When to cut off adult son (26)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mother of three kids. Oldest is my 26 YO son.

He was always a good student, hard working, independent. Went to college, then his life fell apart. Because of his independance streak he insisted on paying for all of his expenses in college, leading to him starting to work in the restaurant industry in college. Meaning he never had time for internships.

Anyway he graduated, and never got a real job. Now six years later he is still a full time bartender/server. Its such a waste because he is so smart and so much better then this.

Now, over the past few years there have been times where he has called us and asked for money to cover rent/bills. In the beginning I wasnt too annoyed, but as of recently Ive been really pissed off. He is 26, and working a joke of a job. He is old enough to support himself and make good financial decisions.

DH disagrees, say since it is only ever $100 here, $150 there its not a big deal. We have the money, but are getting older and are still saving up for ds14's college. Plus DS14 wont get the scholarships his siblings got as he is a worse student, so I am of the belief more money should be going into ds14, not my lazabout ds26.

DH is absolutely gobsmacked and angry over this and acting like its completely out of line I expect my 26 year old son to support himself. We have been getting into arguements over this. I think its a socioeconomic thing. DH grew up in a very priviledged DC area family who had no financial issues, while I grew up in rural West Virginia just scraping by. We now are quite well off, but the idea of supporting an adult child is just alien to me - in my family support was done at 18 and younwere expected to find a job, pay your own bills, etc.

Am I in the wrong? And if I am, is there any point at which it becomes innapropriate?

If your son was 26 when you posted this and 6 years out of college, that means he graduated college at 20, which means he started college at 16, meaning he was a minor and would've needed his parents'(i.e. you and your husband) permission to work, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mother of three kids. Oldest is my 26 YO son.

He was always a good student, hard working, independent. Went to college, then his life fell apart. Because of his independance streak he insisted on paying for all of his expenses in college, leading to him starting to work in the restaurant industry in college. Meaning he never had time for internships.

Anyway he graduated, and never got a real job. Now six years later he is still a full time bartender/server. Its such a waste because he is so smart and so much better then this.

Now, over the past few years there have been times where he has called us and asked for money to cover rent/bills. In the beginning I wasnt too annoyed, but as of recently Ive been really pissed off. He is 26, and working a joke of a job. He is old enough to support himself and make good financial decisions.

DH disagrees, say since it is only ever $100 here, $150 there its not a big deal. We have the money, but are getting older and are still saving up for ds14's college. Plus DS14 wont get the scholarships his siblings got as he is a worse student, so I am of the belief more money should be going into ds14, not my lazabout ds26.

DH is absolutely gobsmacked and angry over this and acting like its completely out of line I expect my 26 year old son to support himself. We have been getting into arguements over this. I think its a socioeconomic thing. DH grew up in a very priviledged DC area family who had no financial issues, while I grew up in rural West Virginia just scraping by. We now are quite well off, but the idea of supporting an adult child is just alien to me - in my family support was done at 18 and younwere expected to find a job, pay your own bills, etc.

Am I in the wrong? And if I am, is there any point at which it becomes innapropriate?

So, he was working as a bartender at the age of 20?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mother of three kids. Oldest is my 26 YO son.

He was always a good student, hard working, independent. Went to college, then his life fell apart. Because of his independance streak he insisted on paying for all of his expenses in college, leading to him starting to work in the restaurant industry in college. Meaning he never had time for internships.

Anyway he graduated, and never got a real job. Now six years later he is still a full time bartender/server. Its such a waste because he is so smart and so much better then this.

Now, over the past few years there have been times where he has called us and asked for money to cover rent/bills. In the beginning I wasnt too annoyed, but as of recently Ive been really pissed off. He is 26, and working a joke of a job. He is old enough to support himself and make good financial decisions.

DH disagrees, say since it is only ever $100 here, $150 there its not a big deal. We have the money, but are getting older and are still saving up for ds14's college. Plus DS14 wont get the scholarships his siblings got as he is a worse student, so I am of the belief more money should be going into ds14, not my lazabout ds26.

DH is absolutely gobsmacked and angry over this and acting like its completely out of line I expect my 26 year old son to support himself. We have been getting into arguements over this. I think its a socioeconomic thing. DH grew up in a very priviledged DC area family who had no financial issues, while I grew up in rural West Virginia just scraping by. We now are quite well off, but the idea of supporting an adult child is just alien to me - in my family support was done at 18 and younwere expected to find a job, pay your own bills, etc.

Am I in the wrong? And if I am, is there any point at which it becomes innapropriate?

The only way you can fall apart in college is to not graduate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Son's Father can be doing this. Mom can have her own opinion and her opinion doesn't need to matter much -- it isn't enough money to matter. Father and Son have their own relationship. This doesn't involve Op

Op, are you the step-mom? That little $ to be pissed about is insane, please let your DH handle it moving forward.

[jsteele]

This is a four year old thread and the original poster probably has more recent issues with which to deal.