Husband won’t get a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP it’s kind of shitty that he won’t get a vasectomy but if you are done having kids for sure just get your tubes tied unless you are willing to do a copper IUD but I found the side effects too much. Getting your tubes tied is more invasive than a vasectomy but it isn’t that bad and then you’d be done and in control. Otherwise I predict a surprise third baby and all sorts of problems for you. I always think it’s a little bit of a red flag when the guy refuses when the wife is done. It’s like he’s imagining a future 5 or 10 years down the road with a new woman and wants to keep the option open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

Perhaps.

While most married men do get one, some do not and never state why. Could be uninformed, scared, may want more Kids in the future if things change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to get a vasectomy but freaked out when the doctor started talking about side effects and problems. I backed out. My wife was not happy and rents me since she has to keep taking birth control. I can’t help how I feel, even though it is selfish.

Have you talked with your friends who have had vasectomies?

[Anonymous]

Does he have any negative/bad influences amongst his friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

Perhaps.

While most married men do get one, some do not and never state why. Could be uninformed, scared, may want more Kids in the future if things change.

OP has said he wants to wait a year to make sure she's sure and then he would get one. The problem is not the V. And I am someone who probably would have divorced my husband had he been unwilling to get one.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to add to my PP and say that I think OP posted this with some disingenuous intent. A straight up, 'my husband won't get a V and wants me to get my tubes tied' is a DRAMATICALLY different scenario than what she is proposing. That kind of post is kicking a hornets nest here, her problem is just a standard issue, can't agree on how many kids conundrum.

[Anonymous]

No sex unless he wears a condom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to add to my PP and say that I think OP posted this with some disingenuous intent. A straight up, 'my husband won't get a V and wants me to get my tubes tied' is a DRAMATICALLY different scenario than what she is proposing. That kind of post is kicking a hornets nest here, her problem is just a standard issue, can't agree on how many kids conundrum.

No - it's still about birth control. She doesn't want any of his sperm in her vagina and she wants him to take care of it.

He can take responsibility for his own ejaculate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to add to my PP and say that I think OP posted this with some disingenuous intent. A straight up, 'my husband won't get a V and wants me to get my tubes tied' is a DRAMATICALLY different scenario than what she is proposing. That kind of post is kicking a hornets nest here, her problem is just a standard issue, can't agree on how many kids conundrum.

No - it's still about birth control. She doesn't want any of his sperm in her vagina and she wants him to take care of it.

He can take responsibility for his own ejaculate.

There are two questions

1) Do we need permanent birth control

if not then

2) What kind should we use until we do

They disagree on the first so OP framing this as him refusing this as a solution for #1 is disingenuous. She hasn't talked much about what he thinks they should do while they are working this out which is a different issue/discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to add to my PP and say that I think OP posted this with some disingenuous intent. A straight up, 'my husband won't get a V and wants me to get my tubes tied' is a DRAMATICALLY different scenario than what she is proposing. That kind of post is kicking a hornets nest here, her problem is just a standard issue, can't agree on how many kids conundrum.

No - it's still about birth control. She doesn't want any of his sperm in her vagina and she wants him to take care of it.

He can take responsibility for his own ejaculate.

Also it seems she DOES want his sp in her v (trying to help jeff out with those ad crawlers!). She doesn't want to give him a year to marinate on this and doesn't want to give up se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are incorrectly framing your problem. Your husband is willing to get a vasectomy as a form of permanent birth control.

Your problem is not his unwillingness to get a vasectomy, its that he wants another kid. That is a really difficult problem and I think you should probably go to therapy to work it out.

Perhaps.

While most married men do get one, some do not and never state why. Could be uninformed, scared, may want more Kids in the future if things change.

This is not a maybe situation—OP’s husband has told her that he wants a third child — now — with her. They fundamentally disagree about the number of kids they want to have. Why would he get permanent birth control if he WANTS another child? That is the real issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sex unless he wears a condom.

No sex for her unless she gets her tubes tied. Fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to add to my PP and say that I think OP posted this with some disingenuous intent. A straight up, 'my husband won't get a V and wants me to get my tubes tied' is a DRAMATICALLY different scenario than what she is proposing. That kind of post is kicking a hornets nest here, her problem is just a standard issue, can't agree on how many kids conundrum.

No - it's still about birth control. She doesn't want any of his sperm in her vagina and she wants him to take care of it.

He can take responsibility for his own ejaculate.

There are two questions

1) Do we need permanent birth control

if not then

2) What kind should we use until we do

They disagree on the first so OP framing this as him refusing this as a solution for #1 is disingenuous. She hasn't talked much about what he thinks they should do while they are working this out which is a different issue/discussion.

Condoms would solve the issue for OP.

It's really up to her DH if he wants long-term or short-term birth control options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sex unless he wears a condom.

No sex for her unless she gets her tubes tied. Fair?

No sex unless he is addressing his ejaculation. She has said no to more sperm.