New roommate emails to request they be given the desk and bed by the window. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

Some schools let you buy out the other half of a double for a higher price, often twice the rate you'd pay with a roommate. Others have honors dorms set up as four-person suites with individual bedrooms and a common room. Alabama comes to mind.

But gat dang, assuming she goes to a school that allows students to live off campus as a sophomore and up, it's one frigg'n year — and that year is crucial to finding your niche and establishing yourself as part of the campus scene. Is sharing a room for a year that terrifying for your kid that she'd rather be a loser living at home in her childhood bedroom and not having a life on campus than just learn to deal with the temporary inconvenience?

She wouldn't consider herself a "loser" for living in her home bedroom in college, in spite of you considering her as such. Yes, she likes being with her parents and dog and comforts of home *that* much. She's only 13+ and has grown comfortable with being at home in a pandemic; maybe her thoughts will change when life returns to "normal." Or maybe not.

But yes, that's the argument we would present..."it's just for a year, then you could move off campus and you'd have your own room."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

Sharing an apartment is not the same as sharing a room.

And when she gets married?

Sharing a room with a stranger is not the same as sharing a room with your partner for life. Though she has said that she plans to never marry. Not all 13 year old girls are busy planning their weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that this girl is pretty self focused. It is just not a great way to begin a room mate relationship. Yes I see that she had that bed last semester but that roommate left. It is a new start.

I would not reply for a while. My reply might include something about waiting to hear on my single.

In the end it will probably be fine.

Really, so if the current resident hadn't had to remove all of his or her stuff, you think the new roommate could have come in and said, "It's a new start, let's flip for your bed!"? Of course not, that's ridiculous. I don't see why this situation should play out any differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that this girl is pretty self focused. It is just not a great way to begin a room mate relationship. Yes I see that she had that bed last semester but that roommate left. It is a new start.

I would not reply for a while. My reply might include something about waiting to hear on my single.

In the end it will probably be fine.

Really, so if the current resident hadn't had to remove all of his or her stuff, you think the new roommate could have come in and said, "It's a new start, let's flip for your bed!"? Of course not, that's ridiculous. I don't see why this situation should play out any differently.

Yeah I mean there is really zero reason for this to be an argument.

[Anonymous]

If this were a normal year and your daughter were moving into a room someone already occupied the previous semester, don't think anyone would think it was selfish or weird for the other girl to keep all her stuff where it was.

Maybe she could have phrased it better - "welcome! looking forward to meeting you" but I don't think her request to keep her bed by the window is terribly out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that this girl is pretty self focused. It is just not a great way to begin a room mate relationship. Yes I see that she had that bed last semester but that roommate left. It is a new start.

I would not reply for a while. My reply might include something about waiting to hear on my single.

In the end it will probably be fine.

Really, so if the current resident hadn't had to remove all of his or her stuff, you think the new roommate could have come in and said, "It's a new start, let's flip for your bed!"? Of course not, that's ridiculous. I don't see why this situation should play out any differently.

Really? I remember my freshman year in college, my rooming group had a situation where there were some rooming options that was clearly superior to the rest (it was a suite with not enough single bedrooms for all -- some would get a single, others would have to double up). We didn't do it by "first dibs" and have that be the way all year -- in fact, the only argument not to change is that it's not worth it to move. We switched at semesters. That seems fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say “sure no problem.” I would be a little annoyed but giving up the bed I want is not as bad as starting off in the wrong foot with somebody I have to live with. And it’s not a crazy request.

+1 Nothing to go to war over, and mommy needs to butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would likely annoy both my child and me. Why should one person get to make unilateral decisions when there is a roommate? I agree with the flip for it idea.

They're not making a unilateral decision. They are making a request. Some people don't care about the window. I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's the same room, and the person was there last semester, I think it's not so unreasonable although poorly worded. I would roll with it and hope for the best. Getting along with a difficult roommate is a pain but it is good to do it at least once, and a Spring semester seems like an ideal time honestly. That way it's not a whole year.

+1

I agree.

But before you share your opinion, ask your child how they feel/think this should be handled.

You will (should) not be there during the semester to broker their arrangements. Your child will have to manage this relationship going forward, so let them set the tone they are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

First of all, your kid should be doing this.

Second of all, that kid was already there so they claimed the spot. That's how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that this girl is pretty self focused. It is just not a great way to begin a room mate relationship. Yes I see that she had that bed last semester but that roommate left. It is a new start.

I would not reply for a while. My reply might include something about waiting to hear on my single.

In the end it will probably be fine.

Really, so if the current resident hadn't had to remove all of his or her stuff, you think the new roommate could have come in and said, "It's a new start, let's flip for your bed!"? Of course not, that's ridiculous. I don't see why this situation should play out any differently.

Really? I remember my freshman year in college, my rooming group had a situation where there were some rooming options that was clearly superior to the rest (it was a suite with not enough single bedrooms for all -- some would get a single, others would have to double up). We didn't do it by "first dibs" and have that be the way all year -- in fact, the only argument not to change is that it's not worth it to move. We switched at semesters. That seems fair.

We did that too but that's totally different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Flip you for it.”

+1

+2 Not fair to declare dibs when you are paying equal amounts.

[Anonymous]

That seems like a selfish request to "call" the window area. This roommate sounds entitled or socially inept.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn’t be a bad time for your DC to note a preference for a quiet in the room after 10 pm, or an incense-free room, or other such tidbit.

It’s about establishing boundaries. We have a neighbor who would encroach big time if we let her. Over the past several years she has asked for such things as being able to have her party guests park on our driveway and lawn; to have her guest stay in our carriage house (for free) for two months and to have an adopted pit bull live in our yard. Early on, I donated a sizable amount to her PAC and the following year she asked for 6x that amount and seemed put out when we wouldn’t agree. Suffice it to say that, since we have to live with her next to us, we balance out what we agree to with what we get from her. We agree to very little and always balance it with requesting something reasonable in conjunction with the “give.” Wish it didn’t have to be this way, but with “takers” you have to set firm boundaries so that things don’t get out of control.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised so many are against rooming together. I was in a triple and loved it! I'm an only child who always had my own bedroom and bath, but I thought it was an adventure. We also had a hall bath for the floor. I liked getting ready in there with all the girls. I'm 32 and I know things are changing though.