I can tell DIL is over our visit, and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think your stay is too long per se but if you don't give your DIL and son some space then you're not being the best guests. If it were me-i'd take the kids out for an active afternoon and suggest you then watch them for a night or two. With 8 days I'd also take the bulk of one or two days where you are off on your own into the evening so they can have a quiet family night too. Also instead of bring helpful be inquisitive as to their lives, even with school closed for break ask kids to show you their schools or favorite playgrounds.

[Anonymous]

The use of the phrase "doted on" gives me the impression that OP is not a stress-free houseguest.

OP, do something to make your DIL's life easier. Take your grandkids somewhere.

[Anonymous]

You could be my MIL. There's only so much entertaining I can do. I am an introvert and I need alone time, so I revert to my room sometimes in the evenings. It's hard to be "on" all day every day.

[Anonymous]

Have an emergency and go home. She’s had it with hosting. It’s not you.

[Anonymous]

Most likely its not that you’ve done anything wrong besides staying too long. 3-4 days is about as long as I want my parents or in laws to stay. Only way you should stay longer than that is if they explicitly ask you to.

[Anonymous]

Omg no one wants their in-laws in the house for like what 8 days? That’s nuts .... I’m super done after 3 days, do not stay for that long!

[Anonymous]

That is a LONG visit. I would hate receiving any guest, even ones I adore, for so long!!!


Offer a date night.

Take yourself out of the house for a good part of the day, most days, with or without the grandkids.

Don’t engage her as much in conversation, and try to be unobtrusive and not need her help with things.

[Anonymous]

I have seen SO many grandparents in town between Thanksgiving and now. They don’t seem to know their way around driving or in the stores, and don’t really seem to be enjoying themselves trying. Seems cruel.

It is honestly easier for the young families to go visit the grandparents, wherever that may be. I can’t imagine being age 65 plus and wanting to be away from my own bed more than two nights - never mind navigating a strange place, with strange roads, and strange stores. Seems like maybe good intentions gone bad.

OP, have them come see you next year.

[Anonymous]

Don’t take it personal. I’m tired of anyone even my own parents after an extended stay.

[Anonymous]

OP - you are there too long. 3 nights max. 3 nights max staying with them, with anybody, ideally. Otherwise hotel.

You can stay in a hotel in the area some of time and see the family for shorter periods. Or combine seeing them with a side-visit to somewhere else part of the time.

But you're staying at their house tooo long.

[Anonymous]

pp again. Op, I am probably your age. My parents always practiced the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My challenge when my parents visit is that they suck up all of my kids’ time and attention. DH and I fade into the background while they dots on their grandkids, which can make us both become resentful.

Offer your son and DIL a date night while you babysit. Also maybe offer that you two vacate for an afternoon or evening and let their family unit spend time together and reconnect. That’s a long time to visit.

This need to reconnect as a family unit is important. My sister visits often and we enjoy it but when she leaves we all are happy to get back to us.

[Anonymous]

Stop offering, start doing!

She's not going to say, "sure, clean the kitchen." So just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop offering, start doing!

She's not going to say, "sure, clean the kitchen." So just do it.

This this and this. To me, if you were a part of making the mess than the DIL won’t be offended if you say pitch in without asking. Also it seems odd to me that you are taking it so personally and not wanting to now feel at home a bit. As a DIL I never knew what to do. Dote on in-laws so they could feel like welcome GUESTS or make them feel at home by allowing them to be more self sufficient. Seems like they were never happy with either way and complained that I wasn’t being nice enough or that they felt like I was treating them like a guest. I Hope you aren’t this way too OP. Choose which one you want to be treated as -family or a guest.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have grandparents stay for a few weeks. I constantly feel like i am on with the cooking, cleaning and keeping everything perfectly neat and by the end I'm done. I am not used to family staying at our home as my parents never really hosted anyone growing up and while I love and adore them, its hard to be on constantly. I am really glad they come but wish they'd come more often for shorter visits.