How to get over wedding chip on my shoulder?
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Anonymous
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I sort of think the prior wedding stuff is irrelevant but I think the shower stuff is relevant.
I think you probably should throw showers for your siblings regardless of what they did for you. Re: your cousins, I think that’s up to you. If you want to do - do it. If you don’t, say you can’t or you can do XYZ (whatever you are willing time or money wise). It seems like you may be the oldest (yes or no?) so it’s not exactly the same thing if they didn’t throw you a shower 10 years at age 15 or whatever? I also agree with 12:19. |
Anonymous
Yes to this. You were too young when you got married. Your friends and cousins were all young and either didn’t know or didn’t have any money at 23 or under to plan and finance parties for you. Same with you having kids. You were probably the first to have kids too. You can’t expect a lot from friends of family in the under 23 crowd. And your mom probably didn’t realize you blew 45k on the wedding and thought she was paying or mostly at least. |
Anonymous
I know you're trying to suggest this would be tacky, but I think it's MORE tacky to waste money that should be going for 529s or a downpayment on a party. The US middle class needs to wake up -- if we're going to let ourselves be overwhelmed by debt, then we have to stop doing dumb sh*t like throwing away money on parties. |
Anonymous
(Also - a wedding with my closest friends, an awesome playlist, great cheese, and top-flight liquor actually sounds perfect!) |
Anonymous
I think what's really tacky is having opinions on how other people spend their money. YMMV |
Anonymous
DP, but this is an ironic statement, considering the point of the thread OP is mostly p*ssed that her parents only paid for 1/3 of her lavish wedding, and not the whole kit and caboodle. |
Anonymous
| If it's any consolation, nobody cares who paid for your wedding, Op. |
Anonymous
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NP. I don't think I'd care (or at least make a fuss) if she thought she paid for it all with her check. However, if she said it over and over, especially to other people (in an attempt to make those people feel bad) then yeah, I'd have a big problem with that.
I'd actually approach the uncle yourself and say, "you know, mom doesn't know this and I didn't have the heart to tell her, but she actually only paid for about a third of my wedding. You should just contribute what you can to your child's wedding, I'm sure they'll be grateful for whatever you can contribute." or similar. Word may get around, or it may not. But at least you don't let her make others feel inferior with the misinformation. |
Anonymous
| I would let them say it and let others believe it. Much better than having people know you were dumb enough to waste 45k on a wedding. |
Anonymous
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A few things here:
1. It’s your fault you spend 45k on a wedding. It’s nobody’s problem but your own. 2. Stop throwing showers. This again is your fault and no one made you do it. |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes we were young getting married. But we actually needed a spatula versus siblings who married in their 30s (not that need makes a difference). We were not the youngest in our families. We had our kids at 31 and 33. Plenty had babies before us. |
Anonymous
Op here. That wasn’t the point of my thread. But it would have been nice if my in-laws covered their own plate at their sons wedding. |
Anonymous
| Get over it and move on. 45,000 for a wedding is nuts. |
Anonymous
I guarantee the vast majority of weddings you’ve been to cost that much. Unless they elope or only invite 50 people. |
Anonymous
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Op, you seriously need to examine why you’re still bitter and seething after a decade. That’s really sad.
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