Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

My husband told his girlfriend our marriage was platonic. We were still having regular sex. They would disparage this completely fictional version of me together. Weird hobby.

Years ago I knew a woman who was seeing a married man for over 5 years. He told her the marriage was completely platonic and had been for several years before they even met, but he couldn't leave because of their child. And then she accidentally ran into his wife in town - in addition to the aforementioned eldest child, the lady was heavily pregnant and toting around a toddler. So much for platonic. Is it really that shocking that a guy who lies to his wife will also lie to his girlfriend?

This is actually the norm. Or most cheaters will claim they are "roommates"..lol You have to be pretty low to go with a married person, or be a cheater.

Five years is a long time to finally figure out you've been nothing but toilet paper the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

This! I'm surprised how almost all the posts on this thread assume that when a man ends up with his mistress, it's because he left his wife for her. A lot of times, the wife finds out, leaves her husband, and he ends up with the mistress by default.

That's what I did. He wanted to keep seeing the mistress while he "figured things out" but was absolutely stunned when I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Somehow he thought he could just continue to have both, forever. To this day, I think he would admit he hadn't given any thought to what would happen when I found out but he says he wasn't looking for a divorce. He got one.

I do know someone who actually left the wife and stayed with the mistress. It's been about 7-8 years now.

But has he married the mistress? Nope. He's enjoying all the benefits of the relationship without making any sort of real commitment. He is well off and nothing is in her name. She's not getting any younger. Maybe they'll prove us all wrong and go the distance, but I wouldn't want to be in her situation...

This is common. The wife finds out and kicks the husband out. Husband lives with the mistress while figuring out his next step. Then he either goes back to the wife if she'll have him, dates but won't marry the mistress, or moves on and marries someone else. I see those scenarios a lot more than marries the mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced because my ex dh couldn't keep it in his pants and I found out about it. He was content to have his girlfriend on the side but stay married to me and enjoy all of the conveniences of being married with a family. However, that arrangement didn't work for me and he was free to go have a life with his girlfriend. He is her problem now.

Yep I have a in-law that did this. The wife divorced him and he is still with the AP, but never married her. He tried to go back with the wife over the years, and his kids don't have the best relationship with him. It's actually kind of sad because the AP knows she wasted many years to still be in last place. They have everything separate, and she told me if he gets sick she's calling his kids. It's just a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really bad argument especially right now. The current President of the United States and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom both married their mistresses.

If the Queen dies in the next year, the current King of Great Britain will be added to that list.

Marla was the mistress who trapped Trump by getting pregnant and publically forcing the issue. Since Ivana did not have a prenup she did not lose out financially. Infact, Tiffany was a bastard child who was born to unwed parents. Donald probably wanted to hedge his bet. Donald disliked Marla and the unwanted kid and finally had no issues in getting rid of her before 2 years were over. Marla Maple was paid 1 million in alimony. If Marla had not happened, Donald would not have married Melania even if he had slept with her and cheated on Ivana. And he has always gone for all types of sex workers and in fact slept with Stormi when Melania was pregnant, so Melania was not something speacial. Melania got lucky because Donald holds a grudge and wanted to discard Marla for trapping him. Without Marla, Melania was another B-grade older escort/model type of woman whose pu$$y he grabbed. But no need to feel bad for Melania. She is in a better positon than the rest of America for having this POS as the POTUS.

Yup.

That is a word vomit. You should have written it out as 1st - 4th wife and mistress #2, #3 etc. Can't make heads or tails of it without a flowchart.

Well, Donald is basically a whoremonger. His life is all about sex workers and cheating. No need to keep it straight. His wives are as disposable to him as used TP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced because my ex dh couldn't keep it in his pants and I found out about it. He was content to have his girlfriend on the side but stay married to me and enjoy all of the conveniences of being married with a family. However, that arrangement didn't work for me and he was free to go have a life with his girlfriend. He is her problem now.

This is it! Be strong about what's best for you and move forward with that it mind and not have rose colored glasses about the cheater (will they/won't they cheat in the future).

I assume that you have a job/career and so probably didn't have to worry as much about financials. I think it really does come down to a wife being confident of her financial prospects (job/career) in making the decision to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

Aren’t they engaged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several men who left their wives for their mistresses. I work with at least 3 of them who did so and know about 4 more.

Classy bunch of people you're surrounding yourself with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know several men who left their wives for their mistresses. I work with at least 3 of them who did so and know about 4 more.

Classy bunch of people you're surrounding yourself with.

Welcome to finance. The funny thing is not a single woman I work with have done the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know several men who left their wives for their mistresses. I work with at least 3 of them who did so and know about 4 more.

Classy bunch of people you're surrounding yourself with.

Welcome to finance. The funny thing is not a single woman I work with have done the same.

I also work in finance and it is very common amongst men earning a lot of money. I guess they can more easily afford to start a second family. Highly paid women in same roles tend to have the stronger families. Perhaps appreciate their spouses more when there is a role reversal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes they are acting out their own childhood pain and may not even be conscious of it.

This.

My husband’s therapist, the mistress and his friends he never said bad word about me in the 24 years we’ve been together. He was highly complimentary of me—looks, personality, career, education and as a mother and friend. In fact, mistress said she was jealous of me because he never said he was unhappy with me and I am much prettier with a rewarding career. He always has said he will never find anyone better than me. He crushed AP because he never loved her. He picked somebody old, not very attractive and with zero career. She had as f@cked up a childhood as his.

We were still having sex 3-4 times per week while he carried out this years long affair.

His dad was an abusive alcoholic that repeatedly cheated on his mother and terrorized the family.

The issues came out in middle age and manifested this way. He has 2 therapist now and becoming involved in faith—was never baptized.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know several men who left their wives for their mistresses. I work with at least 3 of them who did so and know about 4 more.

Classy bunch of people you're surrounding yourself with.

Welcome to finance. The funny thing is not a single woman I work with have done the same.

I also work in finance and it is very common amongst men earning a lot of money. I guess they can more easily afford to start a second family. Highly paid women in same roles tend to have the stronger families. Perhaps appreciate their spouses more when there is a role reversal.

+1. I don't see this a ton in my personal life with friends, but I am also in finance and see it with male colleagues routinely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes they are acting out their own childhood pain and may not even be conscious of it.

This.

My husband’s therapist, the mistress and his friends he never said bad word about me in the 24 years we’ve been together. He was highly complimentary of me—looks, personality, career, education and as a mother and friend. In fact, mistress said she was jealous of me because he never said he was unhappy with me and I am much prettier with a rewarding career. He always has said he will never find anyone better than me. He crushed AP because he never loved her. He picked somebody old, not very attractive and with zero career. She had as f@cked up a childhood as his.

We were still having sex 3-4 times per week while he carried out this years long affair.

His dad was an abusive alcoholic that repeatedly cheated on his mother and terrorized the family.

The issues came out in middle age and manifested this way. He has 2 therapist now and becoming involved in faith—was never baptized.

Lol!

He sounds like a peach. I assume she's done the math and doesn't want to take the financial hit. Divorce divided by 2 is bad no matter what bracket you're in. I would cross my fingers and pray for a banana peel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced because my ex dh couldn't keep it in his pants and I found out about it. He was content to have his girlfriend on the side but stay married to me and enjoy all of the conveniences of being married with a family. However, that arrangement didn't work for me and he was free to go have a life with his girlfriend. He is her problem now.

Yep I have a in-law that did this. The wife divorced him and he is still with the AP, but never married her. He tried to go back with the wife over the years, and his kids don't have the best relationship with him. It's actually kind of sad because the AP knows she wasted many years to still be in last place. They have everything separate, and she told me if he gets sick she's calling his kids. It's just a mess.

Yep. They were never #1. Women that make it a life choice to go after men already in relationships are f@cked up. Men are just as bad, but it takes a special mind of zero self-esteem whore who builds her ego by screwing guys in committed relationships. They’ve usually been that way since high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced because my ex dh couldn't keep it in his pants and I found out about it. He was content to have his girlfriend on the side but stay married to me and enjoy all of the conveniences of being married with a family. However, that arrangement didn't work for me and he was free to go have a life with his girlfriend. He is her problem now.

Yep I have a in-law that did this. The wife divorced him and he is still with the AP, but never married her. He tried to go back with the wife over the years, and his kids don't have the best relationship with him. It's actually kind of sad because the AP knows she wasted many years to still be in last place. They have everything separate, and she told me if he gets sick she's calling his kids. It's just a mess.

Yep. They were never #1. Women that make it a life choice to go after men already in relationships are f@cked up. Men are just as bad, but it takes a special mind of zero self-esteem whore who builds her ego by screwing guys in committed relationships. They’ve usually been that way since high school.

Wow, you sure do hate women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of mistresses don’t care if he leaves his wife or not.

Agreed. They may have their own spouse they don't want to leave.