Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of mistresses don’t care if he leaves his wife or not.

Some but not most. They want the lifestyle of the wife and are usually very jealous. The married man uses them like TP, until he either break it off, or she gets a little wiser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes they are acting out their own childhood pain and may not even be conscious of it.

This.

My husband’s therapist, the mistress and his friends he never said bad word about me in the 24 years we’ve been together. He was highly complimentary of me—looks, personality, career, education and as a mother and friend. In fact, mistress said she was jealous of me because he never said he was unhappy with me and I am much prettier with a rewarding career. He always has said he will never find anyone better than me. He crushed AP because he never loved her. He picked somebody old, not very attractive and with zero career. She had as f@cked up a childhood as his.

We were still having sex 3-4 times per week while he carried out this years long affair.

His dad was an abusive alcoholic that repeatedly cheated on his mother and terrorized the family.

The issues came out in middle age and manifested this way. He has 2 therapist now and becoming involved in faith—was never baptized.

yuck I assume at this point you are trying to keep the fiances together and family?

Most APs are lowly mainly because they have to resort to finding married men out of desperation. Zero self worth right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of mistresses don’t care if he leaves his wife or not.

Some but not most. They want the lifestyle of the wife and are usually very jealous. The married man uses them like TP, until he either break it off, or she gets a little wiser.

+1

[Anonymous]

Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

You're friend is awful, I'd probably dump her because she's hurting an entire family. So is the DH.

I would anon send his wife the info. best thing for all imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

This! I'm surprised how almost all the posts on this thread assume that when a man ends up with his mistress, it's because he left his wife for her. A lot of times, the wife finds out, leaves her husband, and he ends up with the mistress by default.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

My husband told his girlfriend our marriage was platonic. We were still having regular sex. They would disparage this completely fictional version of me together. Weird hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

You're friend is awful, I'd probably dump her because she's hurting an entire family. So is the DH.

I would anon send his wife the info. best thing for all imo.

I am in no way supportive of the situation, she knows I think it's very wrong and she agrees that she's in the wrong. But no, I'm not dumping my best friend since middle school, and I'm certainly not putting the well-being of a complete stranger's family ahead of someone I consider to be MY family. I just continue to point out the fact that she is making a mistake and hope that she finds the willpower to do the right thing and cut things off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes they are acting out their own childhood pain and may not even be conscious of it.

This.

Most APs are lowly mainly because they have to resort to finding married men out of desperation. Zero self worth right there.

Oh really? Based on your extension research? What a load of bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My best friend is in the same situation, OP. Has been for over a year. It's so frustrating because it's clear as day to me that this guy doesn't respect or value her, and has zero intent to leave his wife. But he spouts all the cliche "my wife is awful, she doesn't understand me like you do, she is frigid, etc." crap and does just enough sweet things to keep my friend reeled in.

But who is the one sleeping alone, spending holidays alone, waiting around for him to call and be available to spend time together? Not that "awful" wife.

My husband told his girlfriend our marriage was platonic. We were still having regular sex. They would disparage this completely fictional version of me together. Weird hobby.

Years ago I knew a woman who was seeing a married man for over 5 years. He told her the marriage was completely platonic and had been for several years before they even met, but he couldn't leave because of their child. And then she accidentally ran into his wife in town - in addition to the aforementioned eldest child, the lady was heavily pregnant and toting around a toddler. So much for platonic. Is it really that shocking that a guy who lies to his wife will also lie to his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

This! I'm surprised how almost all the posts on this thread assume that when a man ends up with his mistress, it's because he left his wife for her. A lot of times, the wife finds out, leaves her husband, and he ends up with the mistress by default.

That's what I did. He wanted to keep seeing the mistress while he "figured things out" but was absolutely stunned when I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Somehow he thought he could just continue to have both, forever. To this day, I think he would admit he hadn't given any thought to what would happen when I found out but he says he wasn't looking for a divorce. He got one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello...Bezos did.

No he's not going to marry that joker, lol.

His wife left him otherwise he'd still be with her.

This! I'm surprised how almost all the posts on this thread assume that when a man ends up with his mistress, it's because he left his wife for her. A lot of times, the wife finds out, leaves her husband, and he ends up with the mistress by default.

That's what I did. He wanted to keep seeing the mistress while he "figured things out" but was absolutely stunned when I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Somehow he thought he could just continue to have both, forever. To this day, I think he would admit he hadn't given any thought to what would happen when I found out but he says he wasn't looking for a divorce. He got one.

I do know someone who actually left the wife and stayed with the mistress. It's been about 7-8 years now.

But has he married the mistress? Nope. He's enjoying all the benefits of the relationship without making any sort of real commitment. He is well off and nothing is in her name. She's not getting any younger. Maybe they'll prove us all wrong and go the distance, but I wouldn't want to be in her situation...

[Anonymous]

Divorced because my ex dh couldn't keep it in his pants and I found out about it. He was content to have his girlfriend on the side but stay married to me and enjoy all of the conveniences of being married with a family. However, that arrangement didn't work for me and he was free to go have a life with his girlfriend. He is her problem now.