If I do, how horrible a human am I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love DH dearly.

Then no, don’t do this.

Don’t do it if you love him. Talk to him about this and come up with a solution but don’t go behind his back.

+1

Yes that part is the lowest of low.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if you answered this already, but how is he disabled? Can't get it up, or he has limited mobility?

Can he use a strapon, and use other toys? I mean.. why not? I would. My DH loves me, and I know he'd want to make me happy, and he likes the intimacy of sex, so I know he'd be willing to use a strapon, his hands, mouth and other toys.

[Anonymous]

You should really watch Breaking the Waves by Lars von Trier:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_the_Waves

Hint: she lets disabled DH watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

True it’s better.

Clearly you haven't had good sex. I'm sorry for that.

Clearly you haven't either.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to DH about this. The issue in your relationship goes beyond sex if you can't be open with him about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should do this and hell no don't tell your husband. Why would you force your loving husband to further confront the obvious, that he is physically incapable of fulfilling the most basic human need.

THE most basic human need? Um, it might be up there, but I'm pretty sure there are a few things a little higher up on that list.

Yes, it's a basic human need to want sex and human contact.

It is not a need. It is a want.

Human contact is different than intercourse which is in not way shape or form a need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH have working hands? Mouth? Have you gotten creative? I'm sure his self esteem has hit rock bottom, but you can still make each other feel good and foster intimacy without PIV.

That isn’t the same. To expect someone (I’m assuming OP is youngish, 30s-40s) to be the lifetime care giver of their disabled spouse at an early age AND to never have sex again, isn’t fair. She has the option to divorce him and have all the sex she wants with anyone AND not have to physically take care of him. He would have no one to help him then. But she isn’t doing that. It sounds like she wants to be there and care for him in every sense. Having a side affair is the better option to the cut and run. If she is to have the caregiver role long term, her making sure her needs are met in a discreet way should be acceptable.

You are insane.

[Anonymous]

Have the affair. Be discreet.

If you were a man standing by his disabled spouse, people would calling you a saint - regardless of affairs. Just make sure you don’t get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I would do it and I would give my husband a pass if one day I was unable or didn't want to have sex anymore. I think sex is one of the most basic parts of being in a relationship. If you agree and both are happy without it, cool, but otherwise, why should someone not be able to have sex again? Go for it but be careful with protection of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have the affair. Be discreet.

If you were a man standing by his disabled spouse, people would calling you a saint - regardless of affairs. Just make sure you don’t get pregnant.

+1 And if she was a man who shot and killed his disabled spouse newspapers would call it a mercy killing and giver him a watercolor treatment. But a woman who plans to be a caretaker for the rest of her days is a monster for wanting sex.

[Anonymous]

I'd shy away from a friend with benefits route and just look for straight up strangers.

I'd want to make it as least likely as possible that I'd develop feelings for this FWB, or my feelings would change towards the FWB, or the FWB would develop feeling and tell your husband.

I'd also avoid any app hooking up if you have single friends who may narc on you.

Just walk in solo to any bar in DC on an average night and you'll find a suitable lay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

True it’s better.

Clearly you haven't had good sex. I'm sorry for that.

Clearly you haven't either.

NP. I’ve had both. Both are good but different. There is no replacement for the intimacy of two bodies together. Not for the selfishness you can have with a toy.

[Anonymous]

Not=Nor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is no different than anyone else having an affair. It is still lying, deceiving and betraying the person you say you love. It is still cheating, infidelity, disloyalty, and an affair. It could still end your marriage, destroy your husband and family, and hurt your kids.

Actually no, leaving him alone with no one to care for would be betrayal. Sexual fidelity in this situation is SO irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

True it’s better.

Clearly you haven't had good sex. I'm sorry for that.

Clearly you haven't either.

NP. I’ve had both. Both are good but different. There is no replacement for the intimacy of two bodies together. Not for the selfishness you can have with a toy.

There are others ways to be intimate with two bodies pressed together. For one, he could use a strapon. She could be on top. You can find ways.

Now, if he can't even sit up while she's on top so that OP can feel his body pressed to her's, then that's a different story. But, IMO, if OP really loves her DH (and vice versa) they can find a way.

If OP is saying she wants more than what I stated above, like wild sex such that her DH is incapable of doing, then IMO, that's selfish. If it's just about sex, like I said, she can get it in other ways with her DH.

I would say the same thing if OP was a man.