If I do, how horrible a human am I?

[Anonymous]

I love DH dearly. But, he had an accident a few years back and is disabled. We haven't "done it" in years. This is a problem the ED drugs can't fix. We have a happy sexless marriage. I miss "it". I've run into an old friend who recently divorced. I see him a few times a year - never near home. Would an occasional friend with benefits, who is fully aware of my circumstances, be a horrible thing?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, OP (both of you), but in a case like this, something very discreet on the side? There are far worse things, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. Unless your DH is aware and agrees with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Unless your DH is aware and agrees with it.

Oh please! Let's make her husband feel even worse about it. I would never tell. It sounds like OP and her husband have a good thing going and they are good friends, but she should not be sentenced to a life of celibacy.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this something you can discuss w/ him?

Also, I think an old friend is a bad idea because it has the potential to grow into more than FWB.

[Anonymous]

Agree with Dan Savage on this topic in this instance (although I think he gives this pass too quickly) - if sleeping with this person will fulfill that need for you and allow you to stay in a committed marriage to someone you love and care for, it makes you a better partner, not worse. Of course some DH's in this situation would gladly give you a pass (or even make this your sex life - you going out and getting some and then coming home to talk about it), but I'm guessing yours isn't one of them since you didn't mention asking him.

OTOH, do not do this if recently-divorced guy is on your radar as more than a FWB, or if you think he will develop feelings and want you to leave your husband.

[Anonymous]

I would do it and not feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Get a good vibrator

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

[Anonymous]

Not horrible at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, what I'm going to recommend and what I'd practically actually do are probably two different things, to be completely honest.

What I recommend: have these discussions with him if you haven't already. Seek counseling together about it if you need to. If you can come to an agreement, cool.

What I'd honestly probably do: Have the hardest time in the world talking to the man I love about this, agonize over the possibility of getting my needs met elsewhere, maybe have sex with someone else, maybe not.

This isn't easy and there isn't a perfect answer. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love DH dearly.

Then no, don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

True it’s better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

Yeah, not at all the same. It's a poor man/woman's stand-in for the real thing. Will do in a pinch or if you have no other option, but no comparison to the real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good vibrator

It's not the same

- not OP

True it’s better.

Clearly you haven't had good sex. I'm sorry for that.