Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's family. You don't charge money for rent. The only way it would be okay for you to ask for money is if you had a room that you regularly rent out and you had to turn down a tenant, and even then, I would only request money if you were strapped for cash.

Otherwise, hard no.

Good grief. Even parents charge their adult children rent sometimes.

If I was sending my college kid to live with a family member for two months you can bet that I would be offering to pay rent and chip in for groceries. The family member is the one doing the favor for YOU and YOUR kid for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask for anything. You are her aunt, and she is not moving in forever. I never cease to be amazed at American cheapness and the lack of familial bonds. If she was my dd staying at her aunt's, I would send my sister a wonderful present as a thank you. My sister would love spending time with my dd. If this is such a burden to you, you should refuse to host her, that would be less hurtful than this money grab.

Totally agree. Americans really have nerve to ask for money their own family members. Jesus help us all!

Gotta love these non-American posters who criticize Americans from their cushy homes IN America, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much would your niece be paying for room/board at college? I think it's fair to charge that much, maybe a little less. I'd probably charge around $600/month which would be very fair for room/board.

She'll be gone a lot for her internship and she'll be driving herself places, so having her live with you for a couple of months should be fairly easy.

Omg, another one.

I sure hope you never have to depend on others for simply the kindness in their heart, or you may have to pay for that... karma

And btw, $600 would be making money off of her niece, NOT helping out family.

Check out the price of room/board at the nearest state university and get back to me.

Find a place in DC where your room/utilities/food are all included for $600/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

?
With family like OP (and the poster above) who needs enemies, right?

I will forever be grateful to people who offered me a helping hand when I was in college and had nothing. OP could be investing in her nieces future. OP have you ever needed help in your life before? Do you hate your brother?

What makes you think that the niece and her family have nothing? This young woman is in college and she has landed a nice internship for herself. Op is happy to open up her home to her niece but it would be super cheap of the parents and the niece to not offer to pay the Op some rent money. It's called mutual consideration.

Internship = ZERO PAY

[Anonymous]

OP here. Oh wow holy crap at the assumptions. You all are making me out to be some horrid witch.

In my original question, I never ever said I expected full rent, but simply wondered what was common in these situations and what solutions others have found to be agreeable.

I have many aunts and uncles and never received so much as a birthday card from them as a kid or adult - so please forgive me and understand that families and people's experiences are different. I've been there for birthdays, graduations, xmas, etc, and am involved with all my niece and nephews. Hell I didn't even get a "thank you" from several of them (including this one niece) for xmas gifts. It's not a big deal. I love them, and I don't give with expectations. I'm doing the best I can.

My brother's family is not poor. They have bought their kids new cars upon getting a driver's license. They give their kids a lot, which is great that they can. They put a lot of 'Whole Food' on the table (I'm more Trader Joe's). I eat lots of plant based foods, and not a lot of meat or pricier things.

This isn't a week - a 19/20 year old can go though a LOT of food in 2 months.

And while I get that her asperger's is not her fault, it can cause her to be a bit flakey. Leave electrics on, take long showers, be forgetful about a lot of things. And as another pp mentioned, yes, breaking things is probably inevitable. She will not have a car, and while public transportation will be used a lot of the time, I imagine I will be driving her around a lot. Some of it is nature, much of it is nurture, and my personal experience of a 19/20 year old is very, very different than her reality. I was on my own and taking care of my parents at that age.

But that's besides the point. I was asking this more along the lines of: "hey, is asking/accepting $150/month for food/utilities reasonable" - and not "hey, can you fork over 2k for rent for each of these 2 months." That would be absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

?
With family like OP (and the poster above) who needs enemies, right?

I will forever be grateful to people who offered me a helping hand when I was in college and had nothing. OP could be investing in her nieces future. OP have you ever needed help in your life before? Do you hate your brother?

What makes you think that the niece and her family have nothing? This young woman is in college and she has landed a nice internship for herself. Op is happy to open up her home to her niece but it would be super cheap of the parents and the niece to not offer to pay the Op some rent money. It's called mutual consideration.

Internship = ZERO PAY

Some internships give a stipend. Parents should offer a few hundred for utilities and food a month. OP needs to pay the mortgage/rent regardless but food and utilities will increase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Oh wow holy crap at the assumptions. You all are making me out to be some horrid witch.

In my original question, I never ever said I expected full rent, but simply wondered what was common in these situations and what solutions others have found to be agreeable.

I have many aunts and uncles and never received so much as a birthday card from them as a kid or adult - so please forgive me and understand that families and people's experiences are different. I've been there for birthdays, graduations, xmas, etc, and am involved with all my niece and nephews. Hell I didn't even get a "thank you" from several of them (including this one niece) for xmas gifts. It's not a big deal. I love them, and I don't give with expectations. I'm doing the best I can.

My brother's family is not poor. They have bought their kids new cars upon getting a driver's license. They give their kids a lot, which is great that they can. They put a lot of 'Whole Food' on the table (I'm more Trader Joe's). I eat lots of plant based foods, and not a lot of meat or pricier things.

This isn't a week - a 19/20 year old can go though a LOT of food in 2 months.

And while I get that her asperger's is not her fault, it can cause her to be a bit flakey. Leave electrics on, take long showers, be forgetful about a lot of things. And as another pp mentioned, yes, breaking things is probably inevitable. She will not have a car, and while public transportation will be used a lot of the time, I imagine I will be driving her around a lot. Some of it is nature, much of it is nurture, and my personal experience of a 19/20 year old is very, very different than her reality. I was on my own and taking care of my parents at that age.

But that's besides the point. I was asking this more along the lines of: "hey, is asking/accepting $150/month for food/utilities reasonable" - and not "hey, can you fork over 2k for rent for each of these 2 months." That would be absurd.

No, you don't ask but they should be offering a few hundred a month for utilities and food. Buy what you normally buy and let her buy what she wants. One would assume she'd have a credit card. Or, parents or she can order food and have it delivered. Most people are oblivious to others expenses or budgets with this situation. We have friends (husband's friends not mine) send their kids for weeks and offer nothing and make promises of me doing back to school shopping. It gets really uncomfortable if you haven't budgeted for it all. Just do your best, buy what you normally buy and she'll figure it out. She's been in college for a year or two so she can shop on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the parents and/or the niece don't ask how she can pitch in or about paying rent, I would not agree to this.

Anyone with any common courtesy is going to recognize this as a huge favor and will, at the very least, offer to pitch in some rent money and groceries.

It is not o.k. to EXPECT a family member to support you for two months.

That's where you're wrong..

The family asked if their daughter could stay and the OP said yes... no expectation there, they asked and she said yes.

If OP wanted to treat her niece like a tenant, she should have mentioned money to them when they asked.

I think taking her in is a horrible idea.
OP says she's "kind of" a neat freak, which means that she's probably very type A with a tendency towards being OCD, especially when her things aren't put back in the exact place they were before (like full on freak out if the spices aren't put back in alphabetical order).

If the OP is indeed rigid and hard to live with (she needs to ask herself this and be honest) this co-habitation will be a recipe for disaster, and resentment & anger will be inevitable for the OP.

I feel terrible for your niece - it sounds like the OP is a difficult, rigid person and someone with Asperger's *cannot* pick up on the social cues, especially someone who's being passive- aggressive or resentful towards them and she will not understand why the OP it's treating her the way she is.

OP needs to do a lot of research on Asperger's before her niece's visit. I don't care if you've known this girl her entire life, living with someone with Asperger's is different than seeing them 4 or 5 times a year.

** OP doing her research on Asperger's is an absolute MUST if she wants this too be a successful stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

Most people don't have housekeepers and you wouldn't need an extra visit. $200 a month is reasonable. She has the house and paying rent/mortgage anyway so the extra utilities and food.

[Anonymous]

^^ Just to elaborate, when I say it's a horrible idea for the OP to let her niece stay, I mean under ANY circumstance -- rent or not.

The OP sounds far too rigid and set in her ways and will quickly realize that she has far too much anxiety live with someone with Asperger's.

I think it would be lovely to host her niece rent free, however someone who's type A, rigid, OCD etc is going to have a brutal time living with someone who isn't... and may never be.

Don't set your niece up for disaster if you can't handle it OP, that would be terribly unfair to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents and/or the niece don't ask how she can pitch in or about paying rent, I would not agree to this.

Anyone with any common courtesy is going to recognize this as a huge favor and will, at the very least, offer to pitch in some rent money and groceries.

It is not o.k. to EXPECT a family member to support you for two months.

That's where you're wrong..

The family asked if their daughter could stay and the OP said yes... no expectation there, they asked and she said yes.

If OP wanted to treat her niece like a tenant, she should have mentioned money to them when they asked.

I think taking her in is a horrible idea.
OP says she's "kind of" a neat freak, which means that she's probably very type A with a tendency towards being OCD, especially when her things aren't put back in the exact place they were before (like full on freak out if the spices aren't put back in alphabetical order).

If the OP is indeed rigid and hard to live with (she needs to ask herself this and be honest) this co-habitation will be a recipe for disaster, and resentment & anger will be inevitable for the OP.

I feel terrible for your niece - it sounds like the OP is a difficult, rigid person and someone with Asperger's *cannot* pick up on the social cues, especially someone who's being passive- aggressive or resentful towards them and she will not understand why the OP it's treating her the way she is.

OP needs to do a lot of research on Asperger's before her niece's visit. I don't care if you've known this girl her entire life, living with someone with Asperger's is different than seeing them 4 or 5 times a year.

** OP doing her research on Asperger's is an absolute MUST if she wants this too be a successful stay.

OP wants help with the extra expenses like food and utilities. She was clear they have different food and shopping and spending habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

I grew up in Manhattan, so please spare me the "not understanding what families in the big city spend" speech, because you sound ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask for anything. You are her aunt, and she is not moving in forever. I never cease to be amazed at American cheapness and the lack of familial bonds. If she was my dd staying at her aunt's, I would send my sister a wonderful present as a thank you. My sister would love spending time with my dd. If this is such a burden to you, you should refuse to host her, that would be less hurtful than this money grab.[/quo


You should send your sister more than that. You sound like a leech and you are a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never in a million years have a niece or nephew stay in my house for a two month internship and expect anything at all in return. It's two months -- not two years. She'll be gone before you know it and you brother and his wife won't forget it and in one way or another reward your kindness. This is the kind of stuff that decent people do for family, I mean, wow.

You are a leech.