Reply to Husband won’t get a vasectomy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this. [/quote]

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable. [/quote]

OP here. We have been using the pull outs method which has worked up until recently when I decided I only wanted two kids. We are Catholics and I don’t think abortion is right for me. We would have a third, which is why I want to take every precaution not to get pregnant. [/quote]

OP here. He is more of a catholic than I am. I would say we are not super religious - no video studying or church, but we believe in some of the faith. Abortion is not for us and not something we would ever do. Not judging or saying I’m against it, but it would never be right with my family unless there was an issue with the baby. [/quote]

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