I can tell DIL is over our visit, and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

What? Where do you see anything about what the DIL is doing, other than encouraging her ILs to help themselves and retiring to her room in the evening when the children do? That sounds very gracious to me.

OP said she's being cold and will barely talk to her. That's petulant and rude.

Gee, you think maybe that’s in reaction to OP being overbearing and annoying?

Perhaps it is. But regardless, it's still petulant and rude behavior from a host. And honestly, I haven't read too much from OP that makes me think she's being a bad guest; after all, she was invited to stay, and she's offering to help. What I see here is a sulky, whiny DIL who is being rude.

So basically Op is being rude when she is not actively doting on her in-laws. Gotcha. Hotel for you pp. You are not the wonderful guest that you seem to think that you are.

If you can't tell the difference between being cold, rude, and petulant (which is what OP described), and graciously retiring from hosting to a bedroom for alone time (which is not what OP described), you are obviously one of the socially stunted women with miserable families that haunt this site. I mean, whatever, continue in your strained, distant family life. Family life on this website is such a trainwreck.

I’m so tired of geriatric tantrums.

Grandma is seriously throwing a fit because her DIL told her to help herself after waiting on her for several days? (Including Christmas Eve and Christmas!!!) Cone on! Do old people really feel they are entitled to be waited on forever? All this because DIL said “help yourself!” instead of plating your breakfast like you were a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Introverted DIL here - solidarity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

What? Where do you see anything about what the DIL is doing, other than encouraging her ILs to help themselves and retiring to her room in the evening when the children do? That sounds very gracious to me.

OP said she's being cold and will barely talk to her. That's petulant and rude.

Gee, you think maybe that’s in reaction to OP being overbearing and annoying?

Perhaps it is. But regardless, it's still petulant and rude behavior from a host. And honestly, I haven't read too much from OP that makes me think she's being a bad guest; after all, she was invited to stay, and she's offering to help. What I see here is a sulky, whiny DIL who is being rude.

So basically Op is being rude when she is not actively doting on her in-laws. Gotcha. Hotel for you pp. You are not the wonderful guest that you seem to think that you are.

If you can't tell the difference between being cold, rude, and petulant (which is what OP described), and graciously retiring from hosting to a bedroom for alone time (which is not what OP described), you are obviously one of the socially stunted women with miserable families that haunt this site. I mean, whatever, continue in your strained, distant family life. Family life on this website is such a trainwreck.

I’m so tired of geriatric tantrums.

Grandma is seriously throwing a fit because her DIL told her to help herself after waiting on her for several days? (Including Christmas Eve and Christmas!!!) Cone on! Do old people really feel they are entitled to be waited on forever? All this because DIL said “help yourself!” instead of plating your breakfast like you were a toddler?

Take all the age-related references in your post and replace them with "female" or "black" or a specific religion, and then read it out loud in public. If you can't do it, then you may understand why their are laws about age discrimination. You are a bigot with obvious hatred towards people who happen to be old.

[Anonymous]

Guests who stay more than 3nights do so at their own peril.

You are overstaying your welcome. No one can be on their best behavior forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

What? Where do you see anything about what the DIL is doing, other than encouraging her ILs to help themselves and retiring to her room in the evening when the children do? That sounds very gracious to me.

OP said she's being cold and will barely talk to her. That's petulant and rude.

Gee, you think maybe that’s in reaction to OP being overbearing and annoying?

Perhaps it is. But regardless, it's still petulant and rude behavior from a host. And honestly, I haven't read too much from OP that makes me think she's being a bad guest; after all, she was invited to stay, and she's offering to help. What I see here is a sulky, whiny DIL who is being rude.

So basically Op is being rude when she is not actively doting on her in-laws. Gotcha. Hotel for you pp. You are not the wonderful guest that you seem to think that you are.

If you can't tell the difference between being cold, rude, and petulant (which is what OP described), and graciously retiring from hosting to a bedroom for alone time (which is not what OP described), you are obviously one of the socially stunted women with miserable families that haunt this site. I mean, whatever, continue in your strained, distant family life. Family life on this website is such a trainwreck.

I’m so tired of geriatric tantrums.

Grandma is seriously throwing a fit because her DIL told her to help herself after waiting on her for several days? (Including Christmas Eve and Christmas!!!) Cone on! Do old people really feel they are entitled to be waited on forever? All this because DIL said “help yourself!” instead of plating your breakfast like you were a toddler?

Take all the age-related references in your post and replace them with "female" or "black" or a specific religion, and then read it out loud in public. If you can't do it, then you may understand why their are laws about age discrimination. You are a bigot with obvious hatred towards people who happen to be old.

DP. I'm pretty sure PP just doesn't like you, PP. Though nice try hiding behind real oppressed groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

Well, this is where you realize that we are not all "the same". For you, having the in-laws pitching fort in your guest room for 3 weeks at a time is a minor inconvenience for others that would be a major source of stress. Op's feelings matter, too, especially in her own home.

+1

[Anonymous]

She’s exhausted and needs downtime. Being a full time parent and working is a lot. Add to that major holiday planning and entertaining other people for days... way too much. You need to actually take some stuff off her plate. Not add to it.

[Anonymous]

^^ also, my parents do visit for weeks on end. But they help a lot. As in most of the cooking, laundry, and dishes. They want to chill by themselves at the end of the day. My in laws are the opposite. They don’t do much and they want to hang out. When you have young kids, you really don’t have the bandwidth for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

OK B&omer!

I'm not a Boomer. But I do have close relationships with the Boomers in my family, which I guess you wouldn't understand.

Well aren't you clever with a response like that. Rubber and glue, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Introverted DIL here- the holidays are stressful and hard and even with the most "helpful" of visitors, they are still visitors, still in my space, and still making me feel like I need to be "ON" - for example making you coffee, etc. I am guessing she was over the visit and for a Christmas visit I would never arrive before the 23rd/24th and would be out of there the 26th at the latest. It seems like a long visit. Even when we visit ILs, we always stay at a hotel or Air B&B so we have our own space.

[Anonymous]

Update Op?

Is your DIL newly pregnant by chance (and not ready to announce it)? She could've started feeling the notorious fatigue, bloating, blech feeling of early pregnancy. Compounded with the (overwhelming) holiday hoopla and hosting inlaws can make anyone a bit tapped out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guests who stay more than 3nights do so at their own peril.

You are overstaying your welcome. No one can be on their best behavior forever.

I'm having this embroidered on a throw pillow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I feel sad reading these messages. Family should only visit for three days? I have a 10-year-old, and when I think that down the road I should only visit for three days at a time, I feel sad. My in-laws have stayed with us for a week, a couple weeks, even a couple months. Sure it can be a strain, but we should figure out ways to make longer visits than 3 days possible.

OP, it does sound like your DIL may be feeling spent from the holidays. That’s not anything to do specifically with you.

Remember DCUM is full of miserable people who largely hate their families. It's good for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. These are not the people to model.

Nope. I have an incredibly close immediate and extended family. A lot of that is because people aren’t afraid to voice they’ve had enough. Everyone reads clues well also. Nobody imposes. We genuinely love each other’s company. However, guests underfoot for longer than a long weekend —ugh.

OP's DIL is being a petulant drama queen. Of course having guests for long periods of time is not always easy, but there are also a lot of benefits and sometimes you don't always get what you want, even the entitled DILs of DCUM. Sometimes, acting like an adult is required in life and frankly makes life better. I really love my ILs, and yes, long visits aren't always easy, but the benefits are worth the minor inconvenience.

I am always shocked at just how strained and distant families on DCUM are. No guests for longer than a weekend? How do you keep close to distant relatives who want to visit, and who might not be able to afford hotel rooms? I genuinely don't think people on DCUM understand how to have close family relationships. It's certainly nothing to model or aspire to.

What? Where do you see anything about what the DIL is doing, other than encouraging her ILs to help themselves and retiring to her room in the evening when the children do? That sounds very gracious to me.

OP said she's being cold and will barely talk to her. That's petulant and rude.

Gee, you think maybe that’s in reaction to OP being overbearing and annoying?

Perhaps it is. But regardless, it's still petulant and rude behavior from a host. And honestly, I haven't read too much from OP that makes me think she's being a bad guest; after all, she was invited to stay, and she's offering to help. What I see here is a sulky, whiny DIL who is being rude.

So basically Op is being rude when she is not actively doting on her in-laws. Gotcha. Hotel for you pp. You are not the wonderful guest that you seem to think that you are.

If you can't tell the difference between being cold, rude, and petulant (which is what OP described), and graciously retiring from hosting to a bedroom for alone time (which is not what OP described), you are obviously one of the socially stunted women with miserable families that haunt this site. I mean, whatever, continue in your strained, distant family life. Family life on this website is such a trainwreck.

I’m so tired of geriatric tantrums.

Grandma is seriously throwing a fit because her DIL told her to help herself after waiting on her for several days? (Including Christmas Eve and Christmas!!!) Cone on! Do old people really feel they are entitled to be waited on forever? All this because DIL said “help yourself!” instead of plating your breakfast like you were a toddler?

Take all the age-related references in your post and replace them with "female" or "black" or a specific religion, and then read it out loud in public. If you can't do it, then you may understand why their are laws about age discrimination. You are a bigot with obvious hatred towards people who happen to be old.

You have it backwards. I have no patience for adult tantrums.

If the people throwing tantrums are old, their age is not going to make me feel more inclined to be accommodating of obnoxious behavior. You don’t get a pass on being a decent person because you’re old. And that is not discrimination - just the opposite actually. You also don’t get to abuse your family members just because you’re old.

Enough with the entitlement!