New roommate emails to request they be given the desk and bed by the window. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't think the substance of the request is off, given that the person was there and had it last time, but I do agree that the lack of plesantries or a friendly tone suggests that this will not be a great roomate experience. Who wants to live in a room with someone who is not especially friendly or warm?


In person I am friendly and warm, but sometimes I just bumble phone calls and emails and come off awkward and cold. I don’t know if you can say what her personality is like just from this one email.

Um, generally asking something about the new roomate (interests, major, anything at all) rather than just staing that you would like to have the bed and desk you had before, seems like basic courtesy and warmth. The email is bad.

The email is bad, but sometimes nice people write awkward bad emails that make them seem heartless when in person they are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't think the substance of the request is off, given that the person was there and had it last time, but I do agree that the lack of plesantries or a friendly tone suggests that this will not be a great roomate experience. Who wants to live in a room with someone who is not especially friendly or warm?


In person I am friendly and warm, but sometimes I just bumble phone calls and emails and come off awkward and cold. I don’t know if you can say what her personality is like just from this one email.

Um, generally asking something about the new roomate (interests, major, anything at all) rather than just staing that you would like to have the bed and desk you had before, seems like basic courtesy and warmth. The email is bad.

The email is bad, but sometimes nice people write awkward bad emails that make them seem heartless when in person they are fine.

Or sometimes it reveals that they are assholes

[Anonymous]

good lord people... it's ONE semester... and the kid was there before and just wants to keep what they had had... seems like a reasonable request for a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the substance of the request is off, given that the person was there and had it last time, but I do agree that the lack of plesantries or a friendly tone suggests that this will not be a great roomate experience. Who wants to live in a room with someone who is not especially friendly or warm?

I Agree! She could have said ....hello, looking forward to meeting you, fyi and a little awkward but I was given/ took/ won window spot for year but because of covid packed up in case of no return, my plan is to just move back to same spot so heads up in case you get there before me. It’s a great room/ warm room/ lots of sunlight room and I know you’ll be comfortable......

Some people are self-centered and do not communicate well. Tell dd to go along and look for single or roommate of choosing for future.

I think this is great advice, even though I disagree with the above poster -- I think the request is off.

The right thing for OP's daughter to do is to go along with it, note the rude behavior, but go in as open minded as possible and see if they can get off on a better foot when they meet in person. It's making the best of it, which is part of what college and shared housing is about. There isn't much to be gained by initiating an argument before they've even met in person.

But that's exactly why I think the substance of the request is off. The roommate is putting OP's daughter in the position of having to give up something advantageous before she even had a chance to get it. That's so weird. And the roommate obviously understands she's asking for something of value. At a minimum, she should have offered something of value in return, or asked if there was some aspect of their living arrangement OP's daughter wanted, as she asked for what is basically a favor. The roommate is being rude, and not just in tone -- it is not an appropriate request and if it were my daughter, I would have encouraged her to handle it in a more generous, welcoming way (by either letting chips fall where they may, or seeing if she could strike a friendly deal with her new roommate).

[Anonymous]

My grad school apartment mate did something analogously selfish on our first encounter. I rolled with it, and she turned out to be a great friend— although I still look back on the initial incident and think she was wrong. So it doesn’t have to mean everything else will be bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:good lord people... it's ONE semester... and the kid was there before and just wants to keep what they had had... seems like a reasonable request for a few months.

Agree with this.

Maybe the roommate will do your kid a favor when she needs it.

[Anonymous]

I'd give it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grad school apartment mate did something analogously selfish on our first encounter. I rolled with it, and she turned out to be a great friend— although I still look back on the initial incident and think she was wrong. So it doesn’t have to mean everything else will be bad.

OP please note this. Don’t poison your daughters view of the person she’s going to be sharing a room with. You really don’t know what she’s like based on this email.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

Sharing an apartment is not the same as sharing a room.

And when she gets married?

+1

Most people choose their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

Consider them that roommate may have Asperger’s or OCD. Be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

Oh wow. Yeah I am so on your team. I don’t consider myself a pushover but I do believe in picking battles. I hope everything goes well for her.

[Anonymous]

OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

That’s great!