When to cut off adult son (26)

[Anonymous]

There's A LOT more to this story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people here that think it's okay for a 26 year old adult to not be able to support himself. At 26, I had a full-time job, an apartment in DC, car payments, paying off student loans, etc. I think I was 24 when my dad took me off their car insurance and told me it was time for me to take care of it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Why'd you stay on your parent's car insurance so long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1500 over 5 years? Seriously, lady? Good lord. It's not like you're covering his rent. I'm with team DH on this. Just try and get a handle on what he's thinking or himself. Goals? Help him see a future.

+1

Agree. Was less than tuition he would have otherwise had you and DH pay.


Sorry if I missed it, but do you work or is the money you've amassed on the back of your husband's job? Just curious where the $300/yr. originated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people here that think it's okay for a 26 year old adult to not be able to support himself. At 26, I had a full-time job, an apartment in DC, car payments, paying off student loans, etc. I think I was 24 when my dad took me off their car insurance and told me it was time for me to take care of it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Why'd you stay on your parent's car insurance so long?

Because they let me! Same with OP's son - he'll keep asking if they keep giving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I ended up becoming a SAHM as child care was more than I earned with a masters degree. My mom was really upset over it even though she was not supporting us in any way nor did she even give us gifts. Just think the path you want to take. Her attitude destroyed our relationship and I don't talk to her anymore and rarely let her see the kids. You aren't supporting him by helping with a few hundred a year. I'd rather live in a homeless shelter and get food stamps than take a dime from my mom as she's like you and would never let me live down borrowing a few hundred (thankfully we have savings so we'd never have to). He is supporting himself. He's doing what he enjoys doing. If anything offer to help pay for an MBA or a degree in culinary arts so he can own his own business.

SMH.. you can't see the difference between being a sahm raising children vs being 26 and being in a dead end job bartending with no plans for how he will eventually become self sufficient?

And I was a sahm for a couple of years, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people here that think it's okay for a 26 year old adult to not be able to support himself. At 26, I had a full-time job, an apartment in DC, car payments, paying off student loans, etc. I think I was 24 when my dad took me off their car insurance and told me it was time for me to take care of it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Why'd you stay on your parent's car insurance so long?

Because they let me! Same with OP's son - he'll keep asking if they keep giving!

exactly.. and I *always* paid for my car insurance since I got my first car while I was in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only read the original post.
I come from a culture where parents support kids well into adulthood, and kids support parents in their old age.
It is not the most traditional “eastern” culture and things are changing now, but this is the general understanding.
Kicking kids out at 18 is unusual.
I understand that the US is different and is often guided by the Protestant work ethic.
However, more and more immigrants arrive from cultures like mine, and they support their kids who then get a leg up.
I think it will be increasingly important to support kids if we don’t want them to lose in life.
I think your son needs help finding a real job, and a recognition that his parents have his back.
I think yes you should support him, plus figure out if he has anxiety preventing him from achieving more, plus help him find a job.
This is just my opinion and my kid is still young, but that’s what I am planning to do if he fails to launch.

+1
Another 1st Gen immigrant. I will support my kids till they are financially, socially ahead. Then I will continue to help them to raise the kids etc so that their family life is not stressful. The only American thing I have adopted is to take care of retirement and have tons of insurance. I have enough for my needs and I can give a leg up to any child, sibling, nephews or nieces, ILs that need genuine help.

You guys didn't read carefully. I'm a first gen immigrant, and while I wholeheartedly support helping my adult kids, I would not be happy if they were 26 and still bartending with no goal to get a higher paying job and be self sufficient by 30.

I am the first PP. that’s why I mentioned other help too. It is not normal to be content with not being self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When to cut off non disabled kid: age 18

+1

Time for more skin in the game kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When to cut off non disabled kid: age 18

+1

Time for more skin in the game kiddo.

This kid was supporting themselves in college and that was part of the issue. They did bartending and enjoyed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people here that think it's okay for a 26 year old adult to not be able to support himself. At 26, I had a full-time job, an apartment in DC, car payments, paying off student loans, etc. I think I was 24 when my dad took me off their car insurance and told me it was time for me to take care of it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Why'd you stay on your parent's car insurance so long?

Because they let me! Same with OP's son - he'll keep asking if they keep giving!

exactly.. and I *always* paid for my car insurance since I got my first car while I was in college.

Who bought the car? I paid my own insurance when I got my first job.

[Anonymous]

Don't hate on the restaurant job. I waitressed at an posh restaurant in DC while I supported myself in nursing school. Most of my server/bartender colleagues were highly educated ppl (Yale, Berkeley, Brown, etc.) that just didn't desire the 9-5 corporate job. We made great money and had a LOT, a LOT of fun (all legal). They did support themselves though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people here that think it's okay for a 26 year old adult to not be able to support himself. At 26, I had a full-time job, an apartment in DC, car payments, paying off student loans, etc. I think I was 24 when my dad took me off their car insurance and told me it was time for me to take care of it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Why'd you stay on your parent's car insurance so long?

Insurance goes down after age 24. It is cheaper to keep young adults on parent's policies until they turn 24.

[Anonymous]

This post has gone off the rails, as usual. Hopefully, the OP is still reading... This young man appears to be stuck so it is up to the parent to offer some guidance (if he wants it). Locate a career counselor, online or in person. The third party approach will help him find his interests and set up some goals to reach them. Once he has a plan, then you and DH can decide if you want to financially assist in these plans. A quick example: Return to school to get an RN degree. There are 18 month programs out there, but first rhe would need some science prerequisites. He could take those classes while he continues to work. This is called "a plan".

I also think there is more story to this family. Is this a step son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd take the money you would have contributed to his undergrad if he hadn't had a job and scholarships and offer it to him for a grad school program (only if he enrolls). Give him a hand.

This!

Get a grip, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow...so OP gifted on average 300/year for the past 5 years and is worrying somehow that 300/yr is going to impact DS14's college tuition??

Is he your son or your stepson?