If I do, how horrible a human am I?

[Anonymous]

No sex or no affection?

Can you just have him use a V in you?

[Anonymous]

The risk of catching feelings for this guy is way way way too high.

If you’re going to do this it can’t be with someone you could have a romantic future with.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what your husband would think. You know him and we don't. Do you think he would be extraordinarily hurt or do you think he would be able to shrug it off, as 'eh, it helps her without hurting me,' or somewhere in between. Weigh your desire to do it against his hurt, if any, if he found out (and he very well might) and then calculate whether it's acceptable or not.

We all have to realize that putting all of our sexual fidelity eggs into one basket, so to speak, carries risk that for some reason it won't work out.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am shocked this isn't unanimous.

Of course you should do this and hell no don't tell your husband. Why would you force your loving husband to further confront the obvious, that he is physically incapable of fulfilling the most basic human need.

If you don't do this, you will become more resentful, your heart will continue to wander and you may end up with caregiver burnout and divorce him. How is any of that better for either of you.

Go for it, be discrete and you are already 100x the person that the naysayers on here are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am shocked this isn't unanimous.

Me too, but I was going in the completely opposite direction.

[Anonymous]

Switch the genders and a man would be crucified for even suggesting this. Just look at the “I don’t want to have sex with my husband anymore “ threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switch the genders and a man would be crucified for even suggesting this. Just look at the “I don’t want to have sex with my husband anymore “ threads.

Don't want to have sex is an issue that can be worked out with meds, therapy, or divorce.

Physically incapable of having sex but otherwise a loving relationship is a horse of a different color. There's nothing to work on, because there's nothing more she or he could be doing to meet each other's needs. It's physiological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am shocked this isn't unanimous.

Of course you should do this and hell no don't tell your husband. Why would you force your loving husband to further confront the obvious, that he is physically incapable of fulfilling the most basic human need.

If you don't do this, you will become more resentful, your heart will continue to wander and you may end up with caregiver burnout and divorce him. How is any of that better for either of you.

Go for it, be discrete and you are already 100x the person that the naysayers on here are.

This a 1000 %! I'm sure DH already feels terrible about not being able to perform and about his disability. I would NOT put salt on the wound.

[Anonymous]

You all have got to be kidding to think he wouldn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switch the genders and a man would be crucified for even suggesting this. Just look at the “I don’t want to have sex with my husband anymore “ threads.

So stupid. This is DCUM where OP is always wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love DH dearly. But, he had an accident a few years back and is disabled. We haven't "done it" in years. This is a problem the ED drugs can't fix. We have a happy sexless marriage. I miss "it". I've run into an old friend who recently divorced. I see him a few times a year - never near home. Would an occasional friend with benefits, who is fully aware of my circumstances, be a horrible thing?

People have been doing it for years in your situation; certainly, no man would ever have been blamed for finding a discrete way of handling his needs.

No it's not a horrible thing and your husband should be damn grateful you haven't left him, because men leave sick women on a much greater scale than women leave sick men.

[Anonymous]

Can’t he perform orally? Use a dildo on you? Regardless, I think it’s pretty horrible to do. Spouses of those sick or disabled don’t get free passes to step-out. You handle your needs yourself and stay true to your vows or you decide your needs are more important than your marriage and you divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love DH dearly.

Then no, don’t do this.

This.

[Anonymous]

Read “Tumbling After” by Susan Parker

[Anonymous]

This is a tough situation. There is no way I could go on forever without sex. MAke sure you cant talk to DH about it. You know him, we don't. If there's a chance you can talk about I'd ask for his permission to have sex outside the marriage. If there is not way possible he could handle that convo, I'd just have sex without discussing it.