If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

Sister will likely be hurt/upset whether she is invited or not.
Option 1: Invited. Assumes other sisters will help out with kids as they always have (even though they said they wouldn't). SHOCKED to find out they aren't helping on the vacation and bitter she is stuck with 4 kids in a hotel room while the others have fun. Doesn't understand why her selfish sisters won't help her out like they always have. Jerks.

Option 2: She doesn't get invited. Is told why and feels her sisters are selfish jerks for not inviting her. She of course can care for her own kids. What are they talking about. Has no clue.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s three siblings all vacationed without him - rented a house on the opposite coast and got together with their aunt, invited the parents down for some of it. My husband didn’t even know they were doing it- I found out on social media. I was hurt for him! But weirdly, he wasn’t. We couldn’t have afforded to go, and we are the only one of his siblings who have kids (all teens). I know it’s hard to vacation with kids, so I get their wanting a different kind of family vacation but… it still stung a little. But again - not for my husband! So- I guess it depends. Maybe talk about it with your sister? Don’t let her husband find out on social media- like I had to!

[Anonymous]

Agree ask her. I am only sibling with kids. Have all different combinations of trips. Talk it through, you’re family. Let her know your concerns. Hear her thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling that the OP won’t address her actual question, which was whether or not this would hurt her sister’s feelings. So what was your real purpose for starting this thread, OP?

OP is a bit Narcissistic that's it. She asked if people would be hurt, when told yes, she then had to explain why they shouldn't she then made several posts agreeing with herself so as not to seem like the bad guy. This thread is nearly a week old and OP is still going on and on about it. She's self-involved. It's not enough for people to agree with her. She needs people to see her as the long-suffering victim and her sister as being oh so selfish and immature if her feelings are hurt.

Spot on.

[Anonymous]

I would never ask someone (who you have been the babysitter for…) on a vacation hoping they would come to their senses and decline. Haha. They will say yes in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the recent postings from OP and the history she has of helping out the kids of this particular sister and her desire to have some time for her own kids on this their first ski trip to a sort of fancy (non PA) place, I take back my previous snide comment about her being the sister who always does what she wants and doesn't worry about other people's feelings. She does help this sister a lot. She taught some of her kids to swim and another how to ride a bike, and there was no return from that sister because she lived farther away when OP's kids were small.

I'm not saying it's ideal, but this all bothers me a lot less now. One thing I wouldn't do is ask your little sister expecting the news not to get back to your excluded sister. It will someday, even if that someday isn't right now -- someday little sis will be mad at you and trying to get in with the excluded sister and whoops there it went. I would just be upfront about the excluded sister about your reasons. I would even ask her whether she feels hurt and and whether there's something she wants you to do (while still respecting your boundaries of what you want), and depending on how that went, ask her if she'd be more hurt about inviting the little sister, maybe. I think she might understand, given all you have done for her in the past. I don't think you're being selfish, really, given how generous you have been with your time in the past and how well you understand the responsibilities you'd be taking on if this sister came.

Good luck, and sorry for my earlier rude-ish comment.

I didn’t make any rude comments, but I agree with what you’ve written here. I’m not sure I’ve ever gone so completely from judging an OP at the start of the thread to taking her side at the end. She’s clearly a thoughtful person who is self-aware enough to know that there is zero way for the other middle sister to come without some combination of kids or grownups ending up hurt or annoyed for the reasons she’s clearly laid out re the differing ski abilities and ages and OP’s very close relationship with that sister’s kids.

OP, in your shoes, I would not invite the youngest sister and just proceed with the original trip with your older sister as planned. Do something else nice to celebrate the youngest’s marriage. There are a world of possibilities. You say you will only be able to afford this ski trip once in a lifetime, but that may not be true—you may have another opportunity when all the kids’ ages make more sense, even if it’s in a less spectacular area. At a minimum, you can all figure out another fun family trip that’s affordable at a beach or campground down the line. No need to let this one trip carry so much emotional weight.

[Anonymous]

There IS such a thing as a once in a lifetime vacation. I have taken many. You say “oh we will do that again!” But time circumstances and kids ages wait for no one. So glad I did what I did when I did it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the only narcissists here seem to be sister #3 and anyone who thinks that she and her family need to be included on a ski vacation where her family's needs will absolutely change the dynamics of what would otherwise be a fun vacation for everyone else involved. The mere fact that OP felt the need to post on DCUM about this situation tells me all I need to know about sister #3.
If sister #3 were mature, reasonable and unselfish, then she would understand why she and her family aren't a good fit for this vacation and instead of being hurt would be happy for their youngest sister's inclusion and also grateful for the OP's involvement with her own kids all summer long. But then again, if sister #3 were someone who weren't so self absorbed, she would have stopped spawning after two kids given overpopulation and the fact that ppl. in the U.S. already use up way more than their fair share of resources which is to say that this situation wouldn't even exist because she'd be able to deal with her own 9 and 11 year olds on a ski vacation.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not! I would enjoy the peace and quiet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.

+1. And no, don’t feel pressure to end up on bunny slope or to stay behind with baby while sister skis. Sister doesn’t have a spouse to join and help? Can they rent separate accommodations? You don’t need to be all in same house.

[Anonymous]

hmm- so i am a younger sister, much younger . my oldest nephew was born when i was in college and i used to watch him for free so my sister could have date night or whatever... the younger sibling usually is doting and helpful when their older sibling has children and helps, but i have also observed this dynamic a lot that once its the younger sibling who has young children, their older siblings don't want to deal with the kids at all. I even remember one of my aunts laughing about it- that you are wasting all this time on their kids but dont expect anything back, it never happens. If your younger sisters went on ski trips with you when you had younger kids and offered to help you than why do you not realize that you have to do the same for her?? i just dont get it. Is it b/c older siblings watched their own younger siblings and so consider it "even"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hmm- so i am a younger sister, much younger . my oldest nephew was born when i was in college and i used to watch him for free so my sister could have date night or whatever... the younger sibling usually is doting and helpful when their older sibling has children and helps, but i have also observed this dynamic a lot that once its the younger sibling who has young children, their older siblings don't want to deal with the kids at all. I even remember one of my aunts laughing about it- that you are wasting all this time on their kids but dont expect anything back, it never happens. If your younger sisters went on ski trips with you when you had younger kids and offered to help you than why do you not realize that you have to do the same for her?? i just dont get it. Is it b/c older siblings watched their own younger siblings and so consider it "even"?

OP here, the sister who did those kinds of things for me is my youngest sister, the one I do want to invite. I will of course reciprocate when she has kids. My third sister, in part due to the timing of when our kids were born, but also for other reasons, has watched my kids much less than I have watched theirs. Which isn’t the point here, other than to say that the situation you imagine does not apply.

[Anonymous]

She might hold it against you- just tell her your plans during the trip and let her know she might have to stay behind. At least give her a choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not! I would enjoy the peace and quiet!

How is she getting "peace and quiet"? This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Nope.