husband called the cops - need divorce lawyer
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Long story short: My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive and has threatened physical violence. I've been trying to make it work because we have 2 small kids.
I've been waking up every time with our baby (now 10 months). Sunday night, i was up with him 5 times and was exhausted (I WOH). So the following morning (yesterday) I told my husband I needed help and that I expected him to feed the baby a bottle overnight. He's never fed the baby. He didn't say anything to that. I asked him to do this once previously, about a month ago when I was very sick, and he threatened violence. I told him that was unacceptable but... he still didn't feed the baby. I was too sick to fight with him over it. I fed the baby. Last night I left the formula and a bottle on the counter and I left the monitor on next to his bed (I sleep in a room with the baby, he sleeps downstairs so the baby doesn't bother him). I texted him that I was going to sleep and I thanked him in advance for helping me get a better night's sleep. He turned off the monitor and went to sleep. When the baby woke up, I brought him downstairs, woke up my husband and put the baby on the bed with him. I told him the baby needed a bottle. I went back upstairs. He brought baby back upstairs without feeding him, put him back in his crib. I brought baby back to him, said he needed to be fed. Husband again threatened violence, then called the cops, accused me of provoking him to violence and of trying to make him do something that would work against him in a custody battle (I wasn't - I just wanted him to feed baby so I could sleep). Cops came. It was crazy. I can't believe he would do something that would possibly get our kids taken away from us. He has been accusing me of manipulating him into doing something that would get him in trouble. He was very clear to the cops that he was the one to contact them, as if I were the wrongdoer in the situation, and very sure that he was extremely well-behaved in front of them. I have not yet contacted a lawyer. As I said, I've been trying to make this work. I just wanted him to feed baby a bottle so I could get a couple hours of sleep. But I think I'd better contact a lawyer now. Any lawyer recommendations? What else should I be doing? I'm in therapy. I've got some money. I have parents who can help. |
Anonymous
| Leave. Do not leave your baby with him. |
Anonymous
| So, he isn't threatening the kids with violence, if that makes any difference. It's unspecified but I think threats are against me and destruction of my stuff. |
Anonymous
|
Leave.
Also, he sounds like he's mentally ill. No sane person threatens violence, calls the cops, and then says "she provoked me into violence!" That's crazy talk of someone who is unwell. If he won't get treatment, you leave him. |
Anonymous
| What did the cops do? |
Anonymous
separated us, took our statements, told us to get marriage counseling. |
Anonymous
No that doesn't make a difference. You do not put a child in the hands of someone with anger issues. You are disregarding your baby's safety. |
Anonymous
| Well there is nothing to work out, contact a lawyer and follow their advice. I mean trading the child back and forth in the middle of the night like a hot potato sounds crazy. The whole thing sounds beyond repair. |
Anonymous
Oh I am so, so sorry for you. I dealt with someone like this. Please, please read this book immediately: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Please read it. Get it on your kindle app or whatever e program you use (don't get a hard copy for obvious reasons). Please buy it right now and read it. Praying for you and baby. |
Anonymous
| I agree with all those saying to leave. Your husband called the cops on you because you asked him to feed his baby. He is unstable. And no, it doesn't matter that he hasn't threatened physical violence against the baby; he refuses to feed him, which is neglect. Hopefully the police report clearly reflects what happened, so perhaps you could use that in a custody battle, if there is one. You need to make a safety plan and leave. |
Anonymous
No, it does not make a difference that he's "only" threatening you or your stuff. No, he is not mentally ill, he knows exactly what he's doing (note, he was very well behaved in front of the cops). Absolutely do NOT get marriage counseling - he will use that to find more of your buttons to control/abuse you more. Under no circumstances get marriage counseling. It will not work. Please buy and read the book I just mentioned above. It will be life-savingly enlightening. |
Anonymous
| Make an appointment with a lawyer today. You sound well setup to leave, but you want to make sure you can leave with the kids or get him out of the house. I'm divorced and strongly pro 50/50, but this doesn't sound like a safe situation in which to leave the kids with him. Even though he is clearly struggling, he may fight you for the kids. The police report will likely work in your favor. You may also want to get advice (maybe also advice on a good lawyer) from your local domestic violence org. Sorry this is happening, OP. |
Anonymous
No marriage counseling. Individual counseling for you to figure out why you’re with this man and how to navigate your future interactions with this crazy hostile man since for some reason you bore his children. It is time for you to leave. |
Anonymous
| Get out. Get a lawyer, and frankly, I'd see if you could get him to relinquish his parental rights. |
Anonymous
He will never do that. The baby is way to good of a tool to manipulate/abuse her. We can see that just from his actions. |