Husband won’t get a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

Perhaps.

While most married men do get one, some do not and never state why. Could be uninformed, scared, may want more Kids in the future if things change.

OP has said he wants to wait a year to make sure she's sure and then he would get one. The problem is not the V. And I am someone who probably would have divorced my husband had he been unwilling to get one.

Ok then, so one year of condoms or BC and then they can both do a final gut check of kid 3, then get fax or not.

Sounds like Op and her husband have an OK plan, if they stick to it.

[Anonymous]

Use a diaphragm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

OP here. He won’t leave because I don’t want a third child. Not all men are bad or leave. Not all men want a younger woman either. We are very happy. [/quot

If I had a dime for every woman that said my husband won't leave me he's a good guy I could have retired at 30

[Anonymous]

He can have his sperm frozen, then get the V.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

OP here. He won’t leave because I don’t want a third child. Not all men are bad or leave. Not all men want a younger woman either. We are very happy.

Folks this a troll. Same poster posts a controversial thread every week or two and if someone questions her husband gives the not all men are bad post
.

I believe this person also had a thread on a DH who wouldn't let her do anything because she was pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Had a vasectomy years ago. As horny and hard as ever. Tell Your DH to man up and get it done.

Signed,
A Guy

[Anonymous]

I'm going to suggest you offer a compromise of 1 year of condoms.

The reason is you have likely been the one to be responsible for birth control the duration of your relationship. You have made yourself uncomfortable by using birth control. It's time for him to take responsibility. After a year you reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

Perhaps.

While most married men do get one, some do not and never state why. Could be uninformed, scared, may want more Kids in the future if things change.

OP has said he wants to wait a year to make sure she's sure and then he would get one. The problem is not the V. And I am someone who probably would have divorced my husband had he been unwilling to get one.

Ok then, so one year of condoms or BC and then they can both do a final gut check of kid 3, then get fax or not.

Sounds like Op and her husband have an OK plan, if they stick to it.

OP is not ok with that plan. Her post is that she's mad that the DH doesn't want the V right now.

I am a woman that has a tough time on hormonal birth control and who had horrific absolute nightmare pregnancies. I have three kids and had my husband not been willing to take one for the team after everything he's seen me go through it would have been like, relationship ending. I have a general belief that women shoulder far too much implied responsibility for birth control from far too young an age and that men are, for the most part, whiny little b's about most of this.

Just to explain that my perspective on most of these posts are something like, MEN WHO WILL NOT GET VASECTOMIES ARE ENORMOUS LOSERS.

But this is not what is happening here, and I think OP framing it that way makes me more suspicious overall of her good intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a vasectomy years ago. As horny and hard as ever. Tell Your DH to man up and get it done.

Signed,
A Guy

Well I'd hope so.

[Anonymous]

Do people really not have this discussion pre-kids/pre-marriage? Our deal was, hormonal BC ends at 35 when there are additional risks from taking it. That’s 15 years of me doing the BC. The next 15 years are DH’s problem, one he wants to solve with a vasectomy but considered condoms. When I turn 50 we assume Mother Nature has it under control.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a vasectomy years ago. As horny and hard as ever. Tell Your DH to man up and get it done.

Signed,
A Guy

Best thing I ever did! So liberating and woman love me for it.

[Anonymous]

Do they still make female condoms? Perhaps a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone dismissing birth control because some people (including, apparently, OP) can't handle hormones? It has been repeated at least three times on this thread -- there is a 99.9 percent effective birth control that is NOT HORMONAL, and that is the Paragard (copper) IUD. The possible side effect is heavier periods. On the other hand, vaginal lubrication is improved. Your sex life can be much better with the Paragard than without. I love mine. LOVE it. OP, I strongly encourage you to give it a try, if you have not already.

I would never, ever force surgery on a person who doesn't want it. Never a good idea. Of course it is unpleasant to think about and extremely unlikely, but OP might get hit by a bus tomorrow. We never know for certain what the future holds. Holding onto our fertility is a very personal thing and profoundly important for some of us.

Paragard IUD all the way.

IUD insertion is also “forcing a surgery” just one with a lot worse potential outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

His body, his choice.

/thread