Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Zero time stolen from anybody. The time for mistress comes from the time that would have been spent in a romantic relationship with wife. But the wife chose to be a room mate (not a partner), and that relationship no longer needs any time for romance. It is a direct swap of time/energy/attention/sex from wife to mistress, the kids are unaffected.

Stupid and selfish - no wonder your wife has no interest in having sex with you. Find out how much your kids care when this all blows up in your face.

Selfish is pretending to want sex, marrying, lose interest, but expecting him to be celibate.
Any kid who actually cares about their parents sex life and hears the whole story will thank their "cheating" father for saving the marriage for as long as he was able to.
The "blow up" event is not his cheating, it is her sexlessness.

Quoted for truth

More than 800 grown children whose parents were unfaithful responded to Nogales’s online Parents Who Cheat survey.

88.4% felt angry toward the cheating parent.
62.5% felt ashamed or embarrassed.
80.2% felt that it influenced their attitudes toward love and relationships.
70.5% said their ability to trust others had been affected.
83% stated that they feel people regularly lie.
86% reported they still believe in monogamy.
By and large, adult children of infidelity know, from experience, the extent to which a family suffers with a parent’s betrayal, and so do not want to follow in their unfaithful parent’s steps. A 2007 survey found 93% respondents rated faithfulness as the single most important component of a successful marriage.

Children feel betrayed when a parent betrays a spouse. While the betrayed parent may not expect anything from the cheating spouse, their child is left with hopeful expectations as well as a host of fears. Children often find themselves in a nightmare that offers few viable options. One option is to accept the unacceptable: that they have been betrayed by their parent, and hope that by doing this they will ensure their parent’s love and attention. Another option is to express their outrage, and in doing so risk being abandoned by a person whose love they so desperately want and need. Whether six, sixteen, or twenty-six years of age at the time of a parent’s infidelity, these children are left with psychological issues that—unresolved—can plague them throughout their life.

Regardless of their age, children whose parents have been unfaithful often react with intense feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, and confusion. They may act out, regress, or withdraw. They may feel pressured to win back the love of the unfaithful parent or to become the caretaker of the betrayed parent. The bottom line is that when parents are role models of infidelity, their children can’t help but react—and they may have a particularly hard time finding their way through the challenging time of dating and marriage.

Loss of trust. When a child learns of a parent’s infidelity, they usually find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to trust that someone they love will not lie to them, reject, or abandon them. They very often learn not to put their faith in love, and may also develop the belief that they are not worthy of receiving monogamous love.

A child may feel as if the cheating parent’s sexual transgression is a black mark against them and the rest of the immediate family.

A child often draws the conclusion that marriage is a sham and love an illusion. Additionally, when parents stay married even while one or both continue having an affair, children are profoundly confused about the meaning of both love and marriage.

Acting out. Rather than confronting sad, angry, or confusing feelings directly, children may exhibit behavioral problems during childhood, sexual acting out during adolescence, and intimacy problems or sexual addiction during adult years. Issues of promiscuity may arise in an attempt to play out what a child perceived from their parents about the casualness of sex and the impermanence of love.

Numerous reports teach when one parent betrays the other, a child’s inner world and sense of the world at large are shattered. The personal environment in which a child lives and from which she draws her sense of safety and security—namely her family—is fundamentally changed because the most important people in that environment have become unrecognizable.

When children learn that the most important people in their world are untrustworthy, their ability to trust others can be seriously impaired. They may be overly suspicious, emotionally distant, or refrain from committing to a relationship because they can’t trust the other person will act honorably and be there for them. Wanting to avoid being hurt in the same way they witnessed a parent being hurt, they may do whatever it takes to protect themselves from being emotionally vulnerable.

I am not a cheater, but this is some real snowflake stuff here. I mean, I guess as a kid when things are black and white it can look surreal but as an adult, I mean c'mon. Cheating is pretty common, and to lose all sense of self because mom got plowed by some strange seems a little over the top.

-child of divorced dad who cheated and is still with AP (whom I can't stand if that matters, the AP not the dad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Zero time stolen from anybody. The time for mistress comes from the time that would have been spent in a romantic relationship with wife. But the wife chose to be a room mate (not a partner), and that relationship no longer needs any time for romance. It is a direct swap of time/energy/attention/sex from wife to mistress, the kids are unaffected.

Stupid and selfish - no wonder your wife has no interest in having sex with you. Find out how much your kids care when this all blows up in your face.

Selfish is pretending to want sex, marrying, lose interest, but expecting him to be celibate.
Any kid who actually cares about their parents sex life and hears the whole story will thank their "cheating" father for saving the marriage for as long as he was able to.
The "blow up" event is not his cheating, it is her sexlessness.

Quoted for truth

More than 800 grown children whose parents were unfaithful responded to Nogales’s online Parents Who Cheat survey.

88.4% felt angry toward the cheating parent.
62.5% felt ashamed or embarrassed.
80.2% felt that it influenced their attitudes toward love and relationships.
70.5% said their ability to trust others had been affected.
83% stated that they feel people regularly lie.
86% reported they still believe in monogamy.
By and large, adult children of infidelity know, from experience, the extent to which a family suffers with a parent’s betrayal, and so do not want to follow in their unfaithful parent’s steps. A 2007 survey found 93% respondents rated faithfulness as the single most important component of a successful marriage.

Children feel betrayed when a parent betrays a spouse. While the betrayed parent may not expect anything from the cheating spouse, their child is left with hopeful expectations as well as a host of fears. Children often find themselves in a nightmare that offers few viable options. One option is to accept the unacceptable: that they have been betrayed by their parent, and hope that by doing this they will ensure their parent’s love and attention. Another option is to express their outrage, and in doing so risk being abandoned by a person whose love they so desperately want and need. Whether six, sixteen, or twenty-six years of age at the time of a parent’s infidelity, these children are left with psychological issues that—unresolved—can plague them throughout their life.

Regardless of their age, children whose parents have been unfaithful often react with intense feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, and confusion. They may act out, regress, or withdraw. They may feel pressured to win back the love of the unfaithful parent or to become the caretaker of the betrayed parent. The bottom line is that when parents are role models of infidelity, their children can’t help but react—and they may have a particularly hard time finding their way through the challenging time of dating and marriage.

Loss of trust. When a child learns of a parent’s infidelity, they usually find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to trust that someone they love will not lie to them, reject, or abandon them. They very often learn not to put their faith in love, and may also develop the belief that they are not worthy of receiving monogamous love.

A child may feel as if the cheating parent’s sexual transgression is a black mark against them and the rest of the immediate family.

A child often draws the conclusion that marriage is a sham and love an illusion. Additionally, when parents stay married even while one or both continue having an affair, children are profoundly confused about the meaning of both love and marriage.

Acting out. Rather than confronting sad, angry, or confusing feelings directly, children may exhibit behavioral problems during childhood, sexual acting out during adolescence, and intimacy problems or sexual addiction during adult years. Issues of promiscuity may arise in an attempt to play out what a child perceived from their parents about the casualness of sex and the impermanence of love.

Numerous reports teach when one parent betrays the other, a child’s inner world and sense of the world at large are shattered. The personal environment in which a child lives and from which she draws her sense of safety and security—namely her family—is fundamentally changed because the most important people in that environment have become unrecognizable.

When children learn that the most important people in their world are untrustworthy, their ability to trust others can be seriously impaired. They may be overly suspicious, emotionally distant, or refrain from committing to a relationship because they can’t trust the other person will act honorably and be there for them. Wanting to avoid being hurt in the same way they witnessed a parent being hurt, they may do whatever it takes to protect themselves from being emotionally vulnerable.

I am not a cheater, but this is some real snowflake stuff here. I mean, I guess as a kid when things are black and white it can look surreal but as an adult, I mean c'mon. Cheating is pretty common, and to lose all sense of self because mom got plowed by some strange seems a little over the top.

-child of divorced dad who cheated and is still with AP (whom I can't stand if that matters, the AP not the dad).

PP is right. I know kids that don't talk to the cheating dad to this day. It's a deep betrayal to the entire family emotionally and economically. I don't know what planet you're on to think it's over the top. My bil left his wife for the AP. His two kids talk but they'll never be close. Their mother is struggling financially and I know he's sorry he left for the AP. He never married her, and is actually giving his ex money. So basically now he's backstabbing the AP who I'm sure is sorry she got involved with him. His kids won't visit him, and he rarely see the grand-kids. Yes it messes up the entire family. My dad left my step mother all the assets. Even a vacation home we had as a kid she now owns. It's a domino effect in many cases.

[Anonymous]

Sophomore year in college, my roommate's dad left her mother. Her brother attended the same University and I knew him very well too. They found out their dad had been having an affair.

They were 19 and 21 and I remember their anguish and hurt. I spent so much time with them during their family ordeal. Neither spoke to their dad for a long time after.

I remember them both saying it hurt almost more now at an older age because they felt their entire childhood had been a lie.

I carried that with me a long time.

These are two very strong people, btw. So the guy poo-poo kids as being babies about it is so messed up in the head.

80% of men that have a father that cheated on their mother eventually cheat on their own wives. Yet 2/3s of marriages are faithful. The majority of that is multi-generational infidelity due to childhood trauma. He says himself his father cheated.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman with two sons that repeatedly cheated on their dad. The boys, now men, lost all respect for her. Barely have a relationship With her today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman with two sons that repeatedly cheated on their dad. The boys, now men, lost all respect for her. Barely have a relationship With her today.

Tough to find out your mother was a whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman with two sons that repeatedly cheated on their dad. The boys, now men, lost all respect for her. Barely have a relationship With her today.

Tough to find out your mother was a whore.

Unlike the men who cheat who are just being men, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman with two sons that repeatedly cheated on their dad. The boys, now men, lost all respect for her. Barely have a relationship With her today.

Tough to find out your mother was a whore.

Unlike the men who cheat who are just being men, right?

Statistically, it is much, much harder for amen to overcome infidelity than women. That’s a fact. When the woman is the cheater it almost always ends in divorce.

And a mother is a child’s everything so, yes, much harder as described by almost every therapist out there.

Fair? Maybe not. But- that’s the way it is.

[Anonymous]

If you want equality as a woman, go get a job/career. Don’t try to get it by f@cking men outside of your marriage while you stay at home and perpetuate a 1950s mentality of the stay at home mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman with two sons that repeatedly cheated on their dad. The boys, now men, lost all respect for her. Barely have a relationship With her today.

Tough to find out your mother was a whore.

Unlike the men who cheat who are just being men, right?

This. Women are whores but for men it's normal. This is so sickening on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sophomore year in college, my roommate's dad left her mother. Her brother attended the same University and I knew him very well too. They found out their dad had been having an affair.

They were 19 and 21 and I remember their anguish and hurt. I spent so much time with them during their family ordeal. Neither spoke to their dad for a long time after.

I remember them both saying it hurt almost more now at an older age because they felt their entire childhood had been a lie.

I carried that with me a long time.

These are two very strong people, btw. So the guy poo-poo kids as being babies about it is so messed up in the head.

80% of men that have a father that cheated on their mother eventually cheat on their own wives. Yet 2/3s of marriages are faithful. The majority of that is multi-generational infidelity due to childhood trauma. He says himself his father cheated.

The impact is multi-generational and because it isn't seen right away, it's easy to think there's no impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want equality as a woman, go get a job/career. Don’t try to get it by f@cking men outside of your marriage while you stay at home and perpetuate a 1950s mentality of the stay at home mother.

+100

The same women crying and whining about glass ceilings and being able to go out and screw indiscriminately like men...sitting at home while their husbands are off at work.

Real sister soldiers right there. Screwing other women's husbands. Solidarity together. #Metoo.

Let's do it for the children, our sons and daughters.

What a crock of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sophomore year in college, my roommate's dad left her mother. Her brother attended the same University and I knew him very well too. They found out their dad had been having an affair.

They were 19 and 21 and I remember their anguish and hurt. I spent so much time with them during their family ordeal. Neither spoke to their dad for a long time after.

I remember them both saying it hurt almost more now at an older age because they felt their entire childhood had been a lie.

I carried that with me a long time.

These are two very strong people, btw. So the guy poo-poo kids as being babies about it is so messed up in the head.

80% of men that have a father that cheated on their mother eventually cheat on their own wives. Yet 2/3s of marriages are faithful. The majority of that is multi-generational infidelity due to childhood trauma. He says himself his father cheated.

The impact is multi-generational and because it isn't seen right away, it's easy to think there's no impact.

Correct. It tends to manifest in these kids in middle age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want equality as a woman, go get a job/career. Don’t try to get it by f@cking men outside of your marriage while you stay at home and perpetuate a 1950s mentality of the stay at home mother.

This.

[Anonymous]

My DH divorced his wife. Our marriage is wonderful. His ex was a hose beast. Children were grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sophomore year in college, my roommate's dad left her mother. Her brother attended the same University and I knew him very well too. They found out their dad had been having an affair.

They were 19 and 21 and I remember their anguish and hurt. I spent so much time with them during their family ordeal. Neither spoke to their dad for a long time after.

I remember them both saying it hurt almost more now at an older age because they felt their entire childhood had been a lie.

I carried that with me a long time.

These are two very strong people, btw. So the guy poo-poo kids as being babies about it is so messed up in the head.

80% of men that have a father that cheated on their mother eventually cheat on their own wives. Yet 2/3s of marriages are faithful. The majority of that is multi-generational infidelity due to childhood trauma. He says himself his father cheated.

The impact is multi-generational and because it isn't seen right away, it's easy to think there's no impact.

Correct. It tends to manifest in these kids in middle age.

Oh please.