just tired, and want some alone time. Just give her some space, and continue to try to be friendly. Don't ask her what's wrong, what you did wrong, if she's mad (what my mother keeps doing to me). GIve her space, take the grandkids somewhere, and get out of the house on your own or with them for a few hours.

Your son is probably over it too, but he very likely did a lot less of the planning, cooking, stressing, etc than she did. I know my DH is less "over" my mother than I am...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH decide to go to a museum and see a movie on your own?

Can you ask your son if you've done something to offend his wife?

You're staying for over a WEEK. That's a long time. Maybe she's just plain tired. Maybe next time get a hotel for half the visit.

Do not do this.

Don't do this. He'll ask her, and it will be annoying. I just posted that my mom keeps doing this. I can almost promise you that she is just tired of the whole holiday rush, nothing personal.