Dating a Red Piller

[Anonymous]

Men: "I didn't have a strong father figure"

Also men: "Avoid women with daddy issues!"

What we're seeing here is that men have daddy issues too, but they expect to be accepted for something they wouldn't accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

think a lot of young men read this stuff but a much smaller percentage are hardcore.

I’d always been friend zoned by women and always the reliable guy they could lean on and tell me about their breakups. In reading on how I could up my game I stumbled on this red pill stuff and, while I still have the same high level of respect for women, my approach is entirely different.

For example, I play the field more with women rather than ditching them all when one woman acts like she likes me. I’d been burned on that before when we break up and I’ve burned bridges.

Also, I don’t engage in chatty text messages, I let my intention be known in a nice way. I set a date and make the date. I don’t emote all of my feelings. I no longer text chat all day while I’m working. If I feel I’m not appreciated I don’t keep giving of myself. I used to be the guy several beautiful women would ask to move their furniture after they got railed by some guy who wasn’t in my opinion as good as me.

In other words reading this stuff has made me realize my self worth.

I don’t think the people who say dump this guy actually have read the stuff. Or they have only read extreme women hating stuff.

This doesn't sound like red pill. It sounds like establishing your boundaries. when i was dating, I did many of the same things (I'm a woman). Dont fall for someone right away, assume they are dating others, dont engage in stupid endless texting, just meet and either pursue if there's chemistry or nicely end it.

"I used to be the guy several beautiful women would ask to move their furniture after they got railed by some guy who wasn’t in my opinion as good as me" sounds exactly like red pill. "I did favors for women I wanted to sleep with. I wasn't honest about my intentions with them, and I hoped they'd be interested in me even as they clearly were interested in other men instead" would be a normal, healthy way of talking about this.

I am a woman and I was never in the dark about the intentions of the men I asked to move my furniture. It is true I had no intentions to reciprocate but don't say they weren't honest about their intentions. Women know men who move their furniture want to sleep with them.

Some do, some don't. In my early 20s, I thought men who acted like they wanted to be my friend actually wanted to be my friend. After all, I helped both men and women who I didn't want to sleep with move furniture. Talking about women this way is not the same as saying that you don't text all day and that if you want to ask a woman out, you just do it. You can grow a spine without putting down the women you used to want to sleep with.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I had to learn from my unsuccessful dating patterns what it was that I was doing that made me unsuccessful. And that in fact, I was avoiding intimacy by chasing unavailable men. Any guy who is having difficulty dating needs to look inside and figure out why he has put himself in that position. There's always a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks y’all! I have decided to definitely end it. I appreciate the feedback and push in the right direction. I just can’t get over dating someone who would embrace this stuff. I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I think it’s weird to break up with him without asking about it, if everything else is going well. Seems like you care more about appearances than reality. This won’t serve you well in relationships it’s all about the individual.

I don’t think she really liked him if she would simply dump him without asking about it.

Then luckily for you you can't be a woman who has had to deal with guys who have gone from charming to creepy, but many of us have and would do pretty much anything to avoid a repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I had to learn from my unsuccessful dating patterns what it was that I was doing that made me unsuccessful. And that in fact, I was avoiding intimacy by chasing unavailable men. Any guy who is having difficulty dating needs to look inside and figure out why he has put himself in that position. There's always a reason.

So true. Even for 17 year olds. Other people have said they could see this behavior in a 17 year old. Nope. Nope. If they do that at 17, imagine what they’ll be like at 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men: "I didn't have a strong father figure"

Also men: "Avoid women with daddy issues!"

What we're seeing here is that men have daddy issues too, but they expect to be accepted for something they wouldn't accept.

This theme has always been an underpinning in my "family tree" as it pertains to black men/fathers. It is a completely different ball game with our complicated history and the leadership role/building intimacy/self-worth/responsiblity, etc . Its sad and frustrating because many start out with a negative balance. There are a lot of great dads but many just dont know how to be a man because they never saw one. It is frustrating for the black woman. I'm not going to get into discussions that are appropriate within my community. But I have my own experiences of black father(s) and watching my child's father walk their own journey. It isnt easy. But it isnt excusable either. Things still suck, just a little less than before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I had to learn from my unsuccessful dating patterns what it was that I was doing that made me unsuccessful. And that in fact, I was avoiding intimacy by chasing unavailable men. Any guy who is having difficulty dating needs to look inside and figure out why he has put himself in that position. There's always a reason.

+1. This is how I learned years ago I was codependent and could start working to course correct. When you fix faults with yourself you clear the way for a healthier future and healthier relationships. Dating is not difficult. You can always find someone to be with. Having a fulfilling relationship that is healthy with intimacy means you have to bring the same to the table, at a minimum. You don't tolerate any less because you value the work you put in for yourself and wouldn't sabotage that with an unhealthy person. Once you are healthy it is easy to spot the like-minded. Much harder to fake it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I had to learn from my unsuccessful dating patterns what it was that I was doing that made me unsuccessful. And that in fact, I was avoiding intimacy by chasing unavailable men. Any guy who is having difficulty dating needs to look inside and figure out why he has put himself in that position. There's always a reason.

So true. Even for 17 year olds. Other people have said they could see this behavior in a 17 year old. Nope. Nope. If they do that at 17, imagine what they’ll be like at 40.

Or worse, 50 or 60. I have dated older and younger men and it is sad sometimes that there is little difference in mentality or capacity between the two. That is when I started looking inward. Suddenly there was a whole new world. Funny thing is, by the time I got there, I didn't "need" it way I thought I would. Which makes it that much nicer. Everything worth having takes some kind of work, but I think this is an easier path to travel for some than it is for others. Hardships can help or hinder the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks y’all! I have decided to definitely end it. I appreciate the feedback and push in the right direction. I just can’t get over dating someone who would embrace this stuff. I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I think it’s weird to break up with him without asking about it, if everything else is going well. Seems like you care more about appearances than reality. This won’t serve you well in relationships it’s all about the individual.

I don’t think she really liked him if she would simply dump him without asking about it.

Then luckily for you you can't be a woman who has had to deal with guys who have gone from charming to creepy, but many of us have and would do pretty much anything to avoid a repeat.

+a million. Trust your instincts. I don't think there is a good side to any form of misogyny. That is like saying, its okay to be a little racist because you didnt have any self worth around your heritage before but now you recognize how important your cutlutural contributions were. You overlook the hate but keep the bones of the framework. Lol, no. It doesnt work that way. It is a skewed view and a tolerance betcause you can redirect your pain in a way that makes sense. Like a gang mentality for those who feel burned or outcast. It isnt a real fix even if you dont feel as rejected being a part of the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

think a lot of young men read this stuff but a much smaller percentage are hardcore.

I’d always been friend zoned by women and always the reliable guy they could lean on and tell me about their breakups. In reading on how I could up my game I stumbled on this red pill stuff and, while I still have the same high level of respect for women, my approach is entirely different.

For example, I play the field more with women rather than ditching them all when one woman acts like she likes me. I’d been burned on that before when we break up and I’ve burned bridges.

Also, I don’t engage in chatty text messages, I let my intention be known in a nice way. I set a date and make the date. I don’t emote all of my feelings. I no longer text chat all day while I’m working. If I feel I’m not appreciated I don’t keep giving of myself. I used to be the guy several beautiful women would ask to move their furniture after they got railed by some guy who wasn’t in my opinion as good as me.

In other words reading this stuff has made me realize my self worth.

I don’t think the people who say dump this guy actually have read the stuff. Or they have only read extreme women hating stuff.

This doesn't sound like red pill. It sounds like establishing your boundaries. when i was dating, I did many of the same things (I'm a woman). Dont fall for someone right away, assume they are dating others, dont engage in stupid endless texting, just meet and either pursue if there's chemistry or nicely end it.

"I used to be the guy several beautiful women would ask to move their furniture after they got railed by some guy who wasn’t in my opinion as good as me" sounds exactly like red pill. "I did favors for women I wanted to sleep with. I wasn't honest about my intentions with them, and I hoped they'd be interested in me even as they clearly were interested in other men instead" would be a normal, healthy way of talking about this.

+1 There is nothing more insufferable than men who complain about being “friend zoned.” Women do not owe you shit. Not their attention, not their affection, not sex, nothing. If you don’t make your intentions clear, you cannot complain that women don’t read your mind or see you for who you REALLY are or whatever. Grow up and communicate like an adult.

It's as if they think women never go through the same things. Women get friend zoned all the time. Women get used by men all the time. For decades the Judge Judy show was all about women who got ripped off by guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I'd just like to echo that what you read about it represents the extreme side of things, which doesn't represent the majority of people who read and take advice from it. There are generations of boys growing up without strong father figures or older brothers teaching them how to operate in the world. They have grown up in front of computers and do not know what it means to be a man.

It's impossible to explain this to women in a way that they can understand so I won't go further. We don't hate women. For myself, I never knew how to be a man based on my upbringing. Now I do and am happy.

Female here. This is a very good post. I think a lot of women don’t like this ‘red pill’ stuff because it exposes their really toxic behaviors and teaches men how not to be used by women

[Anonymous]

Actions speak louder than words. Judge people by what they do.

If you see who I follow on Twitter, it includes some "red pill" people. I'm not a believer -- it's for fun to see what they say, and occasionally I troll their message boards if I've had a few drinks and want to set them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just like anything, there are varying degrees of what people take out of any ideology.

I am a man who frequents the redpill subreddit. I found it after a particularly harsh breakup and it opened my eyes into what I was doing wrong with women. Not having a strong father figure, I learned how to deal with women from romantic comedies, Disney movies, and love songs. And that's how I did things, which is not how the world works.

Since stumbling upon this, I am more successful with women and just overall happier. Ignore the extreme edges of the ideology and focus on its core tenants. Which I won't get into here.

OP here. Thank you for chiming in. One of the issues for me is that the ideology paints all women as the same and wanting the same thing. I think that is far from true. By thinking that way you strip a woman of her voice and ability to community her preferences.

For instance, with respect to the guy I’m dating there are two things I’ve notice he does after learning more about red pill mgtow stuff, that the philosophies advocate. I dislike both those things. They definitely don’t make me more attracted to him, they are annoying actually. But I had been tolerating them because there are a lot of other things about his personality I do like.

Tell us what those things he did were! I'm so curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I'd just like to echo that what you read about it represents the extreme side of things, which doesn't represent the majority of people who read and take advice from it. There are generations of boys growing up without strong father figures or older brothers teaching them how to operate in the world. They have grown up in front of computers and do not know what it means to be a man.

It's impossible to explain this to women in a way that they can understand so I won't go further. We don't hate women. For myself, I never knew how to be a man based on my upbringing. Now I do and am happy.

Female here. This is a very good post. I think a lot of women don’t like this ‘red pill’ stuff because it exposes their really toxic behaviors and teaches men how not to be used by women

People are awful to each other in all kinds of ways all the time. Every combination of genders. If you think women are uniquely awful it's only because you've never dated men. Are there behaviors that are more common? Sure. For instance, a guy is more likely to murder you, but they certainly don't have a monopoly on it. No one is saying "oh gosh, women are never terrible to men, and men should never advocate for themselves." It's the specific tropes of redpill that are dehumanizing and make men who are already not very self-aware even less self-aware. I was in an abusive relationship where I was scared of him afterward, and I didn't come out of that generalizing about men, I did a lot of work exploring my own role in it and how to make better choices. But some guy does favors for his hot female friends who he thinks he's entitled to sleep with, and that's some kind of justification for hating women? No, eff that.

[Anonymous]

We can now thank OP for proving that red pill indeed IS a successful dating strategy.