ILs canceled family vacation…and blame me (who had zero to do with it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[Copying your husband and your FIL]

“Hi Jane, I’d like to clear up some confusion. While I did ask Brian to talk to Carl and see if there was a way to get more information about how many adults on the trip would be unvaccinated, I did not ask for the trip to be canceled. Brian and I wanted this information so that we could make an informed decision about whether Brian alone should go, or if I should also attend with the kids.

I’m not sure where you got the impression that I ‘canceled the trip,’ or asked for it to be canceled. Hoping Carl can tell you more about how he, Betty and Jason came to this decision as the planners of this trip.”

Seriously. X1000 this.

+1

[Anonymous]

MIL was not on board with just your husband going if unvaccinated relatives were going. She wanted to recreate the reunions of past years and was hoping no one would bring up the pandemic or who was vaccinated. She blamed you because your her DIL not her child. And she assumes that the woman is the primary decision maker in terms of the kids. In her mind, if you didn’t think others being vaccinated was important to your unvaccinated kids then your husband would go along. She’s selfish and wants her reunion that she imagines over the well being of any of the under 12 year olds.

Your FIL probably made some calls and some of your relatives are unvaccinated. Others with kids then decided not to attend. The unvaccinated jerks probably got mad because someone questioned their selfishness. FIL and other organizers did not want to bear the expense if the only people showing up weren’t the ones they wanted to see.

I agree with the blo hole response. Your MIL is not worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forward the text to your DH, add your MIL to it and say, do you want to respond to your mother’s concerns?

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To keep the peace, just ignore the accusation, recognize she probably wrote in a moment of anger, and write back:
"I'm as disappointed as you that the event was so abruptly canceled. Certainly the organizers can understand that parents would want information before deciding whether it would be appropriate for kids too young to be vaccinated to attend, or if just adults should attend this year. Do you know who suggested the event be canceled?"

Perfectly stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would address this directly with the group email above. No one accuses me falsely.

+1. Yep. Try coming to me with false information and misplaced blame, and I’ll go ahead and set you straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[Copying your husband and your FIL]

“Hi Jane, I’d like to clear up some confusion. While I did ask Brian to talk to Carl and see if there was a way to get more information about how many adults on the trip would be unvaccinated, I did not ask for the trip to be canceled. Brian and I wanted this information so that we could make an informed decision about whether Brian alone should go, or if I should also attend with the kids.

I’m not sure where you got the impression that I ‘canceled the trip,’ or asked for it to be canceled. Hoping Carl can tell you more about how he, Betty and Jason came to this decision as the planners of this trip.”

Seriously. X1000 this.

Agree. This is well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Black hole this message. It will make her nuts.

+1
There seems to be nothing physically demanded of you. Go on with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black hole this message. It will make her nuts.

+1
There seems to be nothing physically demanded of you. Go on with life.

+2. If she brings it up in person or over the phone, you can defend yourself. But, yes, ignoring for now is probably best. She wants to work out her anger and frustration at the situation and use you to do it. Don't let her.

[Anonymous]

If one question was enough to make the trip collapse it would have collapsed anyway.

My relatives are like this too. They fantasize that they can have a break from the pandemic, and they feel entitled to the "golden years" experience and pretend away the risk.

[Anonymous]

I'm disappointed that you are so callous.

Your family is dumb as rocks not being vaccinated.

And no VACCINES are not "personal" that is ridiculous.

OP your post is silly. Either you support Science or you don't and if your DH family doesn't then why the H would you ever want them in your orbit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm disappointed that you are so callous.

Your family is dumb as rocks not being vaccinated.

And no VACCINES are not "personal" that is ridiculous.

OP your post is silly. Either you support Science or you don't and if your DH family doesn't then why the H would you ever want them in your orbit?

You are too dim to post.

[Anonymous]

I think I would just show the message to my husband and then ignore it. Maybe your MIL is a reasonable person who had a bad day, and you can just let this go. If not I’m sure you’ll get the chance to talk about it later. Your MIL knows you didn’t cancel the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL was not on board with just your husband going if unvaccinated relatives were going. She wanted to recreate the reunions of past years and was hoping no one would bring up the pandemic or who was vaccinated. She blamed you because your her DIL not her child. And she assumes that the woman is the primary decision maker in terms of the kids. In her mind, if you didn’t think others being vaccinated was important to your unvaccinated kids then your husband would go along. She’s selfish and wants her reunion that she imagines over the well being of any of the under 12 year olds.

Your FIL probably made some calls and some of your relatives are unvaccinated. Others with kids then decided not to attend. The unvaccinated jerks probably got mad because someone questioned their selfishness. FIL and other organizers did not want to bear the expense if the only people showing up weren’t the ones they wanted to see.

I agree with the blo hole response. Your MIL is not worth the effort.

Agree- this is what went through MIL’s head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just asked DH how he posed it to his dad. He said he absolutely agreed with me asking the question, and presented it as a united front that we (he and I) wanted the information. He said that in no way on his end did he make it seem like “Larla wants to know…”

So we’re thinking now that he is going to send a message to MIL and FIL and me, stating that I had nothing to do with the trip being canceled, and that if MIL wants to know more about how that decision came about, she can take it up with FIL and the other logistical leads.

Thank you all!

I hope you update with her reply!

Yes! Please keep us posted, OP!