If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

I also have 3 sisters. We have done trips with just two of us but we’d never exclude just one sister. That would feel terrible.

[Anonymous]

Just stick to the trip as planned with your oldest sister. It doesn’t sound like you want your sister with young kids there, which is fine, but by inviting your youngest sister you would be obviously and pointedly excluding her.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely hurtful OP. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older sister and I are planning on taking our families skiing either this Christmas Break, or next if covid dictates that. The youngest kid will be 10 and all are competent skiers, so everyone is old enough for a fair amount of independence on and off the slopes.

We didn’t invite my younger sister, whose kids range from 0 to 10. We love her but little kids would just change the dynamic. I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . . Well traveling with little ones is just different. We’ve all been there.

But I also have a fourth sister, who is much younger and a newlywed with no kids. We are thinking of inviting them.

Would you be hurt if all your siblings went somewhere without you?

If I was not invited, of course I would be hurt. How could I not be. Exclusion is a type of bullying.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I’m surprised you even have to ask, OP. We taught our kids by kindergarten that you invite less than half the class or all the class. Same principle applies here - inviting all but one sibling would be cruel and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

All for One and One for All in this scenario

[Anonymous]

Agree with everyone. There are solutions to the little kid probelms, and the excluded sister will know that so this is really hurtful.

2/4 sisters on a trip is better, but 3/4 is horrible.

[Anonymous]

So it looks like there is a rare consensus on this thread, OP. Hopefully you move forward with planning accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. but also make it clear that there is no child care. "hey, we are taking this trip and would love for you to go, but I understand that it might suck with having to be back at the cabin with the baby the whole time"

this. Altho personally I would be ok offering to take the baby and do something different for one day. It is your niece/nephew.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh yes of course I would be hurt. I am surprised you would even consider this. Two of you still may have some minor hurt feelings but is more understandable but 3 and not the fourth, in my opinion that’s pretty unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. but also make it clear that there is no child care. "hey, we are taking this trip and would love for you to go, but I understand that it might suck with having to be back at the cabin with the baby the whole time"

+1

She can decline, but not being invited would be awful. Or maybe she and her spouse will agree to trade off kid duties during the day and enjoy having dinner with everyone. You can also make some accommodations to be sure they are included without giving up your skiing.

Yep. This is the solution. I have this dynamic going on right now in my family, and I hate it. But there's not getting around it.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would be hurt! Why would you take your sister’s kids? She can stay with them, hire a nanny, or put them in ski school. They are her kids.

She should be invited - but realize she may not be able to go to dinner if she is putting the baby to bed or she may not be able to hang with the adults who have kids who can ski alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . .

OP is this an issue that your sister could solve by spending some money? A bigger rental house so sound is less of an issue. Hiring ski instructors to help with the kids on the bunny slope. Prepared food so that the family can get dinner on the table easily despite having toddlers to chase around. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you trying to ruin relationships, on maintain them? That will affect my answer to you.

+1

Kind of sh*tty, OP. DH employed his brother, and the brother went on a trip without DH - the entire family (lots of siblings and their families) were going to the beach and booked an extra week without DH. Truth be told, the job that DH gives his brother paid for part of the trip - so yeah, talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. DH never did anything to his brother, his brother was just being an arse, as usual. Anyway, DH never forgot that, it hurt, even though he never said anything to the brother, he never thought of the brother the same way again. DH's family has a tendency to do that, because the genders tend to team up, but it really hurts DH much more than they know or care to know. They come up with lame excuses, but c'mon.

Don't be rude. If they say no, fine, but at least invite them and share you plans with them, and don't act like you don't want them to join you. That would be pretty awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . .

OP is this an issue that your sister could solve by spending some money? A bigger rental house so sound is less of an issue. Hiring ski instructors to help with the kids on the bunny slope. Prepared food so that the family can get dinner on the table easily despite having toddlers to chase around. Etc.

OP, stop making excuses. Just ask them. If they say no, fine - but not asking them is downright hurtful.