Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?

[Anonymous]

My niece says with us during the summer for internships and what we do is outline a few basic rules regarding cleanliness and keeping in communication. We cover all food and let her know that anything specific she may want can be added to our weekly list or purchased by her. Also, anything she doesn’t want eaten needs a label bc teens boys are vacuums. I’ve lost two potluck items I didn’t label! Ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

Most people don't have housekeepers and you wouldn't need an extra visit. $200 a month is reasonable. She has the house and paying rent/mortgage anyway so the extra utilities and food.

Anyone who thinks this kid will only be spending $50/wk on food is living in lala land. Most kids these days can blow through $50 in a weekend. If the girl has Asperger's and seriously does not pick up on social cues that is all the more reason to hammer these details out in advance. Don't wait until she is in your home telling you that she only wants to eat take out food every day.

Her parents are the ones responsible for providing for their daughter and it is not o.k. for them to offload that responsibility completely onto Op.

[Anonymous]

I stayed with my cousin for two months when I came to DC for a grad school internship. She didn’t charge me anything, made me dinner some nights and we hung out some weekends. It was nice. I offered but she told me to save my money. Which was great because I needed it since I still had to pay rent back at school to keep my apartment there. Once I graduated, I came back to DC for a job and lived with her for 6 weeks until I got on my feet and found a place of my own. I paid her $600 a month but this was a number of years ago. That was pretty standard for a room in a shared house in Petworh at the time though.

If it bothers you, why not just tell her you want $200/month for utilities and groceries? I would just caution you that if you charge real rent, expect a roommate not a guest and all of the expectations that come with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cannot believe you are even asking. The answer is no you do not charge her! Yes, lay down the house rules.

My niece lived with us all summer (10 weeks), at no charge. This is just what family does.

It’s what YOUR family does. Niece should find her own housing with her peers and learn that she is not owed anything and that it is not okay to leech off others...ever!

[Anonymous]

My oldest stayed with my sister for four months. She didn’t want me to send any money. I insisted on sending $300 a month to cover part of the grocery bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents and/or the niece don't ask how she can pitch in or about paying rent, I would not agree to this.

Anyone with any common courtesy is going to recognize this as a huge favor and will, at the very least, offer to pitch in some rent money and groceries.

It is not o.k. to EXPECT a family member to support you for two months.

That's where you're wrong..

The family asked if their daughter could stay and the OP said yes... no expectation there, they asked and she said yes.

If OP wanted to treat her niece like a tenant, she should have mentioned money to them when they asked.

I think taking her in is a horrible idea.
OP says she's "kind of" a neat freak, which means that she's probably very type A with a tendency towards being OCD, especially when her things aren't put back in the exact place they were before (like full on freak out if the spices aren't put back in alphabetical order).

If the OP is indeed rigid and hard to live with (she needs to ask herself this and be honest) this co-habitation will be a recipe for disaster, and resentment & anger will be inevitable for the OP.

I feel terrible for your niece - it sounds like the OP is a difficult, rigid person and someone with Asperger's *cannot* pick up on the social cues, especially someone who's being passive- aggressive or resentful towards them and she will not understand why the OP it's treating her the way she is.

OP needs to do a lot of research on Asperger's before her niece's visit. I don't care if you've known this girl her entire life, living with someone with Asperger's is different than seeing them 4 or 5 times a year.

** OP doing her research on Asperger's is an absolute MUST if she wants this too be a successful stay.

OP wants help with the extra expenses like food and utilities. She was clear they have different food and shopping and spending habits.

And it is fine for Op to mention that she wants help with expenses. In fact, it is perfectly reasonable for Op to want help with expenses. If these parents fly off the handle like some of the posters on this thread and hurl insults at Op then they can feel free to find other arrangements for their child.

[Anonymous]

Rent is free, but charge her minimal utilities and cleaning cost. she pays her own food and personal stuffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest stayed with my sister for four months. She didn’t want me to send any money. I insisted on sending $300 a month to cover part of the grocery bill.

People who don't have kids in their homes have no idea how expensive they really are. Op's utilities, food bill, transportation costs are all going to go up. I would never not send some money to help cover that for one my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

Most people don't have housekeepers and you wouldn't need an extra visit. $200 a month is reasonable. She has the house and paying rent/mortgage anyway so the extra utilities and food.

Anyone who thinks this kid will only be spending $50/wk on food is living in lala land. Most kids these days can blow through $50 in a weekend. If the girl has Asperger's and seriously does not pick up on social cues that is all the more reason to hammer these details out in advance. Don't wait until she is in your home telling you that she only wants to eat take out food every day.

Her parents are the ones responsible for providing for their daughter and it is not o.k. for them to offload that responsibility completely onto Op.

Totally this! Parents are offloading and taking advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest stayed with my sister for four months. She didn’t want me to send any money. I insisted on sending $300 a month to cover part of the grocery bill.

People who don't have kids in their homes have no idea how expensive they really are. Op's utilities, food bill, transportation costs are all going to go up. I would never not send some money to help cover that for one my kids.

Finally some common sense. You are a good parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

Most people don't have housekeepers and you wouldn't need an extra visit. $200 a month is reasonable. She has the house and paying rent/mortgage anyway so the extra utilities and food.

Anyone who thinks this kid will only be spending $50/wk on food is living in lala land. Most kids these days can blow through $50 in a weekend. If the girl has Asperger's and seriously does not pick up on social cues that is all the more reason to hammer these details out in advance. Don't wait until she is in your home telling you that she only wants to eat take out food every day.

Her parents are the ones responsible for providing for their daughter and it is not o.k. for them to offload that responsibility completely onto Op.

Totally this! Parents are offloading and taking advantage.

+1

To add, Niece's parents financially benefit by offloading a couple months of (adult) childcare onto the aunt. To not offer from the get-go is a direct indication that they are taking advantage.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. That is the only way out of this given that you are scrooge.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely not accept payment, but you can sit her down and discuss ground rules when she arrives, including cleaning up for herself, making dinner occasionally, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot believe you are even asking. The answer is no you do not charge her! Yes, lay down the house rules.

My niece lived with us all summer (10 weeks), at no charge. This is just what family does.

It’s what YOUR family does. Niece should find her own housing with her peers and learn that she is not owed anything and that it is not okay to leech off others...ever!

Exactly. I'm not going to teach my kid that it's okay to leech off others and take advantage of their hospitality. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.

Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.

DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.

Most people don't have housekeepers and you wouldn't need an extra visit. $200 a month is reasonable. She has the house and paying rent/mortgage anyway so the extra utilities and food.

Anyone who thinks this kid will only be spending $50/wk on food is living in lala land. Most kids these days can blow through $50 in a weekend. If the girl has Asperger's and seriously does not pick up on social cues that is all the more reason to hammer these details out in advance. Don't wait until she is in your home telling you that she only wants to eat take out food every day.

Her parents are the ones responsible for providing for their daughter and it is not o.k. for them to offload that responsibility completely onto Op.

You are clearly spending way more on groceries than we do. She'll probably be eating breakfast and dinner at home and lunch out. Aspergers is a non-issue. If she was parented well, she'll have the common sense to know basics of living with someone. If she wants take out or eat out every night she or her parents can pay for it. Simple. OP shouldn't be expected to pay for meals out every meal for a college kid. The kid will probably come with spending money and/or credit card.