New roommate emails to request they be given the desk and bed by the window. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

At first I found it rude but when I realized the roommate had already been sleeping in that bed it made more sense. I’m sure the roommate is not thrilled to be getting a roommate after having it to herself or with someone else. Your dd’s approach is passive aggressive: either say you want it too, or let it go, but don’t pretend not to have read the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:good lord people... it's ONE semester... and the kid was there before and just wants to keep what they had had... seems like a reasonable request for a few months.

Found the roommates mom. If it isnt a hardship why cant the roommate give it to op's kid? It's just ONE semester, right?

[Anonymous]

What a pain in the neck for the roommate to pack everything up for winter break and the unpack it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

That’s great!

This is 16:15 and agree! That's great. Dealing with challenging people is one of the toughest things to learn, but sometimes challenging people turn out to be great friends, so it's worth the extra effort (at first).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's totally fair. They were there before. They only cleaned out their crap because they didn't know if they'd be coming back.

Tell your kid not to stand on ceremony about "lack of pleasantries" for the rest of their life. It'll serve them well.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

+1

NP here. DH’s family is like this - everything is bargaining, much like small children (they are from the US, before anyone asks. Their house was very dog-eat-dog growing up. It is exhausting and extremely petty, but that is how some people operate. At least your DC knows now what to expect - and knows to keep their name on the list for a single!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

I don't think one is a pushover for granting a request. Some people wouldn't blink an eye at this or something else that would rile up another person. There's nothing wrong about making a request, to which you can say yes, or no, or let me get back to you.

It sounds like your DD is ratcheting up the drama by making judgements based on IG and then saying she's going to be passive (by denying receipt). Maybe the roommate is shy. Maybe she sleeps late, and it's out of the way. Maybe she's stressed and trying some way to have control (not over DD, but by where she will land). Who knows? I think your DD should just respond straightforwardly in a way that's honest to her. I mean if she's funny, or charitable, she could even write back something, "Sure Cindi, but it will cost you a cupcake."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's the same room, and the person was there last semester, I think it's not so unreasonable although poorly worded. I would roll with it and hope for the best. Getting along with a difficult roommate is a pain but it is good to do it at least once, and a Spring semester seems like an ideal time honestly. That way it's not a whole year.

+1

+2 The request could have been made better and with some softeners but it seems reasonable. The other kid wants the same bed/desk that s/he had first semester. The kid's stuff would already be in those places if the pack-up hadn't occurred. Hopefully OP your kid doesn't allow this to get the whole relationship off to a bad start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

Lots of singles at Haverford. Also coed bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Say why don’t we rearrange the room so it works for both of us or one gets the bed and one gets the desk. Your choice which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say why don’t we rearrange the room so it works for both of us or one gets the bed and one gets the desk. Your choice which.

Weird to have someone else desk closest to your bed.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you handled this really well, OP. I hope the rest of their relationship is drama-free.

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone asked this already, but is this your roommate? If it is your kids roommate can they handle it themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grad school apartment mate did something analogously selfish on our first encounter. I rolled with it, and she turned out to be a great friend— although I still look back on the initial incident and think she was wrong. So it doesn’t have to mean everything else will be bad.

Mine did a similar thing and turned out to be legit crazy. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

Yikes. Is your daughter going to be a lawyer?

I like that the roommate asked, did not assume. She shared her rationale (which I think makes sense). Only one person can have the bed by the window.

So I probably would have agreed, but hoped that my graciousness would have been rewarded by her giving up the next such favored option down the line.

(I think OP's daughter did, in essence, say "What do I get from being nice to you?" I don't like the message that sends. It is extremely transactional, but maybe that is the way she is. )