Husband won’t get a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

IUD insertion is also “forcing a surgery” just one with a lot worse potential outcomes.

An IUD insertion is not surgery and can be removed at any time. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

IUD insertion is also “forcing a surgery” just one with a lot worse potential outcomes.

An IUD insertion is not surgery and can be removed at any time. Problem solved

I would consider having someone crank open my cervix and leave a piece of hardware in my body surgical. It’s just outpatient, like a vasectomy. It also has a higher likelihood of complications than a vasectomy. Not saying it’s a bad option just that it’s not less invasive than vasectomy, just less permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

IUD insertion is also “forcing a surgery” just one with a lot worse potential outcomes.

An IUD insertion is not surgery and can be removed at any time. Problem solved

I would consider having someone crank open my cervix and leave a piece of hardware in my body surgical. It’s just outpatient, like a vasectomy. It also has a higher likelihood of complications than a vasectomy. Not saying it’s a bad option just that it’s not less invasive than vasectomy, just less permanent.

If you’ve had 2 children your cervix is open enough- it is just wire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

IUD insertion is also “forcing a surgery” just one with a lot worse potential outcomes.

An IUD insertion is not surgery and can be removed at any time. Problem solved

I would consider having someone crank open my cervix and leave a piece of hardware in my body surgical. It’s just outpatient, like a vasectomy. It also has a higher likelihood of complications than a vasectomy. Not saying it’s a bad option just that it’s not less invasive than vasectomy, just less permanent.

Well, here’s how I feel as a woman, and I trust I will get lots of feedback.

I have taken all responsibility for not wanting to get pregnant since I was 17 years old. I have done pills, shots, and after DD, the IUD, condoms and NFP. no one was forcing me into surgery because *I* did not want to get pregnant. “My uterus, my choice” is a double edged sword, or a responsibility, or whatever you want to call it.

OPs husband is not sure that he doesn’t want more children. His body, his choice. And then, OP needs to protect herself. It can be one of many BC methods. But, this is different than when both partners agree NO children, in which case the burden to ensure no more children is equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can have his sperm frozen, then get the V.

Why is this not the most obvious answer? Vasectomy was the best thing I ever did. I was down for 24 hours and back in the saddle within 2 days. Was riding my bike within a week and even went scuba diving within 2 weeks. I have probably talked at least 6 other dads into getting one. I can’t fathom that freezing sperm would cost too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

His body, his choice.

/thread

His sperm, his responsibility.

If he doesn't want a V then he can use condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable.

OP here. We have been using the pull outs method which has worked up until recently when I decided I only wanted two kids. We are Catholics and I don’t think abortion is right for me. We would have a third, which is why I want to take every precaution not to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable.

I'm not catholic, but wouldn't a vasectomy be contraception and thus, contrary to catholic beliefs? Serious question.
OP here. We have been using the pull outs method which has worked up until recently when I decided I only wanted two kids. We are Catholics and I don’t think abortion is right for me. We would have a third, which is why I want to take every precaution not to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable.

OP here. We have been using the pull outs method which has worked up until recently when I decided I only wanted two kids. We are Catholics and I don’t think abortion is right for me. We would have a third, which is why I want to take every precaution not to get pregnant.

OP here. He is more of a catholic than I am. I would say we are not super religious - no video studying or church, but we believe in some of the faith. Abortion is not for us and not something we would ever do. Not judging or saying I’m against it, but it would never be right with my family unless there was an issue with the baby.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will talk to my husband more. I didn’t realize there was an IUD without any hormones. I thought all of them caused issues and haven’t looked into anything after years of bad experiences with them.

My husband isn’t looking to leave me for another woman. He’s just not sure he is done having kids and wants to give it another year before we are both sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

OP here. He won’t leave because I don’t want a third child. Not all men are bad or leave. Not all men want a younger woman either. We are very happy.

He wont leave because of that. But he is keeping the door open for his next wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable.

OP here. We have been using the pull outs method which has worked up until recently when I decided I only wanted two kids. We are Catholics and I don’t think abortion is right for me. We would have a third, which is why I want to take every precaution not to get pregnant.

Oh god, if you don't want a third and don't believe in abortion, and your husband is refusing a vasectomy, the pull-out method is a TERRIBLE choice for you. Your setting yourself up for an "oops" and a major case of resentment.

Definitely talk to your doctor about non-hormonal, but effective birth control, like a non-hormonal IUD or a diaphragm. Like, call today. And until you figure this out, he needs to wear a condom!! You're playing with fire!

[Anonymous]

There’s always backdoor love...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

His body, his choice.