If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

Yes invite ALL your sisters.

and No, you are not a babysitter, they can make normal arrangments for sitters via the resort. BFD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

I have brothers and would also not care. But I am also a woman and have female friend groups and the same basic principal applies. If 3/4 people in a friend group get together and don't even message the other one, that is mean. Brothers it is just different. I don't even have a sister but see this.

But she didn't say they'd all keep it a secret. OP can explain the feelings about what this sort of trip is....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

I have brothers and would also not care. But I am also a woman and have female friend groups and the same basic principal applies. If 3/4 people in a friend group get together and don't even message the other one, that is mean. Brothers it is just different. I don't even have a sister but see this.

But she didn't say they'd all keep it a secret. OP can explain the feelings about what this sort of trip is....

I am the PP. I have a set of four girlfriends and we've all been friends since we were 10. We don't see each other regularly, it is almost more like sisters at this point because even though we're all older and don't keep up all the time and drift in and out, we're all ride or die. No questions asked. Anyway, there is literally no explanation one of us could provide that would make sense that would include inviting three of us to something and not the fourth. It would be hurtful and exclusionary. Two of us, no problem, but three? There is no reason that would justify not even being invited. Secret, out in the open, it would be a snub, there is no other way to describe it. Also, "we just didn't want to hang out with your annoying kids" isn't actually an explanation that will make someone feel better BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

So if you and two of your brothers went on a family vacation and left one brother out, you don’t think that brother would care at all? I’m not sure I believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

So if you and two of your brothers went on a family vacation and left one brother out, you don’t think that brother would care at all? I’m not sure I believe that.

Ah yes, other brother pp here. I agree that this is another dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

So if you and two of your brothers went on a family vacation and left one brother out, you don’t think that brother would care at all? I’m not sure I believe that.

We are not close, so none of us would care if something occurred like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

So if you and two of your brothers went on a family vacation and left one brother out, you don’t think that brother would care at all? I’m not sure I believe that.

We are not close, so none of us would care if something occurred like this.

Well then with all due respect it sounds like you have no ground upon which to advise the OP who clearly is close with her sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you’re not my sister, and that you’re not my kids’ aunt.

Right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...

So if you and two of your brothers went on a family vacation and left one brother out, you don’t think that brother would care at all? I’m not sure I believe that.

We are not close, so none of us would care if something occurred like this.

Well then that is one glaring difference. If you are close to your siblings it is mean. If you are not or you are estranged from family it would, obviously, be a completely different situation.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP this sounds really mean. I’m sure you don’t intend to be but if I was the one sister left out it would be hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older sister and I are planning on taking our families skiing either this Christmas Break, or next if covid dictates that. The youngest kid will be 10 and all are competent skiers, so everyone is old enough for a fair amount of independence on and off the slopes.

We didn’t invite my younger sister, whose kids range from 0 to 10. We love her but little kids would just change the dynamic. I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . . Well traveling with little ones is just different. We’ve all been there.

But I also have a fourth sister, who is much younger and a newlywed with no kids. We are thinking of inviting them.

Would you be hurt if all your siblings went somewhere without you?

Bolded is, as they say, a you problem. Say to your sis "hey, going to a ski trip with the big kids...not sure if it will work for your littles and it's going to be loud hanging out at the house". That's it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would be hurt. I don't see why if she is invited, you have to babysit. Just don't volunteer for it or if it's an established practice, tell her you can't do it this time.

I also ask you this: when your kids were little, did she and others in your family change family vacation plans to accommodate the fact that you had little ones (choice of places or activities)? I see this dynamic in large families where everyone accommodates when the older kids' kids are born because -- yay, first grandkids! -- and fusses over the grandkids, and then by the time the younger kids have kids, it's all "your little kids are cramping our style!" and nobody cares about the later kids. A bit selfish if you ask me. If she accommodated your kids before, the least you can do is extend the invitation.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize. I have two sisters and wanted to vacation with just one sister and her family but invited the other as well to be polite. Waited until closer to the dates and hoped she would be busy but unfortunately, no. It seems like it should be reasonable not to have to do everything all together all the time (I don't live near either so only see them along with my parents 1-2 times a year). I'm much closer to one sister than the other (won't go into family history and dynamics).

[Anonymous]

Go with the one sister with older kids. If you invite the sister with no children too and I was the only one left out I would be incredibly hurt.

If all four of you go, I would look into a sitter service, so that someone else can babysit the younger kids. That is not your job and you need to be firm on that.

My vote would be to just go with the one sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would be hurt. I don't see why if she is invited, you have to babysit. Just don't volunteer for it or if it's an established practice, tell her you can't do it this time.

I also ask you this: when your kids were little, did she and others in your family change family vacation plans to accommodate the fact that you had little ones (choice of places or activities)? I see this dynamic in large families where everyone accommodates when the older kids' kids are born because -- yay, first grandkids! -- and fusses over the grandkids, and then by the time the younger kids have kids, it's all "your little kids are cramping our style!" and nobody cares about the later kids. A bit selfish if you ask me. If she accommodated your kids before, the least you can do is extend the invitation.

Yep. This. I’m the youngest and I am quite sure that her entire life OP has been the important oldest child that everything rotated around. her younger sibling had to deal with her young kids but now she doesn’t want to deal with hers!

Rent separate houses. Don’t offer to babysit.