Dating a Red Piller

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

The issue here is not that women are lying about what they want - people can want those characteristics, but if you're not attracted to someone, you're not. And there's no magic formula to guarantee an attraction, for men or for women.

But here's the real issue: if you're cultivating these characteristics SOLELY BECAUSE you think it'll get you laid, that's 1) extremely obvious and 2) ENORMOUSLY offputting. Men who treat kindness, respect and communication like a coin they put in a vending machine and out comes sex -- ugh, I don't care how hot or rich you are. I will not want to f*ck you.

There's no magic formula, but there are things you can do to be more attractive in general if you're a man or a woman. If you find out that a guy improved his wardrobe, lost some weight, and took better pictures for his dating profile, are you really going to find that off-putting? Or if he did an improv class to be more confident and funnier? You for sure shouldn't be entitled about it, but trying to be more attractive is not a bad thing.

No, not precisely, but this is where it gets tricky because it's a gray area in a world where Red Pillers want black and white answers. Working on looking better or being more confident are not bad things, but it's a turn-off when someone does it -- as PP said -- solely to improve their dating life.

Like, ever hear of "trying too hard?" Doesn't that phrase basically mean, "yes, you're doing the thing that you should be doing, but you're going so overboard and with such bad judgment and balance about it that you're actually making things worse than they were."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

Guys who focus on those things do just fine.
Extroverted, well spoken men with high earning jobs and a lot of female friends that they treat as equals do just fine.
I can’t think of one man like this who can’t find a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

Guys who focus on those things do just fine.
Extroverted, well spoken men with high earning jobs and a lot of female friends that they treat as equals do just fine.
I can’t think of one man like this who can’t find a date.

Extroverted rich men do pretty much just as well with short-term hookups. So, if you're just looking for sex, the "female friends" and "treat as equals" elements are maybe distractions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

Guys who focus on those things do just fine.
Extroverted, well spoken men with high earning jobs and a lot of female friends that they treat as equals do just fine.
I can’t think of one man like this who can’t find a date.

Extroverted rich men do pretty much just as well with short-term hookups. So, if you're just looking for sex, the "female friends" and "treat as equals" elements are maybe distractions.

Ok. But some of these responses are about long term relationships. No one wants to be with someone who is vulnerable or trying to meet their emotional needs on a first date. Most people take months before they feel that they know someone well enough to trust them to be vulnerable or to be able to recognize their emotional needs. If you feel that you can do that within moments, then you are likely schizophrenic. If you can feel you can do this after 2-3 dates, then you are probably a narcissist/borderline depending on your gender. And if you feel like the other person is completely opaque, and you can never do this, then you are on the spectrum.

And those people who see others as real people, like themselves, and not as a means to an end have happier marriages, easier, better adjusted children, and more sex when married.

Marriage is where the caring, vulnerability, and meeting emotional needs comes in. Not casual hook-ups.

[Anonymous]

>>And those people who see others as real people, like themselves, and not as a means to an end have happier marriages, easier, better adjusted children, and more sex when married.<<

I think we see plenty of evidence on this board that marriage is not recipe for lots of sex -- even where both spouses are good people who treat each other reasonably well. There are plenty of good reasons for marriage, but as an institution, it's pretty hit and miss where sex is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:>>And those people who see others as real people, like themselves, and not as a means to an end have happier marriages, easier, better adjusted children, and more sex when married.<<

I think we see plenty of evidence on this board that marriage is not recipe for lots of sex -- even where both spouses are good people who treat each other reasonably well. There are plenty of good reasons for marriage, but as an institution, it's pretty hit and miss where sex is concerned.

I actually haven’t seen that. I have seen posts where people have a lot of resentment and animosity toward a spouse and aren’t having sex anymore.

I have yet to see a post where someone is able to accurately explain their spouse’s point of view, considers it equal to their own, and then goes on to say that they aren’t having sex anymore. Typically the entire thread is people speculating on reasons the OP and their spouse aren’t having sex because the OP is so wrapped up in themselves that they have no idea what their partner is thinking and don’t really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

I don’t know if they do extremely well or not. I do know that acting like women are some kind of prize to be earned, or trying to act like someone you aren’t, is a recipe for unhappiness.

VERY few men are just "born" naturally attractive to women. Most men need to work on it and improve in one area or another. Call that inauthentic if you want, or call it basic maturation and self improvement.
So ASSUMING a man isn't just naturally attractive, his first step would be understanding what's important for dating. Successful men will focus on the specific things that sexually attract women, and NOT focus on the things that women say they want (which add nothing to his attractiveness).

ugh you’re so gross dude. just act like a normal human and try to live a meaningful and happy life, and you’ll find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

what does “do well” mean to you? if you mean gray-rape hookups where you never give a girl an orgasm, maybe RedPill will work. If you want a relationship, being kind, communicative, perceptive, will get you a long way.

...but not as far as being those things, plus confident, attractive, and good in bed. You think people don't value those things in their spouses, too?

I mean yes, you should take care of yourself, dress appropriately, get your anxiety disorder treated, and be an attentive lover. None of this stuff is “red pill” ie a secret key to getting laid that women were evilly deceiving you about. in fact they apply to any gender/sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

what does “do well” mean to you? if you mean gray-rape hookups where you never give a girl an orgasm, maybe RedPill will work. If you want a relationship, being kind, communicative, perceptive, will get you a long way.

...but not as far as being those things, plus confident, attractive, and good in bed. You think people don't value those things in their spouses, too?

I mean yes, you should take care of yourself, dress appropriately, get your anxiety disorder treated, and be an attentive lover. None of this stuff is “red pill” ie a secret key to getting laid that women were evilly deceiving you about. in fact they apply to any gender/sexual orientation.

For sure! Up with gender neutral self improvement, down with red pill.

[Anonymous]

Well it looks like this thread, if nothing else, has left us with some great examples of what creepshows red pill guys are!

[Anonymous]

I’m reviving this thread because it’s 4:51 in the morning, I’m bored and I can’t sleep. However, I’d like to focus specifically on the “married red pill” sect of the red pill school of thought. For the last few hours, I’ve been reading up on documented biological differences in sex, personality disorders and differences by sex, and Reddit “married red pill” threads. my wife and I, who have been married for a decade, frequently butt heads, so I like to read psychology today articles and self self adhere to try and improve things.

On married red pill Reddit, I see elements of misogyny enmeshed with self-help . Some of the advice touted by some of these posters, upon a cursory glance is appealing. Obviously, still, it helps to think objectively, and take this stuff with a grain of sand. Or at least the most sexist, low brow elements of it.

My wife and I argue, for myriad reasons. I can be obstinate and difficult. However, I can’t help but feel, due to general biological differences, attributed to hormones and brain chemistry that these sex differences cause huge arguments. on the whole, studies show that women are more emotionally driven than men and that women’s decision making is generally more informed by feeling. It’s just how, generally, based on historical scientific evidence states y’all are wired. Men, on the whole, are less about forming bonds and connections than women and prefer tangible, outcome based solutions to arguments and problems. I see this emotion/feeling driven thought pattern creep up with my wife when we have to make important financial decisions, which require detached logic.

Also, men aren’t as emotionally erratic or flighty as women because we don’t have menstrual cycles.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5iyt6v/hormones_the_chemical_puppet_master/

Anyway, my hands are tired of typing on a phone. Tldr there is some interesting advice.

[Anonymous]

^^^wait wait. Are you saying that people who have less power in society see social binds and connections as being more important to their livelihood?
Haven’t feminists been saying this forty years?

Also, I am not sure what this has to do with menstrual cycles. Poor and minority men seem to place a similar importance on social connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

Guys who focus on those things do just fine.
Extroverted, well spoken men with high earning jobs and a lot of female friends that they treat as equals do just fine.
I can’t think of one man like this who can’t find a date.

Let's see, I'm an extroverted, well-spoken, in-shape, PhD-educated, professionally-employed, tall, middle-aged man. Why in the world would I want female friends to "treat as equals"? If I have any female friends, they are FWBs, otherwise I find female friends a pain in the ass whose friendship is never equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's not going to get these guys laid. They see Chad Thundercock running around with hotties even though he's none of the things women say they want. He's not sensitive or respectful, he doesn't have a good sense of humor, and he only treats other people well when he wants something. He's rich and has muscles and acts like he could take or leave any given woman. These redpillers have heard what a shitty guy he is when their friends who are women cry about how he never calls but they wish he would. That's a caricature, obviously, but it's the kind of dynamic redpillers are thinking about when they complain that women aren't honest about what they really want in a sex partner.

Lift weights, be kind, have stuff going on in your life that you enjoy and derive meaning from, cultivate friendships, learn to flirt, work on your skills in bed, and be honest about what you're looking for, even if it's casual. You will do great, and you will get to be a good person. Everyone wins.

I mean, it's definitely not too complicated or unhealthy when you get down to the fundamentals. Work on yourself to where you are happy with yourself and your life and don't need another person for validation. At that point, you're very likely to attract a person that will make that good life better. (And, if you don't, it won't bother you that much.) What trips people up is when they don't like themselves very much and they blame others for their discontent -- whining about the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Ignore most of what "women say they want". That is the lie.
Instead, focus on what are the "guys who are successful with women" doing. Be more like them, because that is the truth.

Really? It's a lie when women say "I like confident, attractive guys?" Because tons of women will tell you that. It's not a secret. Many will add in "tall, high-earning, and great in bed", if they don't think you're going to judge them for that. You think guys with those attributes don't do extremely well?

No lie there! I like your answer, those are exactly the things RedPill says to work on 100%. Men who focus on those things WILL do well.

But when asked "what do you want in a man" (<-- google that Q) women ignore all that and instead the answer is stuff like "good provider; good communicator; vulnerable; meets my emotional needs; treats me like an equal; caring at heart". Men who focus on THESE things will not do well.

Guys who focus on those things do just fine.
Extroverted, well spoken men with high earning jobs and a lot of female friends that they treat as equals do just fine.
I can’t think of one man like this who can’t find a date.

Let's see, I'm an extroverted, well-spoken, in-shape, PhD-educated, professionally-employed, tall, middle-aged man. Why in the world would I want female friends to "treat as equals"? If I have any female friends, they are FWBs, otherwise I find female friends a pain in the ass whose friendship is never equal.

I really hope you’re in a committed relationship. I mean, sympathy to her, but it would save all the other women out there.

Every time I open up one of these threads I am reminded of how extremely fortunate I am to be a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m reviving this thread because it’s 4:51 in the morning, I’m bored and I can’t sleep. However, I’d like to focus specifically on the “married red pill” sect of the red pill school of thought. For the last few hours, I’ve been reading up on documented biological differences in sex, personality disorders and differences by sex, and Reddit “married red pill” threads. my wife and I, who have been married for a decade, frequently butt heads, so I like to read psychology today articles and self self adhere to try and improve things.

On married red pill Reddit, I see elements of misogyny enmeshed with self-help . Some of the advice touted by some of these posters, upon a cursory glance is appealing. Obviously, still, it helps to think objectively, and take this stuff with a grain of sand. Or at least the most sexist, low brow elements of it.

My wife and I argue, for myriad reasons. I can be obstinate and difficult. However, I can’t help but feel, due to general biological differences, attributed to hormones and brain chemistry that these sex differences cause huge arguments. on the whole, studies show that women are more emotionally driven than men and that women’s decision making is generally more informed by feeling. It’s just how, generally, based on historical scientific evidence states y’all are wired. Men, on the whole, are less about forming bonds and connections than women and prefer tangible, outcome based solutions to arguments and problems. I see this emotion/feeling driven thought pattern creep up with my wife when we have to make important financial decisions, which require detached logic.

Also, men aren’t as emotionally erratic or flighty as women because we don’t have menstrual cycles.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5iyt6v/hormones_the_chemical_puppet_master/

Anyway, my hands are tired of typing on a phone. Tldr there is some interesting advice.

Dude. Emotions matter just as much as logic. Think of children who grow up in clinical settings where they are fed and changed, but never cuddled or loved on. Many of them die. You need to feed and change your baby AND you need to love it. Or think of the last car you bought. You want to love the car emotionally AND make a logical decision on what car to buy. If you never considered your emotions when making a decision, your life would be devoid of meaning.

The reason you are having problems in your marriage isn’t that you don’t understand your wife. The problem s that you don’t think your wife’s opinions matter very much, or at least not as much as yours do. And you aren’t searching the web to find out more about how she thinks. You are looking for someone to validate your perspective. That way you don’t have to change, and you can sleep.