I can tell DIL is over our visit, and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Are you there for the entire length of time they are off work? It can feel like there is no vacation or down time that way, if you have guests for the entire stretch.

[Anonymous]

How long did you like having in laws in your house when your kids were young? What would you have wanted?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is gone folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you there for the entire length of time they are off work? It can feel like there is no vacation or down time that way, if you have guests for the entire stretch.

This. I didn’t allow my in laws to come this year because they want to come for every school break and I never feel like I get to recharge and have time “off”. I’m also an introvert and having people in my space all the time is exhausting for me. 8 days would be unbearable. The first night in laws are here I can come down and socialize at night, but after that I need that time to rest and recharge.

My MIL is also one of those people who talks all.the.time and I can’t even sit and read a book quietly downstairs without her trying to talk to me while I’m trying to read. So I go upstairs to my room for true quiet.

Give her some space, please.

[Anonymous]

8 days is a very long visit, even if the host likes the visitors. Dont act offended but try to get out of the house for at least a few hours a day. Ask your son if it would be helpful for you guys to babysit while they go out or take the kids with you when you go out or just go alone. Next time don’t stay eight days. Stay more like three or four.

[Anonymous]

She needs space. It may not be personal. I agree with planning your own activities to give them large breaks. Also, offer to watch the kids while they go on a date. I would not ask your son if you offended her, but do tell your son and her what a fabulous job she has done and continue to be gracious. Fish and guests start to stink after a few days in most cases. Next time, don't stay as long or insist on a hotel.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp’s. 8 days is a really long time to be a houseguest, she’s tired from entertaining 16 hours a day for five days straight, and just wants a little downtime to herself here and there rather than having to be “on” all the time. You also don’t sound like you’re an easy house guest with your complaints about her taking some alone time after the kids go to bed and not doting on you every morning. Plan some activities for you and your spouse to get out of the house for a few hours to give her a break.

[Anonymous]

OP, yours is a long visit at a busy time of the year - I think most people crave a little downtime right after a big holiday. It sounds like your DIL has invited you to make yourself at home several days into your visit and you’d prefer to still be hosted. I like the advice of PPs suggesting you find an outing you like for yourself. I know I’d welcome more and longer visits from my own mom if she were interested in entertaining herself a bit.

[Anonymous]

In addition to getting out of the house, you need to be more self-sufficient and be fine with the fact that the initial few days of being a hostess to you are over. If you don't understand or get offended over this, future visits are going to become a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is an introvert who just needs some time to herself.

Could be this. I am an introvert. I genuinely like and love my mother in law. She has been here these past 4 days in a row while I am hosting other people as well and I am just done. I went and read upstairs for an hour while she and my guests chatted. I consider that necessary self-care. I'm not mad at her, I just need a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are visiting my son/DIL and grandkids for the holidays. We arrived on the 22 and are set to leave Monday morning.

In many ways, it's been a very nice visit. Christmas itself was wonderful. Good time with the grandkids, and my son and his wife have cooked, cleaned, and been gracious in many ways. I would like to think that DH and I have been helpful, too. We've played with the kids, and offered to bring/make/buy food. We've offered to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, anything that would be helpful.

DIL for the past day or two has seemed distrant and increasingly irritated. I can't seem to do anything right with offers to help. Instead of coming downstairs after the kids are in bed like she did the first few nights, she now just hides. She made coffee and doted on us the first few days, and now is very "help yourself," which is fine, but I don't understand why she has to be cold and distant.

I honestly don't know what to do. We're not scheduled to leave yet, and I don't want to miss time with the grandkids.

That's the issue, right there. You have been there too many days. Leave that woman's house today and don't return until dinner time and bring dinner with you when you come (after a message to your SON about what to bring).

[Anonymous]

She's TIRED. Even the most helpful house guests wear on you after 5 solid days, which included Xmas.

One thing I'd love is if my MIL or FIL genuinely told me how much they enjoyed themselves. Maybe over breakfast, just say "you know Nancy, I know it's not easy to have house guests this long, but I have really had a lovely time. I just wanted to let you know how much we both appreciate the time with everyone, it's been a wonderful holiday".

[Anonymous]

House guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:House guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

I was just going to post the same thing. Benjamin Franklin was a wise man, and this quote from him is spot-on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is gone folks.

Hopefully because she gathered up the kids and rushed off to a roller skating rink!