Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?

[Anonymous]

My brother's daughter (in college) will probably be staying with me for a couple of months for an internship. I live alone and pay all my own expenses for a rowhouse in the city.

Would you accept (or request) payment for things? Perhaps not rent, but utilities, groceries, etc? They do not have a job so this would be from niece's parents.

Niece is a good kid, but with aspergers, is often bit clueless with regards to picking up and cleaning up after themselves, so I feel like I'd be picking up more responsibility, rather than having help w/ someone living with me.

Have you been in this situation (as a parent, relative, etc), and what would you do/ask?

[Anonymous]

Are you financially strapped for cash? If you are not, then don't ask for money. Do have a conversation -- fairly direct - with the girl saying "hi, I expect you to do x, y, z while you're here so we can co-exist well". If she has aspergers, this will actually help her out.

[Anonymous]

I think this depends on the financial situation of you and her parents.

But if you ask for money, maybe use it to hire maid service or increase how often your cleaning service comes. That will probably be easier than harassing her to clean up after herself.

[Anonymous]

I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

[Anonymous]

I personally would never ask for or accept money in this situation. Giving family a leg up in life is my greatest hope as someone who left a small town and did well for myself. Many of my classmates and coworkers along the way got help from family when I didn’t, so I am hyper aware of what this would mean for my family.

But only you know the dynamic of your family.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not strapped, but I am not rolling in it either. I never had even remotely involved aunts/uncles growing up, so this is new territory for me. All other things considered, I think I'm a really great aunt!

But I know her family's habits are different than mine. I spend FAR less on food, am conscientious of my electricity/water consumption, and it's been a while since I've lived with anyone and admittedly am a bit of a neat freak.

I'm not looking to charge market price for rent or anything like that, but just trying to see what is understandable and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not strapped, but I am not rolling in it either. I never had even remotely involved aunts/uncles growing up, so this is new territory for me. All other things considered, I think I'm a really great aunt!

But I know her family's habits are different than mine. I spend FAR less on food, am conscientious of my electricity/water consumption, and it's been a while since I've lived with anyone and admittedly am a bit of a neat freak.

I'm not looking to charge market price for rent or anything like that, but just trying to see what is understandable and reasonable.

Ask for a nominal amount of rent or you will be resentful the whole time.

[Anonymous]

If you need the money, then absolutely ask. If you don't, then I wouldn't. I'd absolutely discuss ground rules before she moves in--expectations of food provision (who cooks? Who grocery shops?), cleaning up after oneself (who does dishes? Who vacuums?) basically like new roommmates would.

My guess is a college kid on an internship in a new city will be exploring and going out with new colleagues and friends, so you may not see her as much as you think.

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn’t ask for anything. If she or her parents have a clue, they’ll do something nice for you, but that should be on their terms, not yours.

[Anonymous]

I would never ask for anything. You are her aunt, and she is not moving in forever. I never cease to be amazed at American cheapness and the lack of familial bonds. If she was my dd staying at her aunt's, I would send my sister a wonderful present as a thank you. My sister would love spending time with my dd. If this is such a burden to you, you should refuse to host her, that would be less hurtful than this money grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need the money, then absolutely ask. If you don't, then I wouldn't. I'd absolutely discuss ground rules before she moves in--expectations of food provision (who cooks? Who grocery shops?), cleaning up after oneself (who does dishes? Who vacuums?) basically like new roommmates would.

My guess is a college kid on an internship in a new city will be exploring and going out with new colleagues and friends, so you may not see her as much as you think.

I think this is a great conversation to have with both her and her parents. One thing to be clear about is that you welcome the time together but understand that your life may be different than theirs -- e.g., you probably spend a lot less on food than they do, keep the place at 68F/58F day and night in winter, and are a bit of a neat freak, so that is something for her to know walking into the situation. It's a conversation. You can talk together about ways to make it succeed.

I'd also say it's okay to ask (gently) about what the back-up plan is, if it doesn't work out, but that definitely requires tact and timing. To be clear, if it were two weeks, I wouldn't bring this up, but for two months, it's reasonable to consider.

[Anonymous]

Did they offer when they asked for niece to stay with you? You should have had the conversation then.

[Anonymous]

Her parents should cover her food and talk with her about cleaning up after herself and being a courteous housemate. You should not charge her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not strapped, but I am not rolling in it either. I never had even remotely involved aunts/uncles growing up, so this is new territory for me. All other things considered, I think I'm a really great aunt!

But I know her family's habits are different than mine. I spend FAR less on food, am conscientious of my electricity/water consumption, and it's been a while since I've lived with anyone and admittedly am a bit of a neat freak.

I'm not looking to charge market price for rent or anything like that, but just trying to see what is understandable and reasonable.

Hard no.

It's going to be hard enough for her to live with "neat freak" stuck in her ways.

It's very nice of you to offer for your niece to stay. If you wanted anything out of the deal you should have told them when you offered that their were conditions.

[Anonymous]

My cousins (mom’s nephew) stayed with us for a long time when he was a grad student. There were some ground rules on neatness, etc, but other than that it was completely free to him and my parents spent lavishly on him while he frequently cooked for them. But, my parents are very comfortable financially so this was fine for everyone.

In your situation i think maybe something like a roommate without rent is what makes sense. Like you’ll let you sibling know if you need help with utilities, you’ll set neatness/schedule/etc expectations up front and you’ll shop/cook for yourselves or grocery shop from an account that you contribute to equally. I feel like major changes to utility costs should be on your roommate and their food.