I can tell DIL is over our visit, and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

My in-laws plan all day outings in DC. It provides me a much needed break from cooking and entertaining! I love my in-laws, but I need time to myself to recharge, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are visiting my son/DIL and grandkids for the holidays. We arrived on the 22 and are set to leave Monday morning.

In many ways, it's been a very nice visit. Christmas itself was wonderful. Good time with the grandkids, and my son and his wife have cooked, cleaned, and been gracious in many ways. I would like to think that DH and I have been helpful, too. We've played with the kids, and offered to bring/make/buy food. We've offered to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, anything that would be helpful.

DIL for the past day or two has seemed distrant and increasingly irritated. I can't seem to do anything right with offers to help. Instead of coming downstairs after the kids are in bed like she did the first few nights, she now just hides. She made coffee and doted on us the first few days, and now is very "help yourself," which is fine, but I don't understand why she has to be cold and distant.

I honestly don't know what to do. We're not scheduled to leave yet, and I don't want to miss time with the grandkids.

You do know what to do. You give her time to herself without being so judgmental and calling her "cold" and "distant".

Entertaining yourself is the best gift a house guest can give to a host. Do you have a good book to read? If not, ask your son to take you to the bookstore (without being a martyr about it). Do you enjoy exercise? Go for a walk or park. Offer to take the kids but don't push if the answer is no. Watch the news. Allow her to drink a cup of coffee in the kitch and read the paper in peace, without trying to have a conversation. Do chores that you know how to do without asking your DIL every 5 seconds "and where does this dish go? and what about this one?"

[Anonymous]

You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

can you take the little one go downtown? 8 days is a long visit. pick up some take out for dinner on your way back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

don't be a bit*h

[Anonymous]

She’s probably just an introvert. Don’t create any drama or worry about it, just make some effort to get out of the house or offer to babysit so she can go out and get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

don't be a bit*h

NP. OP seems a little dense as to why her DIL wants a little space, so someone has to say it outright.

[Anonymous]

Leave for a day of activities with your dh.
Get a gift card for a nice restaurant and watch the kids.
Take the kids out for an activity for a few hours, like dinner and a movie.

The best guests have established their own plans to cover 50% of their visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is an introvert who just needs some time to herself.

+100 this would be me. Don’t take it personally maybe go out for a few hours and site see to give her some downtime at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

don't be a bit*h

NP. OP seems a little dense as to why her DIL wants a little space, so someone has to say it outright.

Maybe you're dense in your inability to see that people are different, and that not everyone thinks houseguests that don't spend time with those they are visiting are ideal? You can just nicely point it out that likely the DIL just needs some time and space.

[Anonymous]

I don't even want people in my life who I am incredibly close to and comfortable with staying in my house for 8 days as guests. Too long. Or if you're going to be there that long, you have to be incredibly self-sufficient - out of the house for large stretches of time, feeding yourself, etc.

Next time get a hotel.

[Anonymous]

My challenge when my parents visit is that they suck up all of my kids’ time and attention. DH and I fade into the background while they dots on their grandkids, which can make us both become resentful.

Offer your son and DIL a date night while you babysit. Also maybe offer that you two vacate for an afternoon or evening and let their family unit spend time together and reconnect. That’s a long time to visit.

[Anonymous]

Ask your son what you can do to lighten the load or give them a break. Your DIL is probably not comfortable enough to tell you that she needs her space or that the way you unload the dishwasher isn’t the way she prefers, etc.. And please don’t be or act offended (not saying you are)... it is really hard hosting for so long, especially with young kids and a kid-centric holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

+1

Get out of the house during the day and offer to watch the kids so they can go out for a dinner date.

Give them space. And don’t stay so long next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've stayed too long. Get out of the house for large chunks of time. Is this so hard to understand?

don't be a bit*h

NP. OP seems a little dense as to why her DIL wants a little space, so someone has to say it outright.

+1

I can understand why the DIL needs space.