DD’s butt pinched in the pool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter needs to sign up for Juijitsu classes!!! Pronto!

Why? Would she have used those "juijitsu" skills on all the boys? That would end badly for her. If the pinch happened underwater, no one would have seen it--mostly likely not even cameras.
What people (and cameras) WOULD see is the girl suddenly attacking and using "juijitsu" unprovoked on a bunch of other people. SHE, not the boys, would be charged with assault.

You don’t understand martial arts if you think it’s about fighting.

You need to sign up gif Juijitsu pronto.

[Anonymous]

I think your daughter and husband handled the situation very well. She had great instincts and did exactly the right things--she got away from the bullies, she told her dad right away when someone tried to harm her, and he listened to her and helped her leave the area.

Eleven is a great age to start practicing situational awareness. Whether it's always finding the exit when you go to a concert or deciding whether or not to get on that elevator at night--you're helping her build those skills she will need as a teen and young adult to keep herself safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can still show DD it was a big deal. Dad can lead a conversation about it where you all address her response and his, and what he could have done better. He can apologize, reinforce concepts of consent and how to handle these moments. I agree about creating a new moment for her to remember, a new ending to this story.

Keep in mind that these lessons are reinforced daily. Any time you are going out, whether to family’s house or to the mall, you can talk about these issues. Teaching her to stand up for herself generally will help her stand up for herself in the context of sexual assault.

+1
This is a good approach.

[Anonymous]

Dad should have screamed those kids out of the pool. I would have made a public spectacle and made sure everyone around knew exactly what happened. Then I’d have called the police. It is sexual assault and it needs to be called out. People have to stand up and stop hushing it up. Would dad have stood there if those kids punched his daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your daughter and husband handled the situation very well. She had great instincts and did exactly the right things--she got away from the bullies, she told her dad right away when someone tried to harm her, and he listened to her and helped her leave the area.

Eleven is a great age to start practicing situational awareness. Whether it's always finding the exit when you go to a concert or deciding whether or not to get on that elevator at night--you're helping her build those skills she will need as a teen and young adult to keep herself safe.

Someone DID harm her and her daddy sent the message to her that she should hustle away and be embarrassed while the perpetrator gets off scot free.

Yes, perfect lesson.

[Anonymous]

The responses on this thread are pathetic, no wonder boys are empowered to sexually assault girls and each other.

[Anonymous]

I was groped by a passing man when I was a young teen walking down the street w my family but no one saw it and I didn’t tell anyone. Looking back at it I wish I would’ve done something but it took me by surprise and I was thrown off plus embarrassed to tell my parents or make a scene. There is no clearly effective way to handle a difficult situation like that. I think your DD absolutely did the right thing in a) getting away from those boys and b) telling her dad about it right away. I don’t know what your DH “should” have done but if it were my husband and my daughter it probably would’ve played out the same way it did w your DH and DD. My husband is very non confrontational and very much wants to listen and respect our kids’ wishes. If it were me though I don’t know that I could keep myself from confronting the boys. Maybe that makes my husband (and your DH) the parent our daughters would rather turn to though since they know they can trust them to follow their wishes. I can see how if your DH had confronted the boys your daughter would have been embarrassed and angry and potentially lost trust in him.

This is a really tough situation. I hope you can work w your daughter on strategies she can use to protect herself and stand up for herself. But also let her know that she can always trust you and talk to you about anything and that this was not her fault at all and she did nothing wrong in this situation.

[Anonymous]

A guy grabbed my front at a baseball games. I ineffectively punched him in the face but my brother followed my punch with a very effective punch.

The police showed up a beat the guy.

[Anonymous]

I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your daughter and husband handled the situation very well. She had great instincts and did exactly the right things--she got away from the bullies, she told her dad right away when someone tried to harm her, and he listened to her and helped her leave the area.

Eleven is a great age to start practicing situational awareness. Whether it's always finding the exit when you go to a concert or deciding whether or not to get on that elevator at night--you're helping her build those skills she will need as a teen and young adult to keep herself safe.

Someone DID harm her and her daddy sent the message to her that she should hustle away and be embarrassed while the perpetrator gets off scot free.

Yes, perfect lesson.

Yeah, it was a perfect lesson in how to respect choice. Her body, her choice. No victimhood, no shame. Choice.

[Anonymous]

Dad should have told those boys off. DD learned to be quiet and the boys learned they could get away with whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your daughter and husband handled the situation very well. She had great instincts and did exactly the right things--she got away from the bullies, she told her dad right away when someone tried to harm her, and he listened to her and helped her leave the area.

Eleven is a great age to start practicing situational awareness. Whether it's always finding the exit when you go to a concert or deciding whether or not to get on that elevator at night--you're helping her build those skills she will need as a teen and young adult to keep herself safe.

Someone DID harm her and her daddy sent the message to her that she should hustle away and be embarrassed while the perpetrator gets off scot free.

Yes, perfect lesson.

Yeah, it was a perfect lesson in how to respect choice. Her body, her choice. No victimhood, no shame. Choice.

11 year olds often make incorrect choices. One of those “choices” is often to be quietly victimized by sexual predators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

And you think that's ok? Only the boy that did would have known, since it happened underwater.

Same for the DH going back and screaming at all the boys. Many of you are forgetting that these are also still children. I'm not condoning pinching anyone's bottom, but if it's several kids and one does it underwater, the rest of them have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad should have screamed those kids out of the pool. I would have made a public spectacle and made sure everyone around knew exactly what happened. Then I’d have called the police. It is sexual assault and it needs to be called out. People have to stand up and stop hushing it up. Would dad have stood there if those kids punched his daughter?

I think this is too much. Would you do the same thing if it was a bunch of older girls who pinched a younger boy? Probably not. The teen girls at our pool constantly try to pull down the swim trunks of some of the younger boys to embarrass them. I’m not saying it’s right but I’ve never seen any of the parents of those kids intervene or scream or call it assault or call the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

And you think that's ok? Only the boy that did would have known, since it happened underwater.

Same for the DH going back and screaming at all the boys. Many of you are forgetting that these are also still children. I'm not condoning pinching anyone's bottom, but if it's several kids and one does it underwater, the rest of them have no idea.

I don't care. 100% agree with the PP her 13 DD is way smarter than you are.

Those boys are 100% old enough to know what they did wrong. And if they are dumb enough to have a friend like this then so be it. My guess is it was not just one.

Her father should have told the management and gotten all the boys thrown out of the pool. If it was my daughter they would not be walking home. I would have called the police.

Her body not theirs!