How to get over wedding chip on my shoulder?

[Anonymous]

Not even sure what to title this.

I was married 10 years ago at 23. Dh and I had dated for 5 years and had a lovely wedding that cost us 45k in DC. We skimped on a lot for ourselves but went all out on food, alcohol and venue for our 200 guests (mostly close family). I think no one expected it to be a nice wedding. No one helped us plan, no one threw us a shower, no one came wedding dress shopping. Dhs parents ended up paying for the rehearsal dinner but we didn’t know that beforehand so it was only $200 for pizzas in our house (we planned what we could afford and I couldn’t afford 2k for maggianos). My parents gave us 15k afterwards which we were so grateful for. But my parents have told everyone over and over they paid for my entire wedding. I feel like every time they say that it diminishes the 30k of my own money that I paid while eating ramen for years.

I have since thrown 4 showers for our siblings and cousins and have been to at least 9 family weddings.. My mom is nagging me to throw another shower for a cousin getting married this year. I’m just so annoyed at it all. My MIL has been spending all her weekends helping a different cousin with her wedding crafts. MIL makes elaborate grooms cakes for all her family’s weddings. They completely paid for their daughters weddings and threw them showers.

I just feel such a chip on my shoulder and I hate that I feel this way. I can’t seem to get over it though. I loved my wedding but I felt a bit abandoned by our families beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Does she maybe think 15k was more than enough for the wedding? Sometimes older people truly have no idea how much things costs. My mom can be like this. She will honestly and truly want to "cover the girls easter dresses" and then give me 60 dollars for 4 kids. She doesn't mean to undercharge and I wouldn't dare say anything but Thank you so much because I want her to feel that the dresses are from her and I also want her to feel proud and not embarrassed or she needs to give me more money.

[Anonymous]

Stop throwing showers for family members. It’s tacky.

[Anonymous]

Paying that much was your decision. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying that much was your decision. Own it.

Op here. It’s not about the money at all.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. A $45K wedding is very grand so I'm not sure what you skipped on. We had a few thousand dollar wedding.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. My dad thinks he paid for my 2017 wedding. He gave us $5K. Wedding cost $22K. It’s hard to keep my mouth shut.

But I realize that drinking too much wine and then telling him exactly who paid for the wedding is not going to be a good look.

[Anonymous]

Don’t agree to throw any more showers unless you want to do it. I think it would make you feel better if you told your mom that while your very much appreciate her giving you $15k, she didn’t pay for your whole wedding because you spent $45k. It will probably blow her mind though and she may lecture on spending that much.

[Anonymous]

Old people say weird things. Just ignore

My mom the other day said they paid $100k for our wedding. They did not. Think it was $60k.

[Anonymous]

Wait, you saved up $30K as a 23 year old? Did I read that right? And you got no help from your family? We’re you living at home? Did you go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not even sure what to title this.

I was married 10 years ago at 23. Dh and I had dated for 5 years and had a lovely wedding that cost us 45k in DC. We skimped on a lot for ourselves but went all out on food, alcohol and venue for our 200 guests (mostly close family). I think no one expected it to be a nice wedding. No one helped us plan, no one threw us a shower, no one came wedding dress shopping. Dhs parents ended up paying for the rehearsal dinner but we didn’t know that beforehand so it was only $200 for pizzas in our house (we planned what we could afford and I couldn’t afford 2k for maggianos). My parents gave us 15k afterwards which we were so grateful for. But my parents have told everyone over and over they paid for my entire wedding. I feel like every time they say that it diminishes the 30k of my own money that I paid while eating ramen for years.

I have since thrown 4 showers for our siblings and cousins and have been to at least 9 family weddings.. My mom is nagging me to throw another shower for a cousin getting married this year. I’m just so annoyed at it all. My MIL has been spending all her weekends helping a different cousin with her wedding crafts. MIL makes elaborate grooms cakes for all her family’s weddings. They completely paid for their daughters weddings and threw them showers.

I just feel such a chip on my shoulder and I hate that I feel this way. I can’t seem to get over it though. I loved my wedding but I felt a bit abandoned by our families beforehand.

Stop doing this stuff!! No one is making you. You’re a grown woman. Just say no!

[Anonymous]

Just say no to hosting you don’t want to do. Don’t worry about mom’s pressure or judginess. It’s annoying that she claims to have paid for your wedding. You can ask her why she says that if you want, acknowledging that they made a significant and much-appreciated contribution to you wedding, but that you also shouldered the bulk of it.

[Anonymous]

Your mother probably thought the $15,000 covered it. It’s been ten years and you need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying that much was your decision. Own it.

OP does own it. Her parents on the other hand don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother probably thought the $15,000 covered it. It’s been ten years and you need to get over it.

+1. Why are you still thinking about your wedding a decade later.