ILs canceled family vacation…and blame me (who had zero to do with it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Have any of you geniuses figured out yet that the FIL could have misrepresented the DH's conversation to his wife and that perhaps the FIL actually wanted to cancel himself?

Of course, a possibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

+1. Also, does she plan to tell the rest of the family that it was her own idea to cancel?

[Anonymous]

So... Wait. Who cancelled the trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... Wait. Who cancelled the trip?

Obviously OP did

She was just sneaky about it

[Anonymous]

I would have responded “Hi Karon. I think you meant to send this to someone else? I didn’t say anything about cancelling the trip. Bummer though!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL was not on board with just your husband going if unvaccinated relatives were going. She wanted to recreate the reunions of past years and was hoping no one would bring up the pandemic or who was vaccinated. She blamed you because your her DIL not her child. And she assumes that the woman is the primary decision maker in terms of the kids. In her mind, if you didn’t think others being vaccinated was important to your unvaccinated kids then your husband would go along. She’s selfish and wants her reunion that she imagines over the well being of any of the under 12 year olds.

Your FIL probably made some calls and some of your relatives are unvaccinated. Others with kids then decided not to attend. The unvaccinated jerks probably got mad because someone questioned their selfishness. FIL and other organizers did not want to bear the expense if the only people showing up weren’t the ones they wanted to see.

I agree with the blo hole response. Your MIL is not worth the effort.

1+. This is what happened.

Yes yourmil made a lot of assumptions and was quick to scapegoat you...it was unkind and untrue I think your husband can tell her that. My mother in law and me are close enough, but she did this kind of stuff early in the marriage. I picked my battles, during one period where my husband's old phone was down she called mine and after hearing my recording just started addressing my husband on the message "hi John, it's mom". I told him, hey I don't want to make a big deal of it but your mom did not even address me on my own phone line". I thought he would defend or minimize....for whatever reason, he was really pissed. It really bothered him and he told her. This should bother your husband. It was rude and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

She's a pia

[Anonymous]

"We were actually looking forward to it and merely wondering if anyone was going to have an issue with our unvaccinated kids. I hope it wasn't convoluted that we had an objection or worse yet, that that's what caused the organizers to cancel."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... Wait. Who cancelled the trip?

OP here. FIL and two of his cousins are the longstanding organizers of the trip. It’s the same two beach houses, every year, multiple family units. So they book the houses, gather deposits and eventually full payments from the participants, assign food, assign rooms, etc. FIL and his two cousins wrote the email to everyone announcing that they had decided to cancel because they didn’t want to put unvaccinated kids and immunocompromised adults at risk. (Several older adults who have cancer, diabetes, obesity, etc. involved).

[Anonymous]

So your DH told his family that you were the one interested in vaccine stats. Your Dh needs to learn how to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just heard from MIL, via text to me/DH and my FIL:

"OK"

Hahahaha, that's it! Wow.

Well done Op.

DH should respond, “Actually, it’s not OK that you falsely accused my wife of something she had nothing to do with.”

Some of you DCUM posters seem to thrive on being confrontational. Op knows she has a MiL problem but at least she doesn’t have a DH problem. Just let it go.

What are you talking about? OP has a DH problem, not a mother in law problem. DH said something stupid to his mother about OP demanding vaccinations stats. It's obvious that he did. He shouldn't have. He should have asked as if he was the one inquiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So... Wait. Who cancelled the trip?

OP here. FIL and two of his cousins are the longstanding organizers of the trip. It’s the same two beach houses, every year, multiple family units. So they book the houses, gather deposits and eventually full payments from the participants, assign food, assign rooms, etc. FIL and his two cousins wrote the email to everyone announcing that they had decided to cancel because they didn’t want to put unvaccinated kids and immunocompromised adults at risk. (Several older adults who have cancer, diabetes, obesity, etc. involved).

They sensed it could be a divisive sh#tshow and pulled the plug. I think it showed good judgment actually. There will be other summers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

Yeah, OP.

"We" from a man to his family = "My wife" . "We" from a woman to her family = "My husband"

You don't say "we want to know"

This is what your DH should have said "Hey dad, is it possible to get a sense of how many people are vaccinated/unvaccinated? I think it's a good idea to plan accordingly, bla bla bla".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

Yeah, OP.

"We" from a man to his family = "My wife" . "We" from a woman to her family = "My husband"

You don't say "we want to know"

This is what your DH should have said "Hey dad, is it possible to get a sense of how many people are vaccinated/unvaccinated? I think it's a good idea to plan accordingly, bla bla bla".

I’m sorry you think and live this way. Some of us are rational and have functioning families.

When my brother says “we,” I know he means him and his wife. When THEY decided not to travel for my cousin’s wedding earlier in the spring, no one in my family laid that decision at the feet of his wife. And no one resented their decision.

When my mom says “we,” I know she’s telling me about a decision or an idea that she has discussed with my father. So I know whatever is being discussed now is something that my mom and dad are on the same page about.

When my husband says “I,” he means “I.” When my husband says “we,” he means him and me.

I recognize that many of you come from dysfunctional families full of pettiness, wife-blaming, misogynistic expectations, and passive aggressive behavior. I get that shapes your worldview, but do speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Only a dummy would text a response, which MIL could forward to other relatives or anyone at all. A person of normal intelligence would pick up the phone and express dismay about the confusion and then clear it up.