ILs canceled family vacation…and blame me (who had zero to do with it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a dummy would text a response, which MIL could forward to other relatives or anyone at all. A person of normal intelligence would pick up the phone and express dismay about the confusion and then clear it up.

Nope! Clearly MIL is manipulative and can’t be trusted. Written records. Phone calls can be lied about. Text messages are evidence.

MIL tried to cross me once and I emailed the truth to the entire family email chain to clear up the “confusion” over a holiday situation. MIL never tried anything underhanded with me again. Bullies are usually cowards who back down when someone actually stands up to them.

[Anonymous]

Respond Simply.
"At no time did I suggest the vacation be cancelled.
and cc your DH and FIL, so that it is clear to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We were actually looking forward to it and merely wondering if anyone was going to have an issue with our unvaccinated kids. I hope it wasn't convoluted that we had an objection or worse yet, that that's what caused the organizers to cancel."

Convoluted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

Yeah, OP.

"We" from a man to his family = "My wife" . "We" from a woman to her family = "My husband"

You don't say "we want to know"

This is what your DH should have said "Hey dad, is it possible to get a sense of how many people are vaccinated/unvaccinated? I think it's a good idea to plan accordingly, bla bla bla".

I’m sorry you think and live this way. Some of us are rational and have functioning families.

When my brother says “we,” I know he means him and his wife. When THEY decided not to travel for my cousin’s wedding earlier in the spring, no one in my family laid that decision at the feet of his wife. And no one resented their decision.

When my mom says “we,” I know she’s telling me about a decision or an idea that she has discussed with my father. So I know whatever is being discussed now is something that my mom and dad are on the same page about.

When my husband says “I,” he means “I.” When my husband says “we,” he means him and me.

I recognize that many of you come from dysfunctional families full of pettiness, wife-blaming, misogynistic expectations, and passive aggressive behavior. I get that shapes your worldview, but do speak for yourself.

If you are OP, how is that working for you?

It is interesting that you think using "I" instead of "we" is misogynistic. The same concept applies when a wife says "we" instead of I to her family.

Your family is so "rational and functional" that you had to tell your DH to ask a question on your behalf. If you had asked your FIL by yourself, perhaps you could have conveyed what you meant instead of your DH butchering your intention.

Grow some wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

Yeah, OP.

"We" from a man to his family = "My wife" . "We" from a woman to her family = "My husband"

You don't say "we want to know"

This is what your DH should have said "Hey dad, is it possible to get a sense of how many people are vaccinated/unvaccinated? I think it's a good idea to plan accordingly, bla bla bla".

I’m sorry you think and live this way. Some of us are rational and have functioning families.

When my brother says “we,” I know he means him and his wife. When THEY decided not to travel for my cousin’s wedding earlier in the spring, no one in my family laid that decision at the feet of his wife. And no one resented their decision.

When my mom says “we,” I know she’s telling me about a decision or an idea that she has discussed with my father. So I know whatever is being discussed now is something that my mom and dad are on the same page about.

When my husband says “I,” he means “I.” When my husband says “we,” he means him and me.

I recognize that many of you come from dysfunctional families full of pettiness, wife-blaming, misogynistic expectations, and passive aggressive behavior. I get that shapes your worldview, but do speak for yourself.

If you are OP, how is that working for you?

It is interesting that you think using "I" instead of "we" is misogynistic. The same concept applies when a wife says "we" instead of I to her family.

Your family is so "rational and functional" that you had to tell your DH to ask a question on your behalf. If you had asked your FIL by yourself, perhaps you could have conveyed what you meant instead of your DH butchering your intention.

Grow some wisdom.

I’m not OP. I didn’t tell my DH to ask a question for me. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Black hole this message. It will make her nuts.

+1 I learned this from a friend. Not every communication deserves a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

[Anonymous]

OP, you do not respond to crazy.

[Anonymous]

And OP ask yourself ... WHY to you care what "crazy" thinks of you?? caring, at all, is not really a good look for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

NP. Are you always this ham-fisted? There’s a lot of room and nuance between “DH asked his dad to make some inquiries on vaccine status after he and DH and OP decided they needed the information” and “DH said something stupid to his mother about OP ***DEMANDING*** vaccinations [sic] stats.” Where did you get “demanding”?

What’s wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

NP. Are you always this ham-fisted? There’s a lot of room and nuance between “DH asked his dad to make some inquiries on vaccine status after he and DH and OP decided they needed the information” and “DH said something stupid to his mother about OP ***DEMANDING*** vaccinations [sic] stats.” Where did you get “demanding”?

What’s wrong with you?

I get it from MIL's response.

What's wrong with you that you cannot make logical conclusions? Why would you rather think that her MIL is crazy? I am glad that you used the bolded. If not communicated properly, that "needed" that you used sounds a lot like a demand.

It is almost certain that her DH was not very interested in the vaccine stats, and he made it known (unintentionally/intentionally-doesn't really matter) to FIL that it was his wife who was inquiring(or in your own words, "needed") and that he did not really care. FIL then told MIL.

Put on your thinking cap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

NP. Are you always this ham-fisted? There’s a lot of room and nuance between “DH asked his dad to make some inquiries on vaccine status after he and DH and OP decided they needed the information” and “DH said something stupid to his mother about OP ***DEMANDING*** vaccinations [sic] stats.” Where did you get “demanding”?

What’s wrong with you?

I get it from MIL's response.

What's wrong with you that you cannot make logical conclusions? Why would you rather think that her MIL is crazy? I am glad that you used the bolded. If not communicated properly, that "needed" that you used sounds a lot like a demand.

It is almost certain that her DH was not very interested in the vaccine stats, and he made it known (unintentionally/intentionally-doesn't really matter) to FIL that it was his wife who was inquiring(or in your own words, "needed") and that he did not really care. FIL then told MIL.

Put on your thinking cap!

How about this for a "thinking cap": if someone invited you to go to their beach house, wouldn't you "need to know" the address? If they invited you to dinner, wouldn't you "need to know" the name of the restaurant? If your kid's friend invited them to a sleepover, wouldn't you "need to know" a bit about the family?

Yes, when making plans during a pandemic, vaccination status of the people involved is, indeed, a need to know in order to make an informed decision about whether my unvaccinated kids can participate.

You have a good day, now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

NP. Are you always this ham-fisted? There’s a lot of room and nuance between “DH asked his dad to make some inquiries on vaccine status after he and DH and OP decided they needed the information” and “DH said something stupid to his mother about OP ***DEMANDING*** vaccinations [sic] stats.” Where did you get “demanding”?

What’s wrong with you?

I get it from MIL's response.

What's wrong with you that you cannot make logical conclusions? Why would you rather think that her MIL is crazy? I am glad that you used the bolded. If not communicated properly, that "needed" that you used sounds a lot like a demand.

It is almost certain that her DH was not very interested in the vaccine stats, and he made it known (unintentionally/intentionally-doesn't really matter) to FIL that it was his wife who was inquiring(or in your own words, "needed") and that he did not really care. FIL then told MIL.

Put on your thinking cap!

How about this for a "thinking cap": if someone invited you to go to their beach house, wouldn't you "need to know" the address? If they invited you to dinner, wouldn't you "need to know" the name of the restaurant? If your kid's friend invited them to a sleepover, wouldn't you "need to know" a bit about the family?

Yes, when making plans during a pandemic, vaccination status of the people involved is, indeed, a need to know in order to make an informed decision about whether my unvaccinated kids can participate.

You have a good day, now.

Oh I agree with you. I would definitely want to make an informed decision about whether my unvaccinated kids can participate.

However, I hope that my DH would be able to communicate our needs properly. Unfortunately for OP, hers did a terrible job at communicatiing their family's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

Why are you making sh!t up? Find something better to do with your time.

So you believe OP's MIL just picked OP's name out of her magic hat, don't you?

NP. Are you always this ham-fisted? There’s a lot of room and nuance between “DH asked his dad to make some inquiries on vaccine status after he and DH and OP decided they needed the information” and “DH said something stupid to his mother about OP ***DEMANDING*** vaccinations [sic] stats.” Where did you get “demanding”?

What’s wrong with you?

I get it from MIL's response.

What's wrong with you that you cannot make logical conclusions? Why would you rather think that her MIL is crazy? I am glad that you used the bolded. If not communicated properly, that "needed" that you used sounds a lot like a demand.

It is almost certain that her DH was not very interested in the vaccine stats, and he made it known (unintentionally/intentionally-doesn't really matter) to FIL that it was his wife who was inquiring(or in your own words, "needed") and that he did not really care. FIL then told MIL.

Put on your thinking cap!

How about this for a "thinking cap": if someone invited you to go to their beach house, wouldn't you "need to know" the address? If they invited you to dinner, wouldn't you "need to know" the name of the restaurant? If your kid's friend invited them to a sleepover, wouldn't you "need to know" a bit about the family?

Yes, when making plans during a pandemic, vaccination status of the people involved is, indeed, a need to know in order to make an informed decision about whether my unvaccinated kids can participate.

You have a good day, now.

Oh I agree with you. I would definitely want to make an informed decision about whether my unvaccinated kids can participate.

However, I hope that my DH would be able to communicate our needs properly. Unfortunately for OP, hers did a terrible job at communicatiing their family's needs.

Beautiful backtrack.