If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

My older sister and I are planning on taking our families skiing either this Christmas Break, or next if covid dictates that. The youngest kid will be 10 and all are competent skiers, so everyone is old enough for a fair amount of independence on and off the slopes.

We didn’t invite my younger sister, whose kids range from 0 to 10. We love her but little kids would just change the dynamic. I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . . Well traveling with little ones is just different. We’ve all been there.

But I also have a fourth sister, who is much younger and a newlywed with no kids. We are thinking of inviting them.

Would you be hurt if all your siblings went somewhere without you?

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to ruin relationships, on maintain them? That will affect my answer to you.

[Anonymous]

Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

[Anonymous]

I would 1000% be hurt in the scenario you describe. I think with the two families you can get away with it but if you invite the fourth sister you will one million percent be snubbing the one with young kids and hurting her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is going to be hurt. No amount of explanation from you will minimize the hurt, even if she understands, and the relationship will suffer. So hopefully you’re prepared to deal with that long term.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that would hurt my feelings for sure.

[Anonymous]

I think you’d be ok if just going with your eldest sister but if I was the only sibling being left out I would be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes - I would be so hurt!

[Anonymous]

I would be really hurt. There are solutions to the problems you are foreseeing -- you could just not volunteer to stay back and watch the baby, for one. Or each of you could take one day to stay back with the little ones. You could help find a babysitter. You can choose a house with a layout that allows the little kids who have to go to bed early to be far enough away from the living area so that everyone doesn't have to be super-quiet. You could choose adjoining condos or hotel rooms.

But just not inviting her because "it changes the dynamic" is unkind.

[Anonymous]

Invite them. but also make it clear that there is no child care. "hey, we are taking this trip and would love for you to go, but I understand that it might suck with having to be back at the cabin with the baby the whole time"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

+1

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite them. but also make it clear that there is no child care. "hey, we are taking this trip and would love for you to go, but I understand that it might suck with having to be back at the cabin with the baby the whole time"

+1

She can decline, but not being invited would be awful. Or maybe she and her spouse will agree to trade off kid duties during the day and enjoy having dinner with everyone. You can also make some accommodations to be sure they are included without giving up your skiing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

+1.
You could invite them all, but conditionally invite your Sis with young kids, saying. "We hope you can come on vacation with a babysitter, so you can enjoy it, since we'll all be on the slopes."
If she comes, simply DON'T watch her kids. Just don't