Husband won’t get a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a vasectomy years ago. As horny and hard as ever. Tell Your DH to man up and get it done.

Signed,
A Guy

Well I'd hope so.

You can never tell here.

Signed, A Guy (pp)

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny who works for a family with three boys--after the 2nd they said they were done and if mom got pregnant again she'd have an abortion. Dad wouldn't get snipped--balked at it, and mom got pregnant at 40. Went in for the abortion, but couldn't do it after seeing the sonogram. They now have 3 kids. Dad is a stay at home dad, and didn't want another kid, but I figure if he REALLY didn't want a third he should have gotten snipped right after the second kid was born. He ran out and had the procedure after mom refused the abortion. Suddenly it wasn't such a scary idea. Everyone needs to take responsibility--in your case, I can kind of see your husband's point since you had said 2 or 3, but I also see your side where you know you're done. You need to have a conversation with him about what you'd do if you got pregnant with a third. If he doesn't want you to have an abortion then he needs to get snipped.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DH won’t wear a condom??? That’s all kinds of wrong. Pull out method is very, very unreliable so you are rolling the dice.

I had very difficult pregnancies. I was on the pill pre-pregnancy and felt like I just couldn’t go back to that. I preferred to not get an IUD, too. DH saw all I went through (pregnancy and childbirth) and felt he couldn’t ask me to do more with my body. So he knew he needed to man up and get a V. He procrastinated. So one-unplanned pregnancy later (we have four kids), he finally got around to it. It was fine and he’s takes many friends into it. It’s great not having to worry about pregnancy.

You need to start using condoms. And if your DH gets tired of them, his choices should be to get a vasectomy or continue to using condoms. That feels like a fair choice for him.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse is a serious Catholic who doesn’t believe in birth control but you want him to get a vasectomy that he doesn’t want and which violates his religious beliefs anyway?

I hear abstinence is 100% for avoiding pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse is a serious Catholic who doesn’t believe in birth control but you want him to get a vasectomy that he doesn’t want and which violates his religious beliefs anyway?

I hear abstinence is 100% for avoiding pregnancy.

She said they weren’t super religious. It sounds like she had some catholic faith but not a true catholic.

[Anonymous]

Well, it's his body.

Why don't you look into permanent or semi-permanent (i.e. Mirena) forms of BC other than the pill?

Honestly, asking a guy to get snipped to me is much more intrusive than asking a woman to get an IUD.

- a woman

[Anonymous]

He’s not sure that he’s done. You can’t force him to get a procedure if he’s not sure. Get an iud and in a year or two bring it up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

Then get a nonhormonal IUD. It’s quite simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DH won’t wear a condom??? That’s all kinds of wrong. Pull out method is very, very unreliable so you are rolling the dice.

I had very difficult pregnancies. I was on the pill pre-pregnancy and felt like I just couldn’t go back to that. I preferred to not get an IUD, too. DH saw all I went through (pregnancy and childbirth) and felt he couldn’t ask me to do more with my body. So he knew he needed to man up and get a V. He procrastinated. So one-unplanned pregnancy later (we have four kids), he finally got around to it. It was fine and he’s takes many friends into it. It’s great not having to worry about pregnancy.

You need to start using condoms. And if your DH gets tired of them, his choices should be to get a vasectomy or continue to using condoms. That feels like a fair choice for him.

+1

He is an adult and responsible for his own reproductive organs - he can control his own sperm.

Doesn't want to get a vasectomy? Use condoms. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny who works for a family with three boys--after the 2nd they said they were done and if mom got pregnant again she'd have an abortion. Dad wouldn't get snipped--balked at it, and mom got pregnant at 40. Went in for the abortion, but couldn't do it after seeing the sonogram. They now have 3 kids. Dad is a stay at home dad, and didn't want another kid, but I figure if he REALLY didn't want a third he should have gotten snipped right after the second kid was born. He ran out and had the procedure after mom refused the abortion. Suddenly it wasn't such a scary idea. Everyone needs to take responsibility--in your case, I can kind of see your husband's point since you had said 2 or 3, but I also see your side where you know you're done. You need to have a conversation with him about what you'd do if you got pregnant with a third. If he doesn't want you to have an abortion then he needs to get snipped.

No it shouldn't come down to an abortion! The wife should have refused sex until he got a vasectomy, that simple.

[Anonymous]

My husband was done having kids. I wasn't. I think the one who is done having kids should have the more permanent solution. I'm not looking to leave my husband either but I'd rather leave my options open in case things fall apart and I meet someone else and want kids. Egg storage also is not cheap.

My good friend had her husband get a vasectomy. I'm certain the marriage isn't going to make it. She once told me she just wants to protect her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was done having kids. I wasn't. I think the one who is done having kids should have the more permanent solution. I'm not looking to leave my husband either but I'd rather leave my options open in case things fall apart and I meet someone else and want kids. Egg storage also is not cheap.

My good friend had her husband get a vasectomy. I'm certain the marriage isn't going to make it. She once told me she just wants to protect her kids.[/quote

Your good friend is smart, nothing worse than men having more kids with different partners. Irresponsible and horrible thing to do to a family.

[Anonymous]

I got my tubes tied recently, OP. It is invasive but it’s not too bad, I was in the hospital for less than an hour, then laid in bed for a day, and was back to normal in a couple of days.

I’m not sure what other advice you are looking for, there’s no magic solution if you can’t use birth control.

It’s really great to no longer have to worry about BC.