Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are saying that the adult kids deserve nothing for mistreating their dad, or for checking out of their dad's life, I'd like to urge you to consider that you only have one side of this.

I am sure my dad's wife's kids will be saying similar things when my dad dies and leaves everything to them/his new wife. I also know he has told people that the kids from his first marriage are "spiteful" and are willingly not a part of his life. But the truth is that he abandoned us for his new wife and her kids. We were teens when he married her, and he had no interest in us from that point on: he didn't come to birthdays, graduations, or anything else. When we needed something, we had to plead, and we usually didn't get it. My youngest brother never got braces because dad wouldn't pay, even though older siblings got them and he paid for his new wife's kids' college. We, his first family, took out student loans. We were never invited to his home with her. Oh, and our mom was dead, so that lent an extra note of bitterness to the situation.

I am sure we will get nothing. We don't expect it. But I wish people would be a little less quick to assume that everything our dad said is true. Does it REALLY make sense that ALL of his kids willingly checked out of his life?

This happens a lot when men remarry.

I have reservations about OP's step-dad's story. I think OP should at least talk to the kids and be willing to share.

I know my dad's new wife and her family won't do the same for us.

But what do you want OP to share? The money that had been left in trust for her children, who this man apparently thought of as his grandchildren? How is it her place to do that? It's not that simple to break a trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to hear the legal grounds pps think this will can be contested?
Note, legal grounds does not include the hurt feelings of adult children:

The will failed to comply with the statutory requirements for it to be valid, often an issue where wills are handwritten (in whole or in part), unsigned, not witnessed or not notarized
Breach of fiduciary duty, for example where a power of attorney does something in their self-interest instead of in the interest of the person they are supposed to be serving
Duress (threat of violence, abuse, or other unethical, coercive action)
Fraud that affected the details of the will
Forgery
Misrepresentation
Someone used undue influence to ensure that the terms of the will benefited them
The person who made the will can be proven to have been mentally ill, incapacitated, or otherwise lacked the capacity to make a will

You forgot about assumptions. There is an assumption that you would provide for your surviving spouse and children. If you want to disinherit them, you have to provide for that in the will. If you don’t, it is grounds for a contest.

OP, I’d ignore them. And only if you get served with a lawsuit or if you are really worried about it would I even bother to call a lawyer.

My God. Please cite the legal ground of assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious did his kids come to his funeral?

This is OP. No. One sent flowers.

NP. That's cold. Hard to muster any sympathy for them being disinherited.

Yet you don't know what their side of this story is. What if he abandoned them? Would you really expect him to tell his new wife and her family that he had chosen to focus just on his new family and cut ties with the old one? Of course not. Man remarries, first family becomes a burden he'd like to forget. Tale as old as time.

This is OP. I do know that he left his first wife a fully paid-off house and paid the college tuition of both of his kids. But that's neither here nor there.

There's probably nothing OP can do to make things right, though.

[Anonymous]

I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are saying that the adult kids deserve nothing for mistreating their dad, or for checking out of their dad's life, I'd like to urge you to consider that you only have one side of this.

I am sure my dad's wife's kids will be saying similar things when my dad dies and leaves everything to them/his new wife. I also know he has told people that the kids from his first marriage are "spiteful" and are willingly not a part of his life. But the truth is that he abandoned us for his new wife and her kids. We were teens when he married her, and he had no interest in us from that point on: he didn't come to birthdays, graduations, or anything else. When we needed something, we had to plead, and we usually didn't get it. My youngest brother never got braces because dad wouldn't pay, even though older siblings got them and he paid for his new wife's kids' college. We, his first family, took out student loans. We were never invited to his home with her. Oh, and our mom was dead, so that lent an extra note of bitterness to the situation.

I am sure we will get nothing. We don't expect it. But I wish people would be a little less quick to assume that everything our dad said is true. Does it REALLY make sense that ALL of his kids willingly checked out of his life?

This happens a lot when men remarry.

I have reservations about OP's step-dad's story. I think OP should at least talk to the kids and be willing to share.

I know my dad's new wife and her family won't do the same for us.

If you were teenagers when your father remarried and your mom was dead exactly where were you living and with whom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

I think what the step dad did is kind of rotten, but it wasn’t OP’s choice. It’s kind of a tricky situation for OP. She didn’t choose this-it just happened to her.

That being said, I would never disinherit my children, no matter what they did to me.

Really?

Yes, really. It’s my job to love them, not their job to do anything for me.

So if your child tried to smother you in your sleep, you're good, because they are always your child?

[Anonymous]

Wow!
At this point we do not know the truth in both sides but we do know he left a hot mess for his step daughter and grandkids to deal with. That’s says a lot about his character. He could have at least talked to the OP about his plan when he drew up his will.
What a jerky thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are saying that the adult kids deserve nothing for mistreating their dad, or for checking out of their dad's life, I'd like to urge you to consider that you only have one side of this.

I am sure my dad's wife's kids will be saying similar things when my dad dies and leaves everything to them/his new wife. I also know he has told people that the kids from his first marriage are "spiteful" and are willingly not a part of his life. But the truth is that he abandoned us for his new wife and her kids. We were teens when he married her, and he had no interest in us from that point on: he didn't come to birthdays, graduations, or anything else. When we needed something, we had to plead, and we usually didn't get it. My youngest brother never got braces because dad wouldn't pay, even though older siblings got them and he paid for his new wife's kids' college. We, his first family, took out student loans. We were never invited to his home with her. Oh, and our mom was dead, so that lent an extra note of bitterness to the situation.

I am sure we will get nothing. We don't expect it. But I wish people would be a little less quick to assume that everything our dad said is true. Does it REALLY make sense that ALL of his kids willingly checked out of his life?

This happens a lot when men remarry.

I have reservations about OP's step-dad's story. I think OP should at least talk to the kids and be willing to share.

I know my dad's new wife and her family won't do the same for us.

For the upteenth time, OP did not inherit anything. There is nothing for her to share. Her mother inherited, and her kids have money placed in a trust. Perhaps OP is the trustee, but if so, she is not legally permitted to raid the trust to pass along money because she feels bad.

It's fine to sympathize with the disinherited kids, but there is literally nothing OP can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do not respond to them. The last thing you want is that if this goes to some kind of litigation with them contesting the will, your words to be used against you. (It's like a Miranda warning -- anything you say WILL be used against you. If you even say you're sorry and you "understand" their frustration, that will be twisted into you "admitting" that they are in the right.)

You don't need to lawyer up until they indicate they are pursuing legal action, unless it's going to make you feel better to talk to a lawyer to advise you about the various scenarios.

I really don't understand the PPs who think it's somehow obvious that you need to cut this man's kids in. You don't know them and it was his money. And the fact that they are harassing YOU over it certainly doesn't paint them in a positive light. Besides, his disinheriting them was itself a big middle finger to them. It's not like they'll forgive it if you give them money. So it sounds like a pure shakedown, and unless you encouraged your stepdad to disinherit, you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Right, if they felt wronged the thing to do is contest the will through legal avenues not harass this woman because her children just happened to inherit.

[Anonymous]

Just some questions:
- How would the adult birth children know that the OP’s kids are beneficiaries?
-Are the adult birth children going after your mom too or just your kid’s portion?
-Do the adult birth kids have any idea of the total money picture?

I have been an executor, but there wasn’t an official reading of the will like I see on TV 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are saying that the adult kids deserve nothing for mistreating their dad, or for checking out of their dad's life, I'd like to urge you to consider that you only have one side of this.

I am sure my dad's wife's kids will be saying similar things when my dad dies and leaves everything to them/his new wife. I also know he has told people that the kids from his first marriage are "spiteful" and are willingly not a part of his life. But the truth is that he abandoned us for his new wife and her kids. We were teens when he married her, and he had no interest in us from that point on: he didn't come to birthdays, graduations, or anything else. When we needed something, we had to plead, and we usually didn't get it. My youngest brother never got braces because dad wouldn't pay, even though older siblings got them and he paid for his new wife's kids' college. We, his first family, took out student loans. We were never invited to his home with her. Oh, and our mom was dead, so that lent an extra note of bitterness to the situation.

I am sure we will get nothing. We don't expect it. But I wish people would be a little less quick to assume that everything our dad said is true. Does it REALLY make sense that ALL of his kids willingly checked out of his life?

This happens a lot when men remarry.

I have reservations about OP's step-dad's story. I think OP should at least talk to the kids and be willing to share.

I know my dad's new wife and her family won't do the same for us.

DP

I’m sorry about your dad and how he has mistreated you.

When there is such a situation why would people think they should get the money of someone they had a terrible relationship with? I don’t understand.

People can do whatever they want with their money/possessions. Parents whose children are adults can give away every last dime of their wealth when they are still alive of they wish to non-relatives, or nephews & nieces, or anyone other than their children, or give it all away after their death to whomever they want. We don’t own our parents’ wealth. It’s understandable we might want it, but we do not own it, unless the parent decides to give it to us.

[Anonymous]

My grandfather’s second wife cleverly talked him into changing carefully crafted plans to see to her as well as my mother and aunt. The 2nd wife (a bit of an operator) got an entirely new estate plan ginned up and ended up in litigation with my mother and aunt when her undue influence was laid out. She still ended up getting more than entitled raptor since settling as cheaper than litigating.

Get counsel now to prepare yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather’s second wife cleverly talked him into changing carefully crafted plans to see to her as well as my mother and aunt. The 2nd wife (a bit of an operator) got an entirely new estate plan ginned up and ended up in litigation with my mother and aunt when her undue influence was laid out. She still ended up getting more than entitled raptor since settling as cheaper than litigating.

Get counsel now to prepare yourself.

Oy, spell check…. “Got more than entitled to…”

[Anonymous]

Yes you should tell them to get lost. They wanted nothing to do with him. They made that clear. Your kids had a relationship with him. Keep the money and don’t feel an a ounce of guilt. Be prepared to be sued though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are saying that the adult kids deserve nothing for mistreating their dad, or for checking out of their dad's life, I'd like to urge you to consider that you only have one side of this.

I am sure my dad's wife's kids will be saying similar things when my dad dies and leaves everything to them/his new wife. I also know he has told people that the kids from his first marriage are "spiteful" and are willingly not a part of his life. But the truth is that he abandoned us for his new wife and her kids. We were teens when he married her, and he had no interest in us from that point on: he didn't come to birthdays, graduations, or anything else. When we needed something, we had to plead, and we usually didn't get it. My youngest brother never got braces because dad wouldn't pay, even though older siblings got them and he paid for his new wife's kids' college. We, his first family, took out student loans. We were never invited to his home with her. Oh, and our mom was dead, so that lent an extra note of bitterness to the situation.

I am sure we will get nothing. We don't expect it. But I wish people would be a little less quick to assume that everything our dad said is true. Does it REALLY make sense that ALL of his kids willingly checked out of his life?

This happens a lot when men remarry.

I have reservations about OP's step-dad's story. I think OP should at least talk to the kids and be willing to share.

I know my dad's new wife and her family won't do the same for us.

If you were teenagers when your father remarried and your mom was dead exactly where were you living and with whom?

My brother kept living in his house. He was basically an orphan because my dad paid him no attention and was spending most nights with his new woman. My other sibling and I stayed with grandparents, though I spent a lot of time living at my best friend's house. Officially, we were all living with Dad. There was tremendous sympathy for him from all adults involved, except my grandmother, who used to call him to shout at him periodically. He eventually cut her off too.