husband called the cops - need divorce lawyer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May I gently ask something that people will surely jump all over me for and say it’s not relevant? Why is your 10 month old baby waking up so many times during the night? I mean yes he sounds psychotic and like a flight risk - BUT. Is it possible that he is having a hard time understanding why a 10 month old still needs to be fed during the night and is taking it out on you?

Good point. The baby should be sleeping through the night without a bottle feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I gently ask something that people will surely jump all over me for and say it’s not relevant? Why is your 10 month old baby waking up so many times during the night? I mean yes he sounds psychotic and like a flight risk - BUT. Is it possible that he is having a hard time understanding why a 10 month old still needs to be fed during the night and is taking it out on you?

Good point. The baby should be sleeping through the night without a bottle feeding.

Honestly, I really hesitated before I wrote that because I don’t want to sound insensitive. But it jumped out at me. Maybe it’s just a lot of built up frustration all around. His behavior is not okay and he needs help, though.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Please, any lawyer recommendations would be helpful now.

I would love for my baby to be sleeping through the night. He doesn't usually wake up so many times, but he does usually wake twice. (I'm not sure what was going on the other night.) However, he is gaining weight very slowly and the pediatrician has advised us not to night wean him yet. He is sleep trained in that he goes to sleep fine, but is still waking to eat. He gets 3+ meals of solid food a day, and gets a bottle or nurses 5-6 days during the day time.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

My husband sleeps downstairs, so the baby doesn't wake him. I've been solely responsible for baby at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds psychotic. Leave him.

He's not psychotic. He knows what he's doing. He's a pretty classic abuser.

Exactly. Not sure why is everyone jumping to conclusion that this man is unstable. He was calm and dedicated to hurt OP and did some clean execution.
Another disturbing fact is that he's been thinking in legal terms for a while. My gut feeling is that he wants out and he knows this is the most delicate time in everyone's eyes, so it's in his best interest to present OP as unstable.
OP, is there a possibility he's cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the cops do?

separated us, took our statements, told us to get marriage counseling.

sounds like they did the right thing

[Anonymous]

What state/district are you in? Difficult to recommend lawyer without knowing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state/district are you in? Difficult to recommend lawyer without knowing that.

DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I gently ask something that people will surely jump all over me for and say it’s not relevant? Why is your 10 month old baby waking up so many times during the night? I mean yes he sounds psychotic and like a flight risk - BUT. Is it possible that he is having a hard time understanding why a 10 month old still needs to be fed during the night and is taking it out on you?

Good point. The baby should be sleeping through the night without a bottle feeding.

Honestly, I really hesitated before I wrote that because I don’t want to sound insensitive. But it jumped out at me. Maybe it’s just a lot of built up frustration all around. His behavior is not okay and he needs help, though.

She said in the original post that her husband has never fed the baby. It was a little unclear if that was at night or ever, but he's not been stepping up.

She said he sleeps downstairs so he's not bothered by the baby.

Please stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set up a private email. Clear your phone regularly. Go see a lawyer and pay the lawyer in a way that he won't be able to see. In other words - run this operation like it's matter of life and death. Gather information - the lawyer will tell you what you need. You're going to need to photocopy (or print out) things like bank records etc if you think he will try to hide assets. Rent a place and start furnishing it and making it a home, and do all the prep work involved to leave, so when it happens you can cleanly leave and move into a safe space.

Document, document, document. Meanwhile, do not provoke. Calmly and rationally send me emails (and print them out) that state the specifics of what happened, but leave details/emotions out. Suggest in writing counseling. In other words, on paper (and in real life!) be the reasonable one.

But most importantly see a lawyer (or two) and know your rights. Take no action until you know what your plan will be.

There is a yahoo group in this area called GoMomGo - it's a support group for women in divorce. Many. have bene in domestic violence situations. Apply to join and you will learn a lot from the other members.

This is fantastic advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know this isn’t the point, but it sounds like you knew he wasn’t going to feed the baby but assigned him this duty anyways.
In the time it took you to set up the monitor and formula, go get the baby, bring him downstairs, walk back upstairs, go get the baby again, bring him downstairs again... you could’ve just fed the baby.

BEFORE ANYONE yells at me— I’m NOT condoning DH’s behavior or saying this is even remotely OP’s fault. My point is that from now on, don’t do anything like that just, knowing how he is. Especially where last time you did this, he threatened violence.. and you did it again.

I agree with PP in that you need to start being smart.. he said made it clear he’s been thinking in legal terms for a while now. Could you set up cameras? Since he’s clearly trying to set you up.

[Anonymous]

No counseling will fix this. Go to your parents with the kids. Get a lawyer. If you think he would physically go after you at their house or at work go to a shelter until a restraining order is in place. OMG women get murdered by this type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, he isn't threatening the kids with violence, if that makes any difference. It's unspecified but I think threats are against me and destruction of my stuff.

No that doesn't make a difference. You do not put a child in the hands of someone with anger issues. You are disregarding your baby's safety.

+1

[Anonymous]

Might you both just be sleep deprived new parents? Sleep deprivation can make a typically sane person crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I gently ask something that people will surely jump all over me for and say it’s not relevant? Why is your 10 month old baby waking up so many times during the night? I mean yes he sounds psychotic and like a flight risk - BUT. Is it possible that he is having a hard time understanding why a 10 month old still needs to be fed during the night and is taking it out on you?

Good point. The baby should be sleeping through the night without a bottle feeding.

Honestly, I really hesitated before I wrote that because I don’t want to sound insensitive. But it jumped out at me. Maybe it’s just a lot of built up frustration all around. His behavior is not okay and he needs help, though.

Not everyone is blessed with good sleepers. And clearly there is a lot of stress in the home. I don't think this should be the primary issue the OP is concerned with. She needs to get herself and get children into a safe and stable environment. Them deal with the more mundane sleep issues.